Cold Feet

“Lynn?”

Kadie's voice was quiet as she nudged my shoulder. I ignored her.

We were sitting in the lobby waiting for the storm to pass. A group of people were in the same situation of wanting to leave but couldn't because of the icy cold wind mixed with the snow.

There were a couple of elderly people sitting on the only chairs and benches in the lobby. The rest of us were crouched up against the wall.

“Lynn?” Kadie nudged me again. Her voice was a little louder this time.

I ignored her again. I didn't want to have this conversation with all these people around us.

She continued the conversation without my consent any way. “Look, I'm sorry for bringing up Josh. I realize now that may not have been the best comparison.”

I lifted my head off of my arms that had been cradling my legs. I narrowed my eyes at Kadie as if to say, “No shit.”

“I know, okay, I'm sorry.” She rolled her eyes. “I just wanted to make sense of what he said.” Kadie said under her breath. Almost as if she didn't want me to hear it.

“What who said?” I gave her another look. This time confused.

“No one” She quickly answered. “I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to make you upset.”

I wasn't so angry at Kadie, as I was irritated. But, having been trapped in the lobby for the last couple of hours I was completely over it. “It's fine.” I sighed. “But, what were you just saying? You were making sense out of what?”

Kadie shook her head and closed her eyes. She was thinking hard about what ever it was on her mind. “Fine, but you're fully acknowledging that you want to know this information, right?”

I twitched my mouth, thought about it for less than a second, then nodded my head.

Kadie exhaled a big breath. “I heard Jonah mention it.”

I looked at her with furrowed brows, unsure of what she was referring to. “He mentioned wanting to get married?”

Kadie made a face. A face you make when you see someone fall down and imagine how bad it must have hurt. “Wellllllll....” Her voice went high. “Not exactly.”

I sat up straight, still confused. “So...He doesn't want to get married?”

Kadie stared at me for a few seconds before she responded. “He didn't necessarily use those words exactly. But, that was the gist of it.”

“And you heard him say that?”

“Again, not exactly what he said, but the gist of it, yes.” I looked away, but Kadie continued to stare at me. “You're not...upset, are you?”

I turned back towards her “When was this?”

“The other day.” Kadie's legs readjusted into Indian-style. “Jonah and Adam were hanging out at the apartment and I was in the bedroom putting away some laundry when I heard them talking.”

“What did he say exactly?”

“Adam teased him and said he was next to get married and Jonah just laughed it off and said, 'yeah right'. So then Adam asked if he was considering it and Jonah hesitated to say, 'I don't know'” Kadie's hand was resting on her face and then slowly covered her mouth as she was done talking.

“It just doesn't sound like him.” I said shaking my head.

“Look, Lynn...” Her hand quickly fell and she straightened her posture. “I can be blunt, and straight-forward, and I know it annoys you sometimes, but I would never make something up or lie to you.”

I sighed and rested my temple on my fist. “The thing is, I haven't even thought about marriage, but knowing that he's on the same page...kind of...”

Kadie finished my sentence, “kind of bothers you?” I nodded my head and she continued. “That's what I was trying to explain. I wanted to make sense of why he'd have that reaction. Maybe he's too involved with his career right now, or maybe he doesn't want what happened to Josh happen to him.” Kadie was staring off as she spoke a mile a minute. “But, then it doesn't even really matter because you don't want to get married either...right?”

“It's not that I don't want to.” I stopped myself and whispered. “Fuck” I covered my face with my hands. “Now that's all I'm going to be thinking about.”

Kadie sighed, “I shouldn't have told you.”

“No” I stopped her “I'm glad that you did. I mean, now I know there's no pressure right?” the corner of my mouth flinched as I spoke.

“Oh, Lynn!” Kadie's whisper was quiet once again as she leaned in to hug me.

Our attention was diverted to the crowd of people walking up to the glass doors. They were talking amongst each other and cheering. Kadie and I stood up to see what was going on.

The snow had finally stopped falling and the wind had calmed down enough for us to bare the cold.

“Come on.” Kadie held onto my arm “I know a short cut.”

We didn't do much talking during our walk. I don't know if it was because I was still bothered or because it was ridiculously cold.

Jonah was already at the apartment when I made it home. He was sitting on a bar stool at the kitchen counter with his laptop.

“Hey babe! You're alive!” He smiled as he stood up to give me a hug.

I forced a smile back.

“Oh my God, you're like a block of ice!” He helped me take my coat off and then rubbed my back. “You should take a hot shower to warm yourself up. I'll make you some hot cocoa when you get out.”

“Okay” I mumbled.

Jonah laughed to himself at my mood. “I love you” he said as he kissed my forehead.

“I love you, too.”