That Awkward Moment

It was 7pm on Monday and the gang and I were wrapping up our study session. Sarah, Henry, Emma, Corey, and I got together everyday after class to review the day's workload and study for upcoming material. We almost always met up in the same study room in the library. It was a repetitive routine I'm sure I could do in my sleep.

I grabbed my books and started stuffing them into my book bag. There was a crunching noise coming from inside. I peeked in to see the New York Times magazine. It had been such a busy Monday, I had almost forgotten about the article I'd read.

“What's this” Sarah tugged at the magazine as she slung her bag over her shoulder.

“Remember that guy, Connor Cassidy, I told you about?” I handed the magazine to Sarah and continued to put my laptop away. Sarah nodded her head. “Well, turns out he's a saint”.

Sarah scrunched her eyebrows together in disbelief. “You're telling me the New York Times did an article on your pricky fuck buddy?”

I narrowed my eyes at Sarah signaling for her to lower her voice. We were walking out of our study room into the main library and people were startled by her inappropriate remark.

“What?” She whispered acting as if people were looking for no reason.

We quickly shuffled out onto the street and sat down on a nearby bench. Sarah flipped through the magazine until she came across his article. “Times' Top Five Doctor's in The City You Should Know”, she whispered the title to herself.

After a couple of minutes she looked up and rolled her eyes.

“You'd think the guy would have some decency.” She tossed the magazine on to the empty space of the bench between us.

“Kadie thinks he's just being an ass to me. But, I think he's just an ass that tries to do good to make up for it.” I stood up as I saw Sarah's driver approaching in the oncoming traffic.

“Well why don't we find out?” Sarah stood up and grabbed my arm. She pulled me as we ran towards her driver. We weaved through the stopped traffic and climbed into the car.

Sarah pulled out her iPad and did what any millennial girl would do: cyber stalk.

“Con..ner...Cas..sid..dy” She said as she typed out his name in the Facebook search bar.

“No...no..no” We scrolled through until we found a thumbnail picture that resembled him the most. “Who knew there were so many Conner Cassidy's?”

“That's him!” I pointed

She clicked on his name and his profile pulled up. After giving each other a quick look we went back to investigating.

“He has over 2,000 friends.” Sarah noted in a sarcastic tone as she scrolled down his page.

“Wait!” I held my hand over Sarah's, gesturing her to stop scrolling. “What is that?” I pointed to a picture and she clicked on it.

It was of Connor in Africa. There was a entire album dedicated to his trip. From pictures of him in a medical tent to pictures of him helping the locals build wells. Sarah and I scrolled through them in silence. Neither one of us knew what to say.

“Wow, looks like he's been traveling a lot” Sarah clicked on Connor's pictures revealing a plethora of albums titled with the country's name. “I think these are all pro bono trips, Lynn. Maybe he is a saint?”

“Look” I pointed to a comment someone left on Connor's wall. I read it aloud, “So happy you're back in the states! This past year without you has been crucial. You were deeply missed by everyone. Let's grab some beers soon.” Sarah and I looked at each other, dumbfounded.

Sarah began clicking away again. “Let's see... His favorite shows are Suits, White Collar, Breaking Bad, Walking Dead. Typical guy shows. Judging by his likes and the comments on his wall, I think he's just an ass to you.” Sarah concluded as she exited out of Facebook and shut off her iPad.

I folded my arms over my chest while letting all the new information about Connor resonate.

“So, what are you going to do?” Sarah leaned her body towards me, interested in what I was going to say.

“What am I going to do with what?” I kept my gaze down at my lap.

“You have a bloke in L.A and a bloke over here. You love one and you're shagging another.”

“I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.” I held my head in both my hands.

Sarah began rubbing my shoulder, “Hey, I'll admit, it's not a bad problem to have”

“It's just” I sighed, trying to think of the right words to say. “It's just, Jonah was gone for so long. Connor was just suppose to be a stepping stone back into the world of normalcy.”

"Oh, my dear, there is nothing normal about the arrangements between you and Connor."

Sarah's driver pulled up to the curb outside my apartment. I grabbed my bags and hopped out. As I started walking away Sarah rolled down her window and shouted, “Why don't you just talk to him?”

I turned around “Who? Connor?”

“Yeah, Connor. Just ask him what his deal is. What do you have to lose?”

I pursed my lips and waved at Sarah as her driver drove off.

I made my way upstairs and opened my apartment door. To my surprise there were boxes spread around the living room. Kadie stood in the kitchen with a bottle of Gatorade in hand.

“What's going on?” I kicked a box as I walked in.

“Hope you don't mind the mess. Adam's lease is ending in a couple of weeks so we're trying to find a place before then. I thought I'd slowly start packing up my stuff.”

I turned my back to Kadie to hang my coat on the rack. (and to roll my eyes of course) It was just one thing after the other. Why couldn't I just catch a damn break already?

I inhaled a deep breath and spun back around with a plastered smile on my face. “Of course I don't mind! Do you need help with anything?”

“I don't think so. I didn't bring much stuff with me. Adam has most of the furniture we're gonna be moving”

I dropped my bags and walked into the kitchen. Kadie went on to tell me about her day. I casually pretended to listen as I rummaged through the fridge. I was so hungry I couldn't think straight. I finally settled on leftover pasta and stuck it into the microwave.

Kadie and I spent the rest of the night catching up on shows we'd miss the past week. After she'd fallen asleep I went into my room to study until I eventually passed out too.

The next afternoon when I was in physiology my phone started vibrating. It was a text from Connor.

Where have you been? Haven't heard from you in a while. Come over tonight?

I caught myself smiling. I had no idea why. I continued to stare at my phone before I responded.

Sure. See you @ 7

Once I got out of class I headed down to the subway. I made my way to Connor's apartment and knocked on his door.

“Hey” He said smugly while moving back to let me inside.

“Hi” I smiled back.

When I walked inside his apartment it was like I was looking at it with a fresh pair of eyes. I was suddenly interested in what I would find. I saw a wall of photographs that looked like they were taken around the world. There was a few short shelves under the photographs that held multiple DSLR cameras and lenses.

“I didn't know you were into photography” I walked over to the shelf, tracing my finger along the lenses. I gazed up at the wall of photos and admired them.

“Yeah” Connor said unenthusiastically “Why don't we go over here” He lightly tugged at my arm, guiding me into the living room, where we normally sat.

I followed him over. He sat at one end of the couch and I sat at the other.

“Here” Connor leaned over and handed me a glass of wine.

“So” I stared at him hoping he'd say something. I felt unusually shy. Like, I had forgotten how to have a normal conversation

“I've had a really long day” Connor stretched his arms. He put his glass down on the coffee table and whispered as he scooted closer to me, “So why don't we...just...get this started...” Connor's hand ran up my thigh as he brought his mouth to my neck.

Before he could kiss me I pulled back. “Wait!” I pushed Connor away from me and stood up.

He covered his face with his hand and sighed. “What?”

“I think figure skating is coming on!” I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

“Are you serious?” He furrowed his brows.

“It's my favorite part of the Olympics!” I walked over to the opposite side of Connor and sat down. I had no idea what I was doing. Usually, when I would come over, Connor and I would get straight to business. But, for some reason I just wanted to be with him, without actually being with him.

“Lynn, if you're not going to do this then I think you should go” He said while walking in my view of the TV.

“Can't we just talk? Like we did last time?” I looked up at him with my puppy dog eyes.

“I told you. That was a one time deal.” He took the remote from my hands.

“Fine. I guess I'll see you later” I grabbed my bag and left Connor's apartment.

What the fuck was that? I thought to myself. I couldn't believe the way I was acting.

I walked out into the street. It was a little late so I decided to hail cab. When I sat inside I gave the driver Jaime's address.

I quickly called Jaime when we approached his block.

“Hey, are you at home?” I asked.

“Yeah, what's up?” he sounded confused.

“Open your door, I'm outside”

I heard a shuffling on the phone before he hung up. Jaime opened his window and looked down to see me stepping out of the cab.

“I'm buzzing you in!” He shouted.

I walked in through the main doors and took the elevator up to his floor. He stood waiting for me when the doors opened.

“Lynn, is everything okay?” he held both my shoulders.

“I think I'm falling for Connor.”