We're Having A Baby, My Baby and Me

Jonah was gripping my hand so tight my fingers were starting to turn fuchsia. I just stared down at my hand. I didn't know what to say, or do, or even how to act. Judging by Jonah's behavior I could tell he didn't know either. This was probably God's twisted way of foreshadowing the next eighteen years of our lives

Dr. Adler sensed our confusion and the smile on her face slowly vanished. She put down a file that she'd been holding before cupping her hands as if to add a more serious tone to her body language. “I understand if this may be an unwanted pregnancy. I won't ask any questions, but if you need some time to make your decision requiring the future of your baby...”

I knew it was standard information to give, especially after our blank expressions, but hearing her say “your baby” struck a chord with me.

“...We need to know immediately to take the proper repercussions.” Her voice was monotone. The loud, joyous, Dr. Adler that had walked into the room a minute ago was no longer here.

“How about a paternity test?” Jonah finally let go of my hand. “How soon would we be able to determine if this baby is even mine?”

My eyes practically popped out of my head as I snapped upwards. Dr. Adler was trying hard to hide the disgust on her face. In her eyes we'd quickly gone from a cute loving couple to a couple that needed to be on Maury.

“Oh, my God Dr. Adler!” I used all my strength to elbow Jonah in his obliques. He bent over erupting into laughter. “He's totally just kidding! Seriously! He knows it's his!” I tried to convince her while I looked at Jonah, who was recovering from his outburst, and spoke through my teeth. “He has the most inappropriate timings.”

Dr. Adler caught the sudden drift and smiled. She picked up the file once again, pointing it at Jonah, and squinted her eyes. “Oh, I've seen Mr. Cohen's talk show. I know he's a jokster.” She opened up the file in her hand and began walking towards the door. “Trust me Miss Barnes, despite the timings, the funny ones are the keepers.” She winked at us before she opened the door.

“Yeah...” I held onto my stomach as I smiled back, “apparently!”

She excused herself from the room allowing Jonah and I to talk. We stared at each other for a few seconds before I covered my face with my hands and laid back on the exam bed.

“Lynn” He spoke softly. I could feel his finger tips running up and down my arm as he stood over me.

“I just need a minute” I spoke through my fingers. Even though my hands were covering my face I still closed my eyes. Jonah's hands were no longer caressing me. Instead I felt him sit besides me. I took a deep breath and uncovered my face. “Why aren't you saying anything?”

Jonah furrowed his brows, “you told me you needed a minute.”

“Yeah,” I sat back up so we were face to face. “But, you haven't said anything since she told us.”

He took my hand and held it between his. “I can tell you need time to collect your thoughts. I don't want to say anything yet because I know you Lynn, I know you'll feel obligated to feel the same way. We're both going to be parents, but you're the one that has to carry the baby so it's important that you know how you feel.”

“Why do you have to be so nice all the time?” I leaned my head on Jonah's chest and did what I'd been doing for the last week. I cried. I don't even know why I was crying. At this point it was just turning into a habit.

Jonah's head laid on top of mine. His arms wrapped around me like a blanket. I felt his chest move slightly as a cool breath touched my head. I looked up baffled.

“What is it?” I asked. Jonah shook his head refusing to answer. “Jonah...” I leaned away from him so his arms were no longer on me. “Tell me.”

Jonah hesitated at first, but then went on.“You use to put walls up around your emotions. I remember I would have to try so hard to get you to tell me how you really felt. I'd have to ask the same question twenty times in twenty different ways...”

I chuckled and finished his sentence. “And now I spill my guts all the time.”

“I'm not complaining.” He smiled and opened his arms again. I nestled myself on his shoulder.

“It's weird.” I mumbled. Jonah asked what I was talking about and I continued. “I felt like I was ready, but once I heard Dr. Adler say it out loud I don't know anymore...I...I just don't feel ready. ”

“I think...” Jonah took a deep breath “It's something you can prepare yourself for, but it's something you won't be ready for until it happens.”

“You think so?” I looked up at Jonah hopeful.

He shrugged. “Yeah, because I have so much experience with having kids.”

I shook my head and smiled. I may have given him a hard time about his inappropriate timings, but the truth is, it never was. He always knew what to say at the right times. Even if it was something completely obscene just to put a smile on my face.

That morning I decided not to go to class. I knew I wouldn't have been able to concentrate and Henry would've probably asked a million and one questions. I couldn't deal with that right now. After the week I'd been having I just needed a little normalcy in my life for a brief twenty four hours.

Jonah didn't want me to be at home by myself. Especially since I'd been so full of emotions lately. He insisted I come with him to work. I laid on the couch in his office for most of the afternoon. The T.V mounted on the wall across from me was on, but I just stared at it blankly. Jonah liked to keep it on the news channel for current events. He'd watch for a few seconds from behind his desk and then go back to typing on his computer.

Every time Jonah had to leave his office Priyal, his assistant, would come in. He thought I didn't know it wasn't a coincidence, but I knew he asked Priyal to keep me company. She looked like she had a lot of work to do and I kept telling her to get back to it, but she'd refuse, saying it was no big deal, and that she never gets to spend time with me. She must have thought I was mentally unstable and couldn't stay in a room by myself.

Later that afternoon I went downstairs to the studio to watch Jonah film. I was always in and out of the studio so much that Mike, Jonah's producer, had a special seating area for me behind the camera where I could sit and watch with the crew.

Once the show was over Jonah and I headed back home. He still had some work to do, but decided he could finish it at home. We stopped by our favorite Thai take out and grabbed dinner.

“Babe” Jonah tried to get my attention while I opened up the box of food. He grabbed a piece of noodle and ate it. “You've been really quiet today.”

I took out a couple of plates, but Jonah put them back. He grabbed a fork and ate straight out of the box instead.

“I don't know what to say.” I shrugged.

He put his food down on the counter and held onto my shoulder. “Tell me you're okay.”

I smiled. “I'm okay” I shrugged again. “I just don't know what to say.”

Jonah continued to look into my eyes. He kissed my forehead and went back to eating.

“There's a million things going through my head.” I said as I poked at my food. “What's going to happen with school? I'll be working in the hospital by the time the baby comes so will I even be able to do my rotations? “

“Lynn..” Jonah tried to cut me off.

“You're at work, like, twenty hours out of the day so who's gonna watch the baby while I'm gone? Is this apartment even safe for the baby? Will we have to move again?”

“...Lynn...”

“Can we afford to move? How much does it cost to raise a baby any way? Do I have to multiple that cost by ten since we're living in New York? Why is everything so damn expensive here?” Jonah walked back over to me and covered my mouth with his hand.

“Lynn...breathe.” I inhaled a deep breath through my nose. “You're gonna keep going to school. You'll be able to do your rotations. We will get a nanny for when we're gone. If you don't feel comfortable here, we can always find a new place that's safe for our baby. And yes, we can afford to move. I'm not sure how much it cost to raise a baby, but trust me we can afford that too. In fact our baby could go to a private daycare and become a snobby New Yorker. And you'll have to ask Bill de Blasio about that last question.” Jonah finished answering all my questions just as fast as I had asked them. He waited a brief second longer before he moved his hand from my mouth.

That was it. That was all I wanted. To know everything was going to be okay.

“Our baby is gonna be a snobby New Yorker. I don't know if I should be happy or sad.”

Jonah laughed. “Hey, not all New Yorkers are bad.”

“Name one...” I squinted my eyes as I smiled.

“Oh! There she is! There's my beautiful fiance!” Jonah held my chin “I was looking for her all day!” He teasingly squeezed my cheeks as I tried to wiggle away from his grip. The two of us laughed like we hadn't in days. It felt familiar. Even though Jonah had been there the whole day, something snapped, and suddenly I didn't feel alone anymore.

I grabbed his hands and intertwined our fingers. I was wedged between the kitchen counter and Jonah's body. Everything about him being so close to me felt right. I smiled as I looked at him. “We're having a baby!”

Jonah smiled back just as big, if not bigger, “My baby and me” he sang softly before he leaned down and kissed me.