Thursday, March 26, 2015

Cheek to Cheek

“Just breathe”

I whispered to Jonah as we stood outside of his mom's house. It was Friday night and Jonah had just proposed the night before. Of course, I called my parents as soon as we'd gotten home that night. They were beyond ecstatic. But, since Jonah's family was so close by he wanted to tell them in person.

“You know, you'd think that by being on live T.V every night things like this wouldn't make you nervous.” I smirked as I watched him repeatedly fix his shirt. “Jonah, you look fine.”

“It's a Jewish mother thing, you wouldn't understand.” He exhaled a deep breath before knocking on the door. “They literally obsess over marriage the minute you're born.”

“Well I guess Jewish boys have that in common with Southern girls.” I joked and Jonah finally managed to crack a smile.

The minute we heard the door knob turning the nerves jumped straight from Jonah to me. I reached down and grabbed his hand and he squeezed it tight.

The front door hadn't even swung completely open before Anna had practically jumped into Jonah's arms. I let go of his hand and stood back. She was a tiny frail woman compared to him, but she still some how managed to devour him into a hug.

“Congratulations!!” She squealed with excitement! “Oh, my sweet boy! My baby's a grown man now!”

I giggled to myself as Jonah shot me a look of confusion. He hugged her back and tried to calm her down. “Ma” He said politely, but she was still covering his face in kisses. “Ma!” he said it a bit louder this time finally catching her attention.

“Oh, Joni” Her head tilted back to look up at him while her hands softly cradled his face.“You just made me the happiest mother!”

“Oh my, God, Ma!” Jonah began laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. He was nervous about sharing the news and she'd already known this whole time. “How did you know?”

“Let's see” She pretended like she was thinking about it to emphasize her sarcasm. “You asked your sisters to be here for dinner on a random Friday night.”

Jonah laughed and gave her another hug “Yeah, I guess I kinda gave it away with that, huh?”

Anna shook her head as she leaned out of the hug.“Maybe if you came over more often you wouldn't have spoiled the surprise!”

“Oh, come on, Ma. I'm here all the time!”

“Lynn!” Anna broke her tunnel vision away from Jonah and noticed that I was standing a step away. She threw her hands up and embraced me into a hug. “Mazel Tov, my dear!” She kissed my cheeks and held my chin as she spoke to me. “I've prayed every day since Jonah was born that he'd find the perfect wife...”

Jonah brushed his shoulder against mine. “See, I told you.” he whispered

“...And I couldn't be happier that it's someone as sweet, beautiful, and caring as you.” She gave me another hug. One that was so bone crushingly tight that I could actually feel her emotions. She let go and looked at me one last time. “My God, you look so radiant tonight, absolutely stunning.”

“Wow” I tried to smile, but I couldn't because my lips just wouldn't stop trembling. I did that weird thing where you close your eyes and pout until your face muscles start cramping. I tried to say, “That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.” But, instead, I began crying and it came out more like “” With gasping breaths interjected between each word.

I covered my face with my hand to hide my ugly cry. “Babe” I heard Jonah's calming voice as he tried to loosen my hand from my face.

“Oh, honey!” I felt Anna's hand rub my shoulder. Both she and Jonah wrapped their arms around me and gave me a hug.

I apologized profusely once I was able to finally catch my breath. “I don't know what's gotten into me. I never use to cry like this” I tried to explain while wiping away my tears. “But, I've been crying like a baby since Jonah proposed.”

“These Cohen men” Anna shook her head trying to cheer me up. “They can do that to you!”

We went inside where Anna had a few pre-dinner snacks ready for us while we waited on Casey to pick Amanda up from the airport. I went to the powder room and tried to salvage what little mascara I had left on my lashes.

I heard a knock on the door before Jonah peered in. There were sounds of dishes clanking against each other around the corner. Jonah whispered asking if I was okay. I told him everything was fine, but he hesitated to believe me.

I fixed my makeup up and joined Anna in the kitchen. She made Jonah's favorite Italian chicken with what looked like a million sides. I helped her plate all the food and set the dinner table when Amanda and Casey finally showed up. They had the same reaction as Anna. 

Amanda came flying through the door and snatched my hand to see the ring. “Ho-ly shit!” She squealed once she saw the ring. “Who knew Joni had it in him!”

“Very funny, you knuckle head” Jonah pushed Amanda's head causing her to stumble back.

Casey took the opportunity to push Amanda out of the way completely. “Let me see! Let me see!”

I couldn't help but laugh. Every time I came to Jonah's family's place I always felt a sense of love and admiration that I'd been lacking in other parts of my life. My parents were always working, or going to social events, so our house was empty growing up. It never really bothered me, I mean, it still doesn't. I just never knew what it felt like to have so many people around.

“Ma, did you tell them?” Jonah asked trying to pull Casey away from my hand. He'd gone into a sudden defensive mode.

Amanda responded instead,“We figured it out when you asked us all to be here for dinner.”

“Is it that obvious?” Jonah shook his head.

Casey let go of my hand and consulted Jonah. She placed her hand on his shoulder. “When you barely ever come home and you have a pretty little girlfriend, it kinda makes it obvious.”

Jonah shrugged her hand off his shoulder. “Case, how much more am I suppose to come home? I'm here all the time!”

She smiled and squinted her eyes at him as she patted his face. “Mazel Tov, baby bro.” Casey turned to me, “I'm really not surprised, Lynn. I knew you'd be my sister since the moment Jonah started talking about you.” She gave me a hug.

“I feel like I should wish you luck more than anything else” Amanda chimed in. “Jonah's annoying as hell.”

“Trust me, I know.” I smiled at Jonah. Amanda and I both laughed and high fived as he rolled his eyes. “But, he's also perfect in every way” I pulled Jonah towards me and gave him a kiss. He smiled between kisses knowing Amanda was totally hating this.

“Okay, gross” Amanda walked to her seat at the dinner table. “That is not how I saw this ending.”

The rest of dinner was spent telling embarrassing stories about Jonah. Anna was the only one defending him, but even she had a story to add in from time to time. Casey and Amanda insisted I tell one too as an “initiation” to the family. Jonah took it like a true champ. He laughed along and occasionally told it from his point of view.

After dinner we sat around the living and continued our conversations. It was starting to get late and Amanda was exhausted from her flight, so she headed to bed early. It started a domino effect and slowly, one by one, everyone left until it was just Jonah and I snuggling on the couch.

I stood up and began stretching. It'd been an exhausting night. “I think we should go. Everyone's asleep.”

Jonah yawned. “I don't think I can make the drive back. Why don't we just stay here tonight?” He asked as he ruffled his collar away from his neck. He looked completely different than when he walked into the house. A lot more relaxed. The top few buttons of his shirt were unbuttoned, his hair was messy, but still adorable, and his shirt was almost untucked from his slacks.

I smiled at him and agreed. I was exhausted too.

As I waited for Jonah to get up I fiddled with the record player. I remember Jonah telling me it belonged to his dad. And how when he was a kid he'd always wake up at night to find his parents dancing in the living room.

He walked up behind me when he noticed my fascination with the records. His body was pressed up against my back as his arms slide around my waist. I held my hands over his. “Tonight was perfect.” He whispered and kissed my neck.

“You know what would make it better?” I whispered back. He pulled away when I looked at him. “If you danced with me.” His grin grew from ear to ear. It was always his request to dance, but tonight it was my turn to ask.

He held my hand as he raised it over my head and spun me around. My dress perfectly circled around me and I couldn't help but smile. He placed his hands on the small of my back as mine rested around his shoulders and slowly, without sound, we began dancing.

“Heaven, I'm in heaven” Jonah quietly sang in my ear. “And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak.” His voice was so sweet and melodic we didn't even need the music. “And I seem to find the happiness I seek.” He kissed my head where his was resting. “When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek.”

I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I'd been so irritated every time I felt myself crying, but not this time. This time it felt natural.

I quickly blinked back the tears when Jonah and I caught Anna in the doorway. She was smiling and blinking her eyes just as I was.

“That was the last song I danced to with your father.” She said to Jonah.

“I know” He smiled.“You danced to Sinatra's cover of the song.”

Anna smiled, dazed by the memory. “Your father would be proud.”

“I have a lot to thank him for.” I nudged Jonah. “He made you into the perfect husband without you knowing. And I'm sure they'll be days in the future when his impression continues to influence you.”

“I have no doubt about that.” Anna came up to Jonah and I and gave each of us a kiss on the cheek. “You're already like him by marrying a woman smarter than you.” Jonah blushed as we laughed.

We left Anna's house early the next morning. Both Jonah and I had work to catch up on. We spent most of the weekend avoiding what was really on our minds: My doctor's appointment.

I couldn't believe it was just a few days ago that I was panicking to know whether I was pregnant or not. And even though I still didn't know, I couldn't have felt more calm. Like, everything that happened in the last few days was suppose to ease me into knowing.

The weekend past without our knowledge, and before we knew it Jonah and I were sitting in my doctor's office waiting to hear the news. We sat alone and quietly stared at the wall of vagina posters. Or maybe I was unconsciously staring at them while Jonah awkwardly stared at the floor. I can't really remember.

Every now and then my leg would start shaking, causing the thin sheet of paper between my leg and the exam table to make a crinkling noise. Jonah would place his hand on my knee to calm me down. But, the minute he let go it would happen all over again.

Jonah's grip on my knee tightened when we heard the door knob turning. He didn't realize he was doing it until I placed my hand over his and he let go, grabbing my hand instead.

“We have some great news!” Dr. Adler, a petite brunette with an unnaturally loud voice, walked into the room announcing.

Jonah and I perked up and stared at one another with wide eyes. “Great news, how?” I asked and continued talking a mile a minute the way I always do when I'm nervous. “Like great news you can go about your regular life? Or great news your life is about to change forever? Because honestly I've thought long and hard about it and I'm ready for either.”

Dr. Adler laughed at my nervousness. She'd seen this one too many times.

“You are?” Jonah asked. “Because I'm ready for either if you are.”

“So you're ready to have a family?” My chest was rising and falling heavily without my consent. We really should have had this conversation before.

Jonah stood up next to me and rubbed my back. “I am.” He said without a flinch of regret. “So, what's it gonna be?”

“Yes, Dr. Adler, please tell me or else you're gonna have to send me to the emergency room!” 

Jonah and I squeezed each others hand and I stared at her in a way that I've never looked at anyone. Fearful...anxious...hopeful...scared.

She folded her arms across her chest and paused for a moment, curling in her lip. Dr. Adler gave us one last look before she smiled and broke the news.

“Congratulations, you're pregnant!”

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Stubborn Love

“What the fuck!”

I screamed as I stared down at the pregnancy test. My heart couldn't beat any faster than it already was. I was practically in the fetal position (no pun intended) pulling my hair out. Jonah and Kadie both jumped up from the couch at the same time.

“What? What is it?” Jonah walked around the coffee table to where I was curled up.

Kadie trailed after him, “what does it say?”

I groaned irritatedly. This was the third test I tried. They were all telling me the same thing. “It didn't read.”

Kadie hissed, “What kind of cheap test did you pick up, Jaime?”

He rolled his eyes, “I grabbed whatever Duane Reade had, okay?” Jaime picked up another box off the table and tossed it to me. “Try this one.”

Sarah gently pushed his hand away. “ I think it's safe to say you're not pregnant.”

“Or it could just be too soon to tell.” Jaime added.

Sarah gave Jaime a stern look. “What” he whispered and shrugged. “It happens you know.”

“Well, one things for sure. I'm all peed out.” I tossed the test stick in my hand onto the table. Jaime flinched back in disgust.

“How bout we call it a night, guys.” Jonah stood up and everyone followed one by one. “Let's give Lynn some space.” He turned back to look at me. “I know it's gonna be hard to wait, but maybe tomorrow you can go to your doctor and find out what's going on.”

I sighed heavily and rubbed the heels of my palm against my temple. “I most definitely can't wait, but I guess it's better than reading another error.”

I reassured everyone that I'd be okay before they finally agreed to leave. The truth was with every bad reading I was growing more and more emotionless. Like, I didn't know how to feel. On one hand I kept thinking about how young I am. How I'm still in school and haven't even started my career. On the other hand, part of me really wanted to have this baby with Jonah.

The only way I could pick myself up off the floor was to pretend the last hour of my life didn't actually happen. I cleared the mess and sanitized everything. Jonah was already in bed by the time I was done. He laid on his back staring up at the ceiling. I changed into my pajamas and joined him.

“What are you thinking about?” I finally broke the silence.

Jonah turned his head to look at me and then went back to staring at the ceiling. “My dad” a smile slowly crept up on his face. “My elementary school was just a couple of blocks away from the house. So, everyday my dad would walk there to pick me up after school. It wasn't far, but we'd always take our time walking home. Sometimes he'd take me to the park, or we'd go to the field and play a little catch, it was like our bonding moment.”

My eyes watched Jonah's mouth as he spoke. “That's cute” I whispered.

“I'd always ask him all these questions.”

“Like what?” I closed my eyes and listened.

“Oh, you know, random little nothings.” I felt the bed move as Jonah shifted. “Mainly questions about being an adult. He'd answer most of them, but the ones I really wanted to know he'd always give me the same answer to.”

I peeked through my lashes, Jonah was still aimlessly staring up at the ceiling. “What would he say?”

“Ask me when you're older.” He exhaled a slight laugh. “It's just not fair.” Jonah's voice cracked and his lip began to curl in. My eyelids were no longer heavy. I stared intently, confused by his sudden reaction.

He took in a deep breath to help him calm down. After a few seconds he finally spoke. “It's not fair that I need him and he's not here.” He pressed his lips together tightly as he held in a sob.

I immediately popped up onto my elbow to comfort him, but he was already gone into the bathroom shutting the door behind him.

“Jonah, baby...” I gently pushed the door open. He had his back turned towards me. “Are you crying?”

He tried to clear his throat, but it didn't help much. “No” I saw his hand reach up towards his face. “I just... I need a minute”

I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed his back. As fun loving of a guy Jonah was, he had a deep emotional side that he wouldn't let anyone see. Not even me. I could tell by all the stories I heard from his family that he was left to be the man in charge. He'd always seen his dad as a happy, joke-y guy that loved his wife deeply. So, that's what he'd portray, making sure he hid the real raw emotions for himself.

I walked around until we were face to face. His eyes were closed, avoiding contact, and a wave of sadness took over his face in a way I couldn't even bare to witness. I wrapped my arms around him again in a tight hug. I felt his body shake as he continued to sob silently it almost made me want to cry too.

“Jonah” I whispered “It's okay” my hands rubbed his back gently hoping to soothe him.

“It's not okay, Lynn. I need him the most now and he's not here. He's never going to be here.”

“Shhh” I tried to calm him down. “He's always here. He's with you now. And guess what Joni? I'm here. You always have your mom and your sisters and me. You don't always have to feel like you're alone.”

His breathing deepened and the sobbing gradually ceased. “I know” he cleared his throat again. “It's just scary to think I might be a father one day. What if something happens to me? I don't ever want my kid to feel the way I do.”

“Jon!” I lifted my head off his chest and stared at him. “Don't think like that.” I held onto both his shoulders. “If I am pregnant...and if it is yours...” I was having such a rough day, the last thing I wanted to do was joke around, but I knew it would lighten Jonah's mood.

The side of his mouth slightly curled.

“And if that child even gets to spend a day with you, I'd consider him lucky. But that's not something we're in control of. We're only in control of being the best that we can be and that's really all I can ask from you.”

“I know” Jonah whispered. “Sorry.” he wiped the tears from his cheek and looked down at me.

“For what?” I asked.

“For making this about me when really I know you're losing your mind right now.” He leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

“We're in this together, Jonah. It's not about me, it's about us.”

Jonah managed to let out half a laugh. “Who knew you'd be the sensible one in a rough situation?”

I smiled, “I don't usually have my shit together do I?”

Jonah jokingly shook his head. “No, no you don't.”

The next morning I paced the halls of school waiting for the clock to strike nine. I was anxious to call my doctor. I needed to know what these pregnancy test weren't telling me. Sarah walked alongside me. She was just as nervous. Henry was waiting in class for us. He had no idea what was going on, but I made sure it stayed that way until things were confirmed.

“It's nine! It's nine!” Sarah shook my shoulder. I looked down at my phone, I already had the number on speed dial. The phone rang, and rang...and rang. It felt like it was never ending. Finally, after a few minutes, I heard a voice on the other end. We spoke briefly before I hung up.

“Well, should we go?” Sarah asked, turning towards the exit.

“No” I looked defeated. “She doesn't have any openings until Monday.”

“We can call someone else!” Sarah dug through her purse for her phone. “Here, I'll give you my doctor's number!”

I pushed her hand away and took a deep breath. “It's okay. I think I'm going to wait.” Sarah gave me the most bewildered look I'd ever seen. “I trust my doctor. Plus, I don't know Sar, something's telling me to wait.”

“Mother's instinct” Sarah blurted. “Oh, I mean..”

I smiled and rolled my eyes. If she'd said that to me yesterday I would have freaked out. Like legitimately freaked out. But, after my moment with Jonah I felt a weird calming sensation.

I told Sarah we'd talk about it after my appointment, but until then I didn't want to hear any pregnancy talk. I even texted Jaime and Kadie saying the same thing. It wasn't that I was trying to ignore it. But, I couldn't get my emotions in check. Either I was one way or another, two complete opposites, and never in between.

I knew Jonah was filming during the day, so I didn't bother him until late in the evening when I was out of school. I told him I was walking to the subway on my way home, but he asked if I could meet him in Central Park. He needed a break from work and wanted to see me.

I waited on the park bench deep in the middle of the park. It was the same spot we'd always meet at. It was the only part of the park that wasn't always crowded. I watched the sun hide behind the trees as it set.

Jonah appeared in the distance, hands behind his back, still wearing a suit. I could tell it was Tom Ford by the way the fabric glistened. His wardrobe team always made him wear it because of how well it looked on camera. I smiled as I watched him. It reminded me of when we'd first met and how excited I would get to see him in a suit. It was always form fitted and made him look like he was the most important man in the room.

“Oh” I was caught by surprise as Jonah handed me a bouquet of flowers. “These are beautiful. What's the occasion?” I smiled.

Jonah shrugged. “I saw them on my way here and they reminded me of you”

I leaned forward to give him a kiss. We'd become so busy with our lives that little gestures like this felt foreign.

I told Jonah about my phone call with the doctor. He asked if I was okay and I told him how I'd been feeling. He told me he'd been thinking a lot since the night before. That's when he turned to me nervously.

“Lynn, last night was a big moment for me. I've never let anyone see me like that. And you helped me get through it so selflessly.”

I rubbed his knee as I spoke. “Babe, it's okay. He was a big part of your life. You can't always hold up a wall, Jonah, it's not healthy.”

“I know, I know” He said as he covered his face with his hands. “I've always tried to hide it, but with you I never felt more at peace.”

I smiled at the sweet little compliment and hugged him.

“It all makes sense now.” Jonah smirked as he looked at me.

“What makes sense?” I asked.

“The way I felt when I first saw you. I wasn't nervous, I mean I was because obviously you're too beautiful for a guy like me.”

“Oh come on, 'Mr. Campus Stud'.” I air quoted sarcastically. “I'm lucky to have you”

“When I first saw you, I felt relieved. I felt like I'd been subconsciously looking for you my whole life, and when I finally saw you standing in front of me the first thought that came to mind was, “there she is.” I couldn't believe I was staring at my future. I'm one of the luckiest people in the world to know that I've found the love of my life.”

“Jonah” I felt a tiny bit of water building up at the corner of my eyes.

“I thought I was crazy, Lynn! I'd never felt this emotion before and it was scary. But..” He grabbed my hands and intertwined his fingers with mine. “My feelings for you were confirmed each and every time the universe brought us back together. It's been that way since before we even met. The fact that you had a desire to come to the City where I, out of millions of people, ended up being the first person you met speaks volumes, Lynn. And since that day, I fell deeper in love with you with each and every one of your quirks.

“I'm not that quirky” I felt the tears finally roll down my face. Jonah smiled and wiped them away.

“What I'm trying to say is, I love you. I always have and I always will.” Jonah's hands let go of mine. He reached into his suit pocket and slide off of the park bench and onto one knee. He was so nervous he could barely smile.

My immediate reaction was a gasp. I covered my mouth to stop myself from crying uncontrollably.

“Lynn Lee, will you marry me?”

He opened the ring box and I was in complete and utter shock. Inside rested the most beautiful sapphire ring surrounded by diamonds. It would give the Duchess of Cambridge a run for her money.

“Oh my God! Yes! Yes!” I held Jonah's face between my hands. “A million times yes!”

We kissed passionately before Jonah slipped the ring onto my finger. I stared at it in amazement. It wasn't how gorgeous the ring was that caught me off guard, but the fact that it was the same ring I would stare at in the window display of Harry Winston. I hadn't even told Jonah how much I liked it. Or anyone for that matter.

He read my expression. “I've seen you drool over it every time we pass the window display.” He smiled and shrugged. “And the fact that it's the only thing you have pinned on your wedding board on Pinterest.”

I laughed, embarrassed. “I thought that thing was private.” I rested my hand on Jonah's chest and stared at the ring as it twinkled. His hands rested on the small of my back as he continued to watch me. It was then that I remembered why we were here in the first place.

“But Jonah...” I slide my hand off his chest. “I don't want you to do this just because I might be pregnant. Because if that's the case, I rather you do it when you're ready.”

Jonah smirked. “You think all of this is because you might be pregnant? Lynn, I've been carrying around this box in my pocket every day for the last year. I even asked for your father's permission when he came into town for Kadie's wedding.”

I was taken back.“Really?”

Jonah laughed. “Yes! I've just been too nervous. I planned on doing this a million different ways, but after last night, it just finally felt right.”

“What'd my dad say?” I asked as I nuzzled myself into Jonah's arms. He rested his head on mine.

“He gave me his blessings and told me good luck. That I'd need it because of how stubborn you are.”

That sounded exactly like something my dad would say. “What'd you tell him?”

“I told him how obsessed you are with me and that there was no doubt you'd say yes.”

I pushed Jonah's shoulder and he laughed. “I love you, Lynn”

“I love you too, Jonah.” I whispered.

Thursday, March 12, 2015


I wiped my mouth and flushed the toilet as I stood up off the ground. This was the third time this week I'd woken up with a stomach virus. I figured it was something I'd eaten in Mexico, but it was already almost a week since we'd been back. Besides, Jonah had eaten everything I'd eaten and he seemed perfectly fine and healthy.

Jonah knocked on the bathroom door before his head peeked in.”Hey babe” he grimaced at the sight of my weak limp body.

I grunted. “You know I hate for you to see me like this” I gestured for him to close the door. He walked in instead.

“Are you sure you don't want me to stay home?” He asked as he tucked his shirt into his pants. He came up behind me and caressed his hands over my back.

“No, really....” I sighed. I wouldn't have minded if he stayed home, but I knew without him at work an entire staff would be out of commission. So I lied instead. “I'll be fine. I'm actually feeling a little bit better.”

We went back and forth until I finally convinced him to go. He hesitated as he pulled his belt through his pant loop holes – going slower and slower with each pull.

Jonah left and I went back to bed. I'd been in the bathroom dry heaving long enough for the sheets to be nice and cool when I greeted them once again. I laid restlessly staring up at the ceiling until I decided to grab my phone and catch up on Instagram.

That's when I saw I had a missed call from Rebecca and a text from Kadie. I was a little surprised to see she'd given me a call so early in the morning, but I scrolled past it and went to Kadie's message.

Made your favorite tomato basil soup. Can I come by this afternoon?

Sure I texted back.

I was just about to call Rebecca back when I drifted into sleep. I was jolted awake when I heard Kadie's boney fingers knocked rapidly on the door. I looked at the time, not realizing how quickly it passed, when I saw multiple missed calls from Kadie.“Lynn!” she shouted “Wake up!”

I scurried to the door, still wrapped up in my blanket, and opened the door. “I'm so sorry!” I profusely apologized. “I fell sleep”

Oh Lynn, look at you!” She held my face with one hand and examined it. “You poor thing!”

My nose scrunched at a sudden smell that had infested my nose. I grimaced. “What is that pungent smell?”

Kadie looked taken back and sniffed the corner of her jacket. “I don't smell anything besides my perfume”

No, it's not you” She released a breath of relief. “It's like, a sodium smell, or something.”

Sodium?” She asked as she put a container of soup on the kitchen counter. “How can you smell sodium?”

I came to the conclusion it was the soup. Kadie denied it. She said the soup didn't have a smell and even if it did it was in an air tight container. Either way I put it away in the fridge.

Did you hear from Rebecca?” Kadie asked as we sat down on opposite ends of the couch. I leaned my back against the arm rest, still wrapped up like a burrito.

She called me earlier, but I fell asleep before I could call her back.”

You'll never believe what she told me.” Kadie's smile grew as her right eyebrow shot up. It was something she always did when she shared exciting information. Almost like an, I know something you don't know, look.

What?” I causally asked, but Kadie hadn't responded in attempt to add some thrill. “What??”

She's moving to New York!” Kadie squealed. “She'll be here by the end of the month!”

What!” I was pleasantly puzzled.

Kadie gripped onto my knee making sure I heard her. “But, don't tell her I told you!”

I agreed and asked why Rebecca decided on a sudden change. It was so unlike her. She was a southern belle in every way. The few times she'd been here she seemed to enjoy it, but that's only because she'd be here for a couple of days at a time. I couldn't imagine her actually living here.

She said she's tired of the same old. Apparently she'd been contemplating it since we left.” Kadie shrugged her shoulders. “I mean, there isn't much going on there, ya know?”

Wow” I whispered to myself. “That's interesting. Does she have a plan or anything?”

My cell phone rang cutting off Kadie's train of thought. I leaned over to grab it from the coffee table. It was Sarah. She'd been worried about me missing class and wanted to drop by to give me my notes.

Sarah's coming by” I warned Kadie.

Her eye gleamed. She hadn't seen Sarah since “the incident” which is what we were all referring to the obscene video of Woody and Sarah playing at Kadie's wedding.

I know what that look is, K.” I gave her a look. “She didn't do it with malicious intent.”

I never said she did!” Kadie held up her hands accusingly. “I just find it highly inappropriate, that's all.”

I rolled my eyes. “Anyway, she's just down the street she'll be here any minute.”

I knew Kadie wasn't angry with Sarah, but she always has a way of making people feel guilty. We were on total opposite ends of the issue. She was offended, rightfully so, while I didn't think it was a big deal. I think Kadie was more invested in it because of her relationship with Woody. He'd always been like a big brother to her and the fact that she hadn't known about his feelings towards Sarah threw her off.

I was still feeling weak so Kadie opened the door when Sarah rang the bell. There was a second of silence before Sarah greeted Kadie. I could just imagine the level of awkward flowing between the two.

Sarah finally burst, "Kadie I'm so so so sorry." 

Kadie waved her hand stopping Sarah. "Don't worry about it. I know it was an accident." She looked over at me as if to say 'Happy?'

I smiled back. Kadie continued as the two walked over. "How are things between you two anyway?"

"Woody and I?" Sarah seemed caught off guard. "That was just a one time thing. I don't know what had gotten into me."

"Apparently Woody" Kadie mumbled. I rolled my eyes, I knew better than to think Kadie could play nice for so long.

Sarah chose to ignore her. “Hey Lynn” She made her way over and sat on the ottoman across from me. “How are you feeling? Still got the bug?”

I groaned, clenching onto my stomach.

That bad?”

It's worse in the morning, but I've just been feeling more irritated than anything.”

Sarah's eyes widened. “Do you think...”

I leaned forward. I knew what she was going to ask. I can't believe I hadn't thought of it before.

Sarah's eyes shot over my shoulder at Kadie who was walking towards us from the kitchen. She lowered her voice with each word.“Do you think you might be pregnant?”

Oh my God” I gasped and covered my mouth.

What?” Kadie looked up from her phone.

Sarah leaned in, “It could very well be a possibility”

I shook my head in denial, “Nooo” my voice drowned out as I thought about it.

What could be a possibility? What's going on?” Kadie sat down eager to get answers.

Sarah ignored her and kept asking me questions.

Kadie finally picked up “You're pregnant!!” she belted.

No!” I quickly responded. “I'm not! I can't be. I mean, I don't think I am.”

There's only one way to rule it out.” Sarah looked at me hopefully.

I covered my face with my hands and felt a single tear roll down my cheek. I felt scared and disappointed in myself. I didn't realize that I'd forgotten my birth control pills until after we arrived in Mexico. We were only there for a couple of days and the ignorant teen voice inside my head convinced me nothing would happen.

Lynn don't cry!” Sarah tried to comfort me as Kadie wrapped her arms around my shoulders. “We're not even sure yet if it's true.”

I'm just..” I tried to talk without sobbing. “I can't be pregnant, I'm too young and I still have to finish school and Jonah just started his career...and..”

Shh” Kadie cut me off. “It's okay, your life isn't over.”

That's right” Sarah agreed. “Besides, if you are pregnant, wouldn't you rather it be with Jonah than some dead beat? At least you know he'll take care of you. I'd be surprised if he wouldn't be ecstatic by the news!” Even though Sarah was just saying things to make me feel better, I knew she was right. “But, Lynn, you don't know for sure yet. Let's not jump to conclusions.”

My phone vibrated next to me. I picked it up to see a text from Jaime. He was wondering if I was feeling any better.

No, I'm fucking pregnant!!!! I texted him back.

Within seconds he gave me a call. His voice boomed through the phone eager to get answers. Sarah rolled her eyes and shook her head. I explained to him what happened and he, like Sarah, thought I should take a pregnancy test. So, without hesitation, he told me he'd grab a test kit and meet me at my place.

Jonah's gonna be home soon” I panicked. “What am I suppose to tell him?”

The truth” Sarah said the same time Kadie said “Don't say anything”

I waited impatiently as Kadie and Sarah both tried to calm me down. I thought that if something like this was true, I'd know it. But, I didn't. I couldn't feel anything but anxiety. I kept thinking about how, within an hours time, my life could be turned completely around. I wasn't ready for this.

Twenty seven minutes later Jaime arrived at my apartment. I knew because I'd counted every minute. He barged in and tossed a couple of test kits onto the table and handed me one. “They all look weird, I didn't know which one you'd prefer.”

I was already halfway into my room by the time Jaime was done talking. I quickly ripped the box open and skimmed through the directions. After I was done, I left the stick on the bathroom counter and walked back out into the living room. “Two minutes” I breathed heavily. “Keep me busy for two minutes.”

Our heads turned to the front door. The sound of rustling keys and the door opening caught our attention. Jonah walked in, but stopped.

Hey guys” He looked confused. He quietly pulled his keys out as he made eye contact with me. “What's going on.” I didn't say anything. Neither did anyone else. “Are you feeling better?”

No” I bursted. “I'm not fucking feeling better! Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

Everyone's eyes stared at me in shock. “Lynn is just...” Sarah tried to explain my behavior when Jonah cut her off.

What is this?” He asked as he saw the boxes of pregnancy tests. “Lynn” he said the same way Ricky questioningly called on Lucy. He took a minute to piece the puzzle together. The same way I imagined I looked when Sarah asked me if I thought I was pregnant. Blank at first and then a sudden burst of shock.

“No, you can't be pregnant!” Jonah nervously pulled his fingers through his hair.

“What do you mean I can't be pregnant?” I asked. I was more surprised than irritated. This wasn't the reaction I was expecting from him. Than again, I wasn't expecting any of this.

Sarah knew what I was thinking, after all she's the one who convinced me Jonah would take the news more gently.

“I meant, that's great if you are, but..” He stumbled over his words.

“Okay” Kadie's voice rang through the apartment. “Let's just stop you right there buddy.” She held onto Jonah's shoulder and walked him onto the opposite side of the living room. “She's crazy enough as it is.” I heard her whisper.

“I'm not crazy!” I objected. Suddenly my speech slowed down and I was unable to make out my words. I felt my lips trembling again. “I'm...I'm just scared.”

Jonah pushed Kadie aside and made his way back to me. His arms wrapped around me embracing me so tight that it felt like we were the only two people in the room. I felt a bit relieved. He didn't have to say anything for me to know how he felt. I just knew by the way we stood there together.

“Congratulations Jonah on distracting Lynn. Something I'm sure only you were capable of doing.” Jaime pulled at my arm. “It's been too minutes!”

“Oh my God” I covered my mouth. “I can't. I can't do it.” I squatted down onto the floor.

“Do you want me to bring it here.” Kadie asked. I nodded my head.

Kadie walked back with the test. I'd stuck it back into a container hoping not to see it until I pulled it out. Jonah, Kadie, Jaime, and Sarah sat across from me on the couch. I felt my hands trembling as I began pulling the stick out. I looked up again. Jaime was nervously shaking his leg, Jonah was completely leaned forward covering his mouth with his hands, and Sarah and Kadie with eager eyes.

I never thought in a million years I'd be standing in front of my boyfriend and three of my closest friends staring down at a stick I peed on.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Million Dollar View

Despite the fact that Jonah had rented us a private beach front villa, it had been almost three hours since we'd arrived to Mexico and I still hadn't seen the ocean.

Instead I had, in my opinion, an arguably better view of Jonah's face against mine. Maybe it was the sultry Spanish air, but something had gotten into him. Not that I'm complaining!

I giggled as his scruffy facial hair prickled against my neck. Jonah nibbled on my ear and reciprocated my joy. “Oh yeah? You like that?” he whispered confidently.

I held his face between my hands. They seemed so small and dainty compared to his manly features. He turned his head slightly to the side so my thumb laid just over his lips and he kissed it. His hands crept up and suddenly my hands vanished under his.

“I can't remember the last time I've seen you this happy...this carefree.” I examined Jonah's face. I could only see half of it. The other half was obstructed by the down pillow my head had sunken into. He pulled my hands from his face and held onto them. I leaned forward to kiss him again. I couldn't help but notice how worn out he was. The high stress and consistent deadlines of his work life were taking a toll.

“You know what?” He leaned his arm over the pillow and propped his head up. “I don't think I've had an actual vacation since before I left New York.”

“Well what are we doing in bed?” My smile grew as I threw the bed sheets off of our bodies. “There's margaritas out there that need to be consumed!” I pointed at the wall of french doors that led out to the beach.

“Oh, no, no, no” Jonah grabbed my hand as I was walking away. He yanked me back into bed and leaned over my body, “I came here” He kissed my neck. “To show you” His lips gently glided down..”Just how much I appreciate you”

It was like we were meeting each other all over again. The electricity I felt when he touched my body. Desperately wanting his approval. Never wanting to let go.

We were in our own world. Hours felt like minutes.“What time is it?” I reached for my phone on the bedside table. We'd been so consumed with each other neither one of us was aware of the sun that had fallen, casting a purple-orange shade throughout the sky.

Jonah rolled onto his back and tucked his hands behind his head. “Is there somewhere you need to be?”

“I'm exactly were I need to be” I mockingly teased.

“Aww” Jonah cooed in a girly voice. I smiled and laid my head on his bare chest.

“I love you, did you know that?” I knew what Jonah's response was going to be. It was always the same, but something about it made me smile every time. Maybe that was what was so comforting about it. No matter how serious or relaxed of a situation we were in, his response was always the same sarcastic response.

“No, I didn't” His hand gently brushed the hair away from my face. “Tell me again”

“I love you” I turned my head around to face him. “I've never felt this way about any one else.”

“Is that so?” Jonah smiled. “What about that guy from Texas?” Jonah knew his name, but refused to admit that he did.

“Joshua? I think we were too young to know what love was. And by the time we were old enough I'd already started resenting him.” I turned back around to face the french doors that displayed the Mexican sunset. “What about Whitney?” I asked.

“I can't say I didn't like her, because I mean, we dated for a year.” Jonah moved his hand back behind his head. “We said we loved each other, but we both knew it was just empty words.” I felt his chest rise and fall as he laughed. “It's kind of sad now that I think about it. A lot changed between the time that I broke up with Whit and met you.”

“How so?” Even though I'd known Jonah had been with other women before me I still felt a tiny slither of jealousy, but at the same time I was curious to know about them.

Jonah sighed as he thought about it. “I hate to admit it, but I was only with Whit for the...physical...part of the relationship. That's pretty much the story with most of my relationships. I was young and naive and I attracted all the crazy girls that were desperate for companionship.”

“What changed?”

“You” I turned back towards Jonah to roll my eyes. “I'm serious! When I saw you I knew you weren't just someone I could have a fling with or a meaningless relationship. I knew there was something deeper that was pulling me towards you.” Jonah thought quietly to himself. “The moment I fell in love with you is when you stood in the middle of the street covered in coffee.” he laughed at the memory “Do you remember that?”

“Oh god” I covered my blushing face with my hands. “I don't think you'll ever let me forget?”

“I remember thinking that was it. I had to have you no matter what. Even if it meant taking things slow physically, or giving you your space, or watching you date some meat head from Boston.”

I giggled at Jonah's description of Connor.

“You're not just a thing, Lynn Lee, you're the real deal.” Jonah leaned down and kissed my forehead.

“I kinda always knew that”

Jonah looked surprised, “you did?”

“I did” I nodded “Your mom and sisters gave it away when they told me you never bring any girls home.”

Jonah's cheeks flushed pink. “In my defense I was just eager for you to meet your family.”

I couldn't smile any bigger than I already was. I tried to hide it, but it was impossible. We hadn't talked much about our future, except for the incident at Kadie's wedding. It was the first time we were on the same page. Hearing him refer to his family as mine made me feel giddy from the inside.

I rolled over onto my elbows and looked Jonah in the eyes.“Oh, are they my family? Because I wasn't aware of that.”

He smirked. “Well, I'm telling you now...they're your family.”

I gave Jonah a kiss on the cheek before I slipped out of bed. His eyes watched as I covered my naked body with a towel. “Where are you going?” he quietly mumbled.

“I'm going to the beach with my boyfriend. We may do some stuff... you wanna join us?” I held out my hand gesturing for him to get up.

He laughed and held on.”You don't think he'll mind do you?” His hands wrapped around my waist as we walked out onto the white sandy beach.