Next Step

“Always start from the right.”

Jonah stood behind me as his hand guided mine away from the left side of the Menorah. I looked over my shoulder and winkled my nose. He smiled and kissed me on the top of my head to make me feel better about my mistake.

“It's okay.” His cheek rested on my head and his hands wrapped themselves around my waist. “I'm just glad you're making an effort.”

I turned around to face Jonah. “What's important to you is important to me.”

“And what's important to you is important to me.” Jonah smiled. “Which is why I'm going to spend Christmas in Texas with your family.”

“It'll be fun” We were just slightly rocking back and forth, as if we were doing a slow motion dance. “Woody, Mark, Lacey and Rebecca will be there. Oh, and of course Adam and Kadie.”

Jonah shrugged. “Still not too fond of Kadie, but if that means Adam will be there...”

“Come on, Jonah” I gave him a look. “She was having a moment and she's already apologized to you.”

“Have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?” Jonah said, changing the subject.

I rolled my eyes. “Only all the time, Jon.”

Jonah pushed my hair away from my face. His fingers traced the outline of my jaw as he lifted my chin up.

“So” I spoke softly. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

He clearly wasn't paying attention. It took him a few seconds to respond. His eyes were on my lips when he finally leaned down and kissed me. We pulled away for a brief moment to look at one another and kissed again.

Jonah rested his chin on my head. “God, I really wish my family was here for Hanukkah.”

“Is that what you were thinking about while we were kissing?” I looked at him with bewilderment.

Jonah laughed as he walked into the kitchen. I stood standing by the dining table as I watched him. We already had dinner set on the table, he was just grabbing our plates from the cabinet.

“Of course not!” His pale cheeks flushed pink. “I've always been in a position where I could take time off to spend with my family. It just feels weird to be in charge and not have that freedom.”

“Well, you have me if that's any consolation.” I shrugged as I took the plates from Jonah's hands and set them on the table.

“That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” Jonah pulled out my chair for me before he sat down. “I think...if you're comfortable with it...” He stretched out his words.

I acted casual as I laid my napkin over my lap. But really, my heart was racing a mile per minute. I knew something big was coming since the moment he mentioned wanting to talk. “Jonah, I'm honestly about to have an anxiety attack. Spill it already!”

“I was thinking, again, if you're comfortable with it, that we should move in together.” He put his fork down and waited for my reaction.

“Okay” My face was expressionless. I picked up my fork and began stabbing at my dinner. Did I just say okay and continue eating dinner? I was having an outer body moment.

“Okay, as in, yes....or...” Both of Jonah's hands were on the table and he continued to look at me even though I was focused on my dinner.

I sighed, putting my fork down, and leaning into my chair. I looked over at Jonah's hopeful face. “Okay, as in, can I have some time to think about it?”

He didn't say anything. He just did one of those wide eye, eyebrow raising, expressions like I just said something crazy. “Sure I guess” he shook his head, looking away, as if he were trying to figure out what went wrong. “I just figured, if I'm not at your place, then you're at mine. So, it would make sense.”

This time I stayed quiet. It wasn't that I didn't want to move in with Jonah, because I really did. I had already imagined how I'd greet him at the door after a long day at work. How we could lay in bed together every night and never have to miss each other. But, my dreams were crushed when I thought about how this high that we've been on would eventually die down. I really didn't want to hurt his feelings or make him think that I didn't care about our relationship. Things were perfect as they were. Why mess with it?

When I didn't respond Jonah picked his fork back up and began eating again, but stopped before he could actually get food in his mouth, “I'm just a little confused.” He put his fork down. “Because I thought we were on the same page.”

“We are.” I smiled and reached over to give his hand a squeeze. I looked around the apartment and tried to find a reasonable explanation. “I would feel like I'm intruding on your space if I moved in here.”

Jonah furrowed his brows. “This place is huge” He slipped his hand away and sat back in his chair. “But, if that's the case we can always find a new place. That way there aren't any territory issues.”

“Can I ask you something?” Jonah's hands folded over his torso as he waited for my question. “Why do you want to move in together?”

“That's such an obvious answer. Why do you not want to move in together is a better question.”

“I never said no, Jonah. I just said I need some time to think about it.”

He leaned back over the table and grabbed my hand again. He could see how uncomfortable I felt. “I don't ask for a lot. And I don't want to make you feel like this is something you have to do, but I do know you're holding back.”

“Fine, you want to know the truth?” I finally broke. “I'm afraid we're going to move in together, find some ridiculous thing that annoys us about one another, and break up.”

“Lynn” Jonah said softly trying to calm me down. “That's not going to happen.”

“How do you know?” Jonah stared at me quietly. “I guess I'm just scared.” I sighed as I admitted the truth. “I've lost you twice already. I can't handle losing you again.”

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 Hey Readers,

New York Dixie will be going on a short hiatus during winter break. There will be a special New Years post on THURSDAY JANUARY 1st. And regular posting will resume on JANUARY 12th. I hate that I have to step away from the blog for a moment, but I'm working on a special project that I'm excited to share with you all once we return on Jan. 12th. This project needs my undivided attention for the next few weeks, but I promise you'll love it! I hope that you all have a happy, happy holiday!! Enjoy, be merry, and stay safe! 

Xx