Thursday, April 30, 2015

Just Want You To Know

Hey stranger, am I ever going to see you again?

I stared at my phone hopelessly as I waited for Jonah's response. It was almost an hour since I sent it and I still hadn't heard anything. The last time I saw Jonah was when I stopped by his office earlier this week. With everything that was going on, from my hidden pregnancy to Rebecca's long stay, Jonah's hosting gig couldn't have come at a worse time.

It had been almost four days of us continuously missing each other. Jonah was practically working two full time jobs. After filming, he and his writers would start working on their material for the award show. That left us with a tiny slither of time between the two, but that was around the time Sarah, Henry, and I squeezed in some extra studying for our finals.

“Put your phone away” Sarah whispered. “You're stressing yourself out for no reason.”

I inhaled a long, deep, breath and exhaled slowly.

“I don't get it” Henry turned away from his text book and leaned in towards us. We had to be quieter than usual since our private study room was taken, forcing us to sit out in the open area of the library. “If the bitch is stressing you out why is she still staying with you?”

“Harry!” Sarah slapped his arm, “don't call her that!” he pulled his arm away and furrowed his brow.

“Because” I paused hoping Henry would do his usual eye roll and go back to studying. Instead he widened his eyes and brought his face slightly closer as he waited for my response. “I don't know!” I finally confessed. “Yeah, it's inconvenient, but it's not worth throwing away a ten year friendship. Besides, I'm helping her find a place. The sooner we find one the sooner things will go back to normal.”

“That's not going to change the fact that she's crushing on your soon to be husband.” Henry said matter-of-factly.

I crossed my arms over the table, “As long as she's doing it from a distance.”

Henry hesitated to speak, which was a first. “...Right” He glanced over at Sarah who was subtly shaking her head. She thought I couldn't see it, but I knew she was stopping him from making me feel worse than I already did. “Well, good luck with that then.” he sighed and went back to reading.

I griped as I picked up my pen and went back to taking notes.

My phone vibrated so loud everyone in our area looked up irritated that they had been disturbed. It was wedged between the table and under my book causing it to rumble much louder than usual. I scrambled to push things aside and checked my phone to find a response from Jonah.

I'm sorry my love! I can't seem to find a minute even for myself. No promises, but I can try to push some things around for dinner?

I smiled as I read his message. Not because he'd said anything special, but because he'd actually replied.

“You know what” Sarah reached over and grabbed my arm. “I just remembered, Jebrone knows a realtor who has some fabulous apartments in Brooklyn! He sublets them, so they're decently priced. I'm sure Rebecca wouldn't be able to turn them down if she saw them.”

“Leave Jebrone out of this” Henry whimpered. They were on another one of their many infamous “breaks”.

Sarah agreed to take Rebecca out to see the apartments so Jonah and I could have some alone time during dinner. I figured he was probably tired of eating take out at his office the last couple of days and decided to make him something myself.

“Are you sure you don't mind?” I whispered as I packed my book bag.

“Honestly, I don't! Besides Rebecca and I have been meaning to catch up since the last time we went out.” Sarah reassured me.

“Perfect!” I smiled. I stood up and felt a strain in my back. I grimaced as I silently wallowed over in pain.

Sarah jumped to her feet and held onto my back. “Are you okay?” I nodded my head and she turned away from Henry, who still hadn't known about the pregnancy, and whispered, “Isn't it a little too early to have back pain? You don't even have a stomach!”

“It's fine” I straightened myself back up “I must have just slept wrong or something.”

I left the library a little early to stop by the deli and grocery store. Since no one, besides Rebecca, was ever home the contents of our fridge were pretty pathetic.

I was just about to hop into a cab when a dress in a store window caught my eye. It was a deep blue with a sweetheart neckline and cut just above the knee. It was simple and sexy yet sophisticated.

It was so beautiful I couldn't stop staring at it. All I wanted was to own this dress. I took a step back when I realized it was a high end retailer who's window I was drooling in front of. I shook my head knowing the price would probably be something outrageous.

I turned around towards the street to hail a cab. As I stood there waving my hand I convinced myself I deserved the dress. School and Rebecca were equally stressing me out, I hadn't seen my man in days, things had been rocky between us the last few weeks, we were finally going to get some time alone, and who knew how long it would take me to get back to my figure after having the baby. If I was going to wear this dress, it had to be now!

I marched inside, asked the sales associate to pull my size and blindly handed over my credit card. That was the one part I wasn't brave enough for.

“Ooh” Rebecca sang as I walked into the apartment. “What's in the bag?”

“Nothing” I faked a smile and began putting away the groceries. “Just some things for dinner.”

“What are we having?” She walked over to snoop in the bags. “Va va voom!” She pulled my dress out before I could stop her. “What is this sexy little number for?” her eyes widened when she saw the price tag. “What ever it is, I hope it's worth it.”

“Stop” I rolled my eyes and snatched it from her hands. “It's for dinner. Jonah and I are finally...” my eyes looked up at her sharply as I slowly said the word “...getting some time together.”

She didn't get the hint. She walked over to the fruit basket, picked up a clementine orange, and peeled it. “Why hasn't he been here lately? Are things okay with you two?”

My back was turned to her as I was putting things in the fridge. I rolled my eyes so hard that I was worried they wouldn't go back to normal. “He has that big award show coming up, remember? THE award show for television?” I finally looked towards her and squinted my eyes hoping she'd realize I was mocking her exaggerated response to when Jonah told us his news. “And, FYI, things between us couldn't be better so...”

“Hmm” Rebecca shrugged her shoulders and walked away.

“What is that suppose to mean?”

“Oh nothing” She sat in the living room with her legs crossed and a magazine in her lap as she continued to eat her clementine. “It's just, the last time he was here you two were fighting.”

“What?” I tossed the reusable bags in my hand onto the counter and walked over to stand in front of Rebecca. “First of all, we may have misunderstandings, but we don't fight. And second, why the hell were you eaves dropping on a conversation we were having in the privacy of our bedroom?”

“Sorry!” Rebecca said sarcastically as she held up her hands. “I wasn't eaves dropping. I forgot my phone on the coffee table so I came over to get it and that's when I heard Jonah.”

We stared at each other for a good five seconds before I grunted and walked away. There was so much I wanted to say to her, but I had to stop myself. I knew that if I did it would end our friendship in the worse way without room to salvage it.. If there was any part of me that had changed since moving to the city, it was learning to be the better person.

I went back to the kitchen to get dinner ready. There was an awkward silence before I took a deep breath to calm myself. “Sarah should be calling you soon. She said she knows someone who has some apartments in Brooklyn that you'd like, so she wanted to take you later to go see them.”

Rebecca furrowed her brows as she flipped through her magazine. “Brooklyn? As in over the bridge away from the city, Brooklyn? No way, I'll pass.”

“You can't afford to 'pass' Rebecca.” My voice grew loud with each word. “You told me the last few places we saw in the city were out of your price range. This is the next best option.”

“Why do you want me gone so badly?” She tossed the magazine back onto the coffee table and crossed her arms.

“I'm just trying to help you, Bec. You're the one that wanted to move to the city. You can't just intrude on a couple and expect it to be okay.”

“Is that what you think I'm doing?” She stood up and walked towards me. “Is that why you two were fighting? Because I'm 'intruding'?” I blinked my eyes slowly so she'd come to the conclusion herself. “Why would you have a guest bedroom if you don't want anyone to stay in it?”

“Wow” I dropped the bundle of asparagus from my hands into the sink. “You can't be that naïve, can you?” I could have sworn I saw a smirk on her face, but maybe I was just seeing things in the heat of the moment. “I know you Rebecca, I know how easily you can manipulate people.” It was true. She may have been the Switzerland of our group, but I always had a feeling she had a hidden agenda, whispering in everyone's ears, and that's why she was so easily able to back out of situations. I was starting to think my theory wasn't too far off. “A guest is someone who drops by. You've been here for three weeks Rebecca!You know damn well you've overstayed your welcome. And you're not even making an effort to get the hell out!”

She was standing with her arms crossed and her cheeks sucked in. Her eyes narrowed in on me before she flipped her hair and walked towards her room. “Fine! If that's how you feel I'll just get that shitty ass apartment in Brooklyn!”

It took every bit of me not to pick up the knife that was next to me and throw it at Rebecca's door. The nerve she had to yell at me in my own apartment when I've done nothing but welcome her.

I felt a pinching nerve in my back again. 

I marinated the steaks and set them aside before I took a warm bath to relax. I sat in the tub replaying our conversation over and over. I found myself grimacing as I imagined what I really wanted to say to her. At the same time I felt weird. I never fought with Rebecca before. Sure, she irritated me from time to time, but it was nothing like this. Even though I had a bad feeling about her stay this turn of events still felt wrong

After I left my aggressions aside, I dried off and started getting ready for dinner. I slipped into my new dress and curled my hair into waves just how Jonah likes it.

When I came out of my room I noticed that Rebecca had already left.

I threw on an apron and started making dinner. It took me a while, but I was done with enough time to spare. I knew Jonah was only stopping by to eat before he'd have to leave again, so I plated the food ready for him to eat.

It'd been half an hour since the time Jonah said he would be home. I texted him, but didn't get a response. I rolled my eyes at my failed attempt. I knew something must have came up and he would be home sooner or later.

I was starving, so I took the bowl of extra mashed potatoes and sat in the living room. I flipped on the TV hoping to find some half hour prime time comedy that could take my mind off of the day I'd been having.

Two and a half episodes later and my phone finally vibrated with a text from Jonah. He said he wasn't able to push back his work and that he'd be coming home late. That he was sorry he stood me up.

I went into the kitchen and pulled out some Tupperware to pack away the uneaten food. A single tear rolled down my cheek as I forked over the asparagus. I felt like such an idiot. I'd set myself up. I was so desperate for Jonah's attention when I knew he wasn't able to give it to me.

With all my built up emotions I just had to give him a piece of my mind. I sat on the bar stools waiting for Jonah to come home. I waited and waited until eventually I felt myself fall asleep.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Ulterior Motive

“You're kidding, right?!”

Kadie was in hysterics after I told her about Rebecca walking in on Jonah and I. She was doing one of those, “deep inhales and slapping the table,” numbers. The men and women in business attire around us began to peer over. I nervously laughed pretending like I was one of them wondering why Kadie was acting so deranged.

“Knock it off!” I whispered aggressively while still managing to smile. “People are staring at us!”

Kadie cooed as she tried to catch her breath and began wiping the corner of her eyes with a napkin. “So, what happened? Did she run out when she saw you two?”

I rolled my eyes and stabbed at the drenched lettuce remains at the bottom of my salad bowl. It was Monday afternoon and Kadie and I met for a quick lunch to catch up.

“She only saw my face, thank God, because I was completely naked.” Kadie giggled again. “Jonah laid in front of me so she couldn't see, but it doesn't matter cause her eyes were glued to him for a few seconds longer than they should have been.” I shook my head. “I don't know, something about her seeing my boyfriend's naked chest just irks me.”

“Oh, come on” Kadie began picking at her bread stick “I've seen Jonah shirtless before and you've seen Adam shirtless too. It's no big deal.”

“Yeah, but that's at the pool or during a friendly game of sports, not pre-sex shirtless.”

Kadie scrunched her mouth as she thought about it and then nodded in agreement. “True. I don't think I'd like it if you saw Adam like that and you were single.”

“Exactly!” I dropped my shoulders in relief when Kadie finally saw my point. “The weirdest part is that she's acting like it never happened. I mean, it's only been a day, but still.” I sighed “I don't know why, but with every passing day I keep getting irritated with everything she says and does. She's probably just trying to be nice and I keep taking it out on her.”

“I don't know, Lynn...” Kadie took one last big bite of her salad and held her hand over her mouth as she spoke. “That's something I would apologize for profusely...being in a couple's personal space. Good friend or not, I think you have a right to be defensive.”

I went back to school after Kadie and I finished up our lunch. Sarah, Henry, and I spent the rest of the night at the library studying. We'd been putting in more hours than usual since finals were quickly approaching. It was becoming a habit to stay even when we studied all that our little brains could handle. Every semester would come and go, and yet it would shock us that we had to pass our exams to move onwards. The sad and pathetic story of our life.

I came home close to midnight that night to find Jonah and Rebecca sitting at the kitchen counter. I wasn't thrilled, especially after the talk I had with Kadie, but at least Jonah was decent enough to leave an empty bar stool between them.

“Hey, you two” I greeted them as I walked into the apartment. They were looking at something on Jonah's iPad when their eyes glanced up at me. That's when I noticed a bottle that looked like champagne and glasses on the kitchen counter. I pointed to it, “what's going on?”

Jonah, who looked exhausted from a long day, lit up as he remembered. He jumped off his stool and walked over to give me a kiss.

“Ugh” Rebecca groaned, “he's been refusing to tell me until you got home.”

I furrowed my brows. “I would hope he'd wait until his fiance got home to share champagne worthy news.” I inhaled a deep breath and reminded myself not to take everything so personally.

“It's actually sparkling cider.” She laughed, blowing off my comment. “Why'd you get cider, Jonah?”

“I...” Jonah hesitated as he lied. “I just grabbed whatever was in the break room fridge.” His hands rested on my shoulders as he slightly shook me in excitement. “Remember how my agent said he wanted to get me more exposure?”

I nervously smiled. “I remember...”

“Well...” He added a pause for dramatic effect. “They want me to host the Emmys!”

“What!” Rebecca and I both shouted. For a split second I forgot she was there. I dropped my bags and covered my gaping mouth. I was so proud of Jonah.

“How?..What?...Oh my God!” I was at a loss for words so I wrapped my hands around him into a tight hug instead. “Congratulations my love!”

Jonah laughed as he tried to explain the whole situation. “Apparently, my name got thrown into the list of potential hosts now that I have my own show. My agent said he wished it was his doing, but they picked me cause they've been watching the show and thought I was up for the challenge.” He shrugged his shoulders as he blushed, “I mean it's just the Emmys...nothing major...”

Before I could say anything Rebecca cut in, “Don't down play it Jonah! The Emmys are THE award show for television!”

“Yeah” I furrowed my brows and shook my head as I annoyingly agreed. Jonah laughed at my expression, but stepped out of our hug to face Rebecca.

“Congratulations!” She said as she held out her arms for a hug.

“Oh..” I whispered to myself. “Okay” If it were any other girl sharing the exciting news I wouldn't have thought twice about her giving Jonah a congratulatory hug. But, this one just made me feel some type of way.

Jonah could sense my uncomfortableness and opted to give Rebecca an awkward side hug instead.

“Thanks Rebecca” He smiled “That means a lot” He walked to the other side of the counter and poured out the sparkling cider for the three of us. “It's just crazy that some of the best personalities have been in the same position.” He dazed off as he started naming a few “Carson... Fallon... Sullivan... O'Brien... Letterman...”

I raised my glass “May you be the best host to grace the stage!” I knew Rebecca was looking so I wrapped my hand around the back of Jonah's neck and gave him another kiss before we drank. Even though it was childish I couldn't stop myself from doing it. Like, I had a point to make or something.

It was getting late, so Jonah and I went to our room to get ready for bed. 

"Someone has a fan" I said under my breath as I shut our bedroom door behind us. Jonah stared at me for a brief second before he shook his head and laughed.

“What?” I groaned as I started changing into my pj's.

Jonah had gone into the bathroom to floss his teeth. The door was still open so I could hear him talking, “Call me naïve but I don't think anything's going on.”

I rolled my eyes, dramatically, since Jonah couldn't see. “Okay, naïve, she's obviously into you. Did you not see how she's acting?”

Jonah leaned against the door frame as he started to brush his teeth and watched me make a fool of myself.

I began talking in a high pitch voice that was nothing close to Rebecca's,”the Emmys are THE award show for television!”

Jonah smiled and shook his head again before he went back to the sink to rinse his mouth. He walked out and stripped down to his boxers before he slide into bed. It was my turn to go to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I kept talking the entire time, telling Jonah about my lunch with Kadie, but only heard an occasional “hm” and “uh” from Jonah's end.

I shut the bathroom lights as I walked out to find him reading on his Kindle. He wasn't really paying attention to what I was saying. “Jonah, are you serious?”

“What?” He finally looked up.

“Have you not been listening to what I was saying?” I walked over to my side of the bed.

Jonah went back to reading as he spoke. “I think you're just paranoid. It doesn't help that you have Kadie whispering in your ear.”

I folded my arms. “Actually, Kadie wasn't the one to come to the conclusion, I was. She just agreed.” Jonah didn't respond, instead he swiped his finger on the screen to turn to the next page. I pulled back the bedsheets and laid down. “How can you not come to the conclusion from the way she looks at you?”

Jonah sighed and rocked back his head. "Lynn, I'm in an unfortunate position where people give me strange looks all the time. I can't waste my time by trying to determine if it's lust, or hatred, or jealousy, or whatever. It comes with the territory of being in the spotlight. And as my partner you should accept it and not question it either. It's not healthy.”

“So, you agree?” I muttered. “She looks at you in a lustful way?” Jonah sighed as he held the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “There's a difference when you know and you don't do anything to stop things from going further.”

Jonah turned onto his elbow to face me. “No, I don't think she looks at me that way.” He rolled back over and put his Kindle away on the night table. “I think things got weird the other day and she's just trying her best to avoid the awkward situation.”

I laughed sarcastically.

“What's going on?” Jonah turned towards me again. “What's with the sudden change of attitude?”

I didn't answer Jonah. I furrowed my brows and pouted my lips instead.

“Say what you want about her, but at least she was way more excited by the news than you were.”

“Great, so you like her now too...or are you not going to acknowledge that either?” I rebuttal but Jonah wasn't having it.

“Lynn, seriously...” His voice was stern.”Just stop.” He shut his table lamp off. For as long as I knew Jonah, he never raised his voice to me. I was so taken back I didn't know what to say.

I tossed and turned and regretted every word I said that night. I couldn't control myself. I was feeling extra hormonal and protective of what was mine.

I woke up the next morning ready to apologize for my nagging behavior, but to my surprise the bed was empty. Usually Jonah and I stumbled around each other between the closet and the bathroom trying to get ready, but not today. He must have gone to work early.

I took a quick shower and began getting ready for the day. I was caught off guard when I walked out of my room and saw that Rebecca was awake. It looked like she had just finished eating breakfast and was washing her dishes.

“Good morning” She smiled as she turned off the faucet and dried her hands. “Bagel before class?” She offered a plate full of bagels that already had cream cheese, tomato slices, and basil on them.

“You're up early” I took a bagel from the plate and sat on the kitchen bar stool.

“Yeah” She set the plate down and began doing other things as she casually continued. “I heard Jonah awake earlier than usual today, so I thought I'd make him something to grab and go.”

I began coughing as I choked on my bite. What did this bitch just say?

“Are you okay?” Rebecca asked as she walked around the counter.

I held up my hand to stop her from coming any closer. “I'm fine. Just a big bite.” I cleared my throat and took a drink of the orange juice she poured out for me. “You know you really don't have to do that for Jonah.” I was hoping she would catch my drift.

“I know” She sighed as sat down next to me. “It's just so nice what y'all are doing for me, you know? I feel like I owe you guys. I came here with no direction and now I feel like I'm home.”

I actually started to feel bad. Maybe Jonah was right. Maybe Rebecca was over compensating and here I was accusing her of having an ulterior motive.

“Aren't you going to be late to class?” She asked when she noticed that I wasn't in a hurry to leave.

“Actually” I looked down at my phone. “I'm going late today. My realtor just texted me and said she has an opening in her schedule this morning.”

“Are you guys looking to move again?” Rebecca sounded confused

I laughed. “No, for you, silly. She said she has a few apartment listings in your price range she'd like to show you.”

“Oh” She exhaled a heavy breath.

“Did you change your mind about moving here?” Please say yes! Please say yes! Please say yes!

“No, it's not that...” She shrugged her shoulders,“I...kinda like it here...for now I mean...if it's okay with you and Jonah.”

“Oh” I nodded my head “It's just,we feel bad, you know?” Rebecca stayed absolutely still as I spoke. “We're always gone here or there...” I spoke through the corner of my mouth as I pointed over my shoulder with my thumb, “...or on the couch.”

“Right” Rebecca flinched and shook her head. “I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to walk in on you two.”

“It's okay” I smiled as she finally saw my point.

“I should at least look at some places right?” Rebecca stood up from her seat and began walking to her room to get ready.

“Right” I smiled mischievously.

That morning we spent over an hour looking at apartments in the city. Kadie joined us mid-way through the process. I was hoping she could try to convince Rebecca that she was getting a great deal on the places we'd seen, but she was refusing to listen to either of us. She had high standards and a low price range. “Rebecca, this isn't Texas, you can't get a lot of bang for your buck here.” Kadie tried explaining. Jessica, my realtor, was becoming frustrated with her picky demands and cut the hunt short.

After we were done looking at places Rebecca ended up going to Kadie's office with her. I was on my way to class when I passed by Jonah's office. I decided to stop by to talk about last night since I hadn't gotten a chance to see him in the morning.

The elevator doors opened to Jonah's floor and there was a crowd of tourists admiring the halls as a page explained it's history. A new group came by every hour and I always tried to avoid the awkward eye contact and smiling as I slipped down the hall.

When I walked into Jonah's office there were already a few other people in the room. I knew afternoons before filming were always the busiest part of the day, but I had to see Jonah to make things better.

His producer, Mike, and another writer were going over some papers as a woman measured Jonah's neck. Another woman was holding up ties and asking which one he preferred to wear during the show. I knocked on the door frame to get his attention. Everyone turned to look at me. Jonah held up a finger gesturing for me to wait as he continued talking to his writer. Mike came over to greet me and give me a hug. We started to catch up. His daughters were in high school and college so he always liked to brag about what they were up to.

Slowly, one by one, everyone left the room until it was just the two of us. “You didn't go to class today?” Jonah asked as he walked around his desk, still looking at the papers in his hand.

I nervously tapped my fingers against each other. “No, Jessica had a cancellation in her schedule so we went to look at apartments for Rebecca...” Jonah was still avoiding eye contact as he nodded his head. “I was actually on my way right now, but I had to come by to see you. You left kind of early this morning...”

Jonah finally looked up as he exhaled, “I had to come early to prepare a statement for the media. They're publicly announcing the host this week. Things are gonna start getting busier around here.” Jonah kept talking as he shuffled through papers on his desk. “We have to start preparing for the awards and still film a live show everyday. It's gonna be hectic.”

A couple of guys walked into Jonah's office and started talking to him. They were going over something that sounded important, so I gestured to him that I was leaving.

Once I got to the elevator doors, and they opened, a hand reached over my shoulder to hold it open. I turned around to find Jonah standing there. “I'm sorry.” He spoke quietly. “I didn't mean to get angry like that. I feel horrible.”

“No” I shook my head. “I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me last night. I wasn't acting like myself.”

He held my shoulders as he kissed my forehead, “The jealousy thing is only cute to an extent...Just please promise me you won't get crazy over this, Lynn.”

Friday, April 17, 2015

Father Of The Bride (Jonah's Story)

Hello Love,

Today's bonus post will be in Jonah's perspective. It's strictly involving his thoughts and emotions leading up to his conversation with David, Lynn's father, as he asks for his blessing. I decided to choose just this part of the proposal to share from Jonah's view since involving what we've already seen through Lynn's perspective may be a little too repetitive. You guys are amazing, I love you, and thank you for being so supportive.


There's a picture of Lynn that I keep at my desk at work. It isn't a typical posing picture like most people around the office have of their significant others. Lynn didn't even know that I'd taken it, but every time I saw it, I was reminded of the girl I'd fallen in love with.

I smiled as I remembered the day. It was a chilly afternoon and all Lynn wanted was an ice cream cone. I told her she was just trying to get my attention, but she argued that she wanted me to experience the sheer sensation of eating ice cream in the cool weather. Something about it tasting better. We hadn't started dating yet, so of course I hung on every word she said and decided to give it a try. I hate to admit it, but she was right.

Just looking at the picture reminded me of how cold it was that day. We were sitting outside the ice cream parlor at an old, ratty, coral colored iron table. Her softly curled hair was gently blowing in the wind as her shoulders caved in. Lynn, like most days, was wearing a cute little dress with a cardigan. One hand clutched around her body, pulling her cardigan closed, while the other held her ice cream cone. She wanted the cone with the sprinkles already on it because she said it looked cute. So cute that she didn't even end up eating it.

I'd said something that made her laugh and, for the life of me, I couldn't remember what it was.. She thought I was checking my phone and without her knowing I managed to capture her beautiful soul. Her chin was slightly tilted upwards and her smile was so big it bared her teeth and slightly hide her eyes. It was a sweet, melodic, laugh. I could make myself a fool a million times just to hear the sound. It was my favorite thing about her.

“Cohen! You staying late tonight?” Mike slammed his hand against the door frame of my office to get my attention.

“, I'm about to leave.” I lifted my legs off my desk and sat upright in my chair.

“Good! Don't work too hard we need you to look pretty for tomorrow.” Mike was already half way down the hall as he spoke.

I shouted back hoping he'd hear me, “Come on, Mike, you're saying it like I don't always deliver!”

A second later I heard him laugh, “Good night, Cohen!” his voice disappeared behind the elevator doors.

I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't realize the time passing. I grabbed my things and headed home.

That weekend was Adam and Kadie's wedding. I'd been a nervous wreck all week anticipating Lynn's parents arrival. We only met a few times before, all of which were great, I just didn't know if we'd built up enough of a relationship for me to ask David for his daughter's hand in marriage. I worked in show business for almost a decade and nothing scared me more than being so vulnerable with the father of the woman I loved.

It was a now or never type of moment. There were too many perfect opportunities that I let pass because I just couldn't muster up the courage.

The night of the wedding Lynn asked me to dance when “Thinking Out Loud” started playing.

“Let's do the dance from Ed Sheeran's video” Lynn joked.

I gladly took her hand and walked onto the dance floor. I can't say I'm much of a dancer, but I spun Lynn around a few times just to make her happy. The way her face lit up with joy from something so simple was what finally gave me the strength to approach her father.

I waited until she was distracted before I spotted David across the room. He was by the bar conversing with a few of his friends. I walked over and he introduced me to them. A couple of them had already recognized me from the show. I politely asked to excuse David and the two of us sat at the bar.

“What's going on, boy?” He asked with his southern drawl.

“Well, David...” My hands anxiously tapped the bar table. “...I wanted to ask you...” I heard my voice tremble.

There was a smirk on his face when he lifted his hand to stop me. He turned to the bartender and ordered a couple of drinks. “Whiskey is the drink of confident Southern men. I want you to finish this and tell me, don't ask me, what you want.”

I rubbed my hands on my slacks before I picked up my drink. In a single gulp I finished it without breaking eye contact with David, a right of passage I'm sure. “David, I want to marry your daughter.”

He nodded his head as if he were thinking about something and took a measly little sip of his drink. “Lynn tells me you lost your father when you were younger.” My confidence was beginning to fade when he hadn't immediately responded to my statement.

I sighed, “He was a first responder and died in the line of duty.”

“God bless him” David raised his glass to mine before he took another sip. He set his drink down and leaned his elbow onto the bar. “There is nothing more a father wants for their child than to know that they're going into a good home with great company. Can I trust that?”

I straightened my posture, “Of course, sir. My mom and sisters love Lynn more than they like me.” I laughed, but David was playing hardball.

“You know Jonah, I spent my whole life working my ass off to build a life that I could bring my daughter into. There's been innumerable nights that I've spent making sure she had everything she wanted. What I'm trying to say is, my baby girl means everything to me. If I know she's even an ounce of unhappy, I'm gonna be unhappy. And I promise you boy you don't want to see a Texas man unhappy.”

I stared at him blankly. I knew he was just using a scare tactic, but I had to admit he actually frightened me a bit. I took a deep breath and tried to reassure him. “Well, we both have that in common. Lynn means the world to me and I'd do anything to keep her happy.”

“I don't know...” He stared at me as he took another sip. “I don't know how I feel about my daughter marrying a Giants fan.” It took a few seconds before his emotionless face finally grinned and pointed his finger at me. “The shot of whiskey actually worked, huh?”

“Oh God” I wiped my brow. “It was holding strong until you made that Giants comment” We shared a laugh before he signaled for the bartender to pour us some champagne.

“I know you're a good man with a head on his shoulders.” David patted my back so hard my body shook. “I don't think I've had a conversation with Lynn that didn't involve you. I was worried about her when she left Texas to come here, but she seems to be in a better place. We're just lucky to have you. With that being said, you have my blessing, son.”

I felt a wave of relief wash over me and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. Talking to David wasn't something I needed to do, but I knew it was something Lynn would respect. She always acted like she didn't care for old traditions, but I knew she wanted the man she would one day marry to ask her father first. It was even better for me because I felt a kind of confidence that I didn't know I had.

“Have you bought the ring yet?” David asked. We stood up from the bar stools and were walking back to our table.

I nodded my head, “I bought it last summer.” David looked impressed as I pulled the box out of my pocket. We both turned our backs away from the crowded hall for some privacy.

Back in the summer when Lynn would stop by my office for lunch we'd play this game where we'd people-watch the snobby shoppers on fifth avenue and take turns coming up with ridiculous things they were thinking. There was one particular day her eyes lingered a few seconds longer on the window display at Harry Winston. She pretended like she was looking to see if there was anyone inside, but I knew it was the ring that caught her eye. The next day I went back and bought it.

“Ooh wee” David exclaimed when he saw the ring. “Look at that sucker!” He took the box from my hand and examined it. “What ever you do, don't show my wife, I know she's gonna start nagging me if she sees this thing.” David joked.

David handed me the box and I tucked it away before Lynn was able to see it. She grabbed a glass of champagne from a waiter passing by and joined us.

“What are you two talking about?” She asked as she wrapped her hand around my arm,

“I was just letting Jonah know that our Cowboys have one more ring than the Giants.” He winked at me without Lynn noticing.

“Daddy, stop it."

“No, it's okay Lynn.” I smiled “I have a feeling the Giants are gonna get another one for their team.”

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Bitch Don't Kill My Vibe

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”

Jonah cooed as he shut the front door behind Rebecca. She'd been here a week and Jonah and I were just starting to realize how hard it was to hide the beginning stages of a pregnancy from a housemate.

“More of the latter.” I grunted, “If she asks me one more time why I'm not having a drink, I think I'm going to lose it!”

Jonah's eyes widened as he came over and sat me down on the couch. “We can't have that happen now can we?”

Earlier in the week I managed to meet up with Kadie without Rebecca knowing. At that point it'd only been a couple days since she came into town, but with my morning sickness kicking in at it's leisure I was starting to find her stay inconvenient. I knew she was only in town to find an apartment for now, but anything to get her out the door faster was better.

Kadie agreed to convince Rebecca to stay at her place. Our plan failed when Rebecca turned down her offer. She didn't want to impose on Kadie and Adam since they'd just gotten married. There was so much “pushing” I could do before she'd find out I wanted her gone. Knowing Rebecca she'd ask every question in the book to figure out what was going on. So, instead I'd resorted to having her out the apartment as much as possible.

Like, right now. I asked Sarah to take Rebecca out for a while. I'd been stressed from catching up on my studying all week and I just needed a few minutes of sanity with Jonah. Sarah didn't mind at all. She met Rebecca the last few times she came to town and since Kadie's wedding the two had grown close. I guess Rebecca was just happy Woody's attitude had changed since Sarah and him had their not-so-secret affair. Sarah and Woody thought they were being sneaky, but we all knew they were still keeping in touch.

“I'm such a bitch” I sighed. “She's really not as terrible as I'm making her seem.”

“She's really not” Jonah agreed. “But, it's okay, you're just stressed.”

I was snuggled into the corner of the couch and Jonah sat, with one leg tucked in, facing me. His arm hung over the back of the couch as his fingers played with my hair.

“Did I ever tell you how I met Rebecca?” I asked as I folded my arms across my chest.

Jonah shook his head and I continued on.

“I use to idolize Kadie when I was younger.” Jonah laughed. “What! I'm serious. She was like the big sister I never had. Anyway, I was still in elementary school when she'd gone off to middle school. It was the first time the two of us weren't together.”

“What a bummer” Jonah teased. He made a straight face when I looked over at him, but I could tell he was sucking in his cheeks to hide his laughter.

I rolled my eyes and went on, “So, Rebecca was like the popular girl in our class. She's as sweet as honey now, but back then she had a big head.” I smiled as I remembered the way things used to be. “After Kadie left I turned into this shy kid. I mean I had friends, but I wasn't as outward as Rebecca was, she was a little firecracker.”

“I can't imagine that.” Jonah shook his head. “You, shy? Rebecca, a firecracker? You're telling me a real story right?”

“100 percent authentic!” I smiled. “So, of course, being the popular one she was friends with all the mean girls.”

Jonah held my chin and spoke in a baby voice, “Aw, did they tease my little Lynn?”

“Matter of fact, Jonah, they did!” I laughed and pushed his hand away. “It was always over the dumbest things. Like how my mom always made me wear dresses with ribbon in my hair, they'd called me Prissy Missy. They'd make fun of the fact that I read books during recess.”

Jonah looked baffled, “reading during recess? What a nerd!” He teased. “I didn't even do that.”

“You'll love this then, one day I was walking home from school, and I was reading my book...”

“You were just asking for it, Lynn, weren't you?” We both laughed at the thought.

“Since Kadie was in middle school, she'd get out earlier than us and wait for me at the corner where the dirt road led to our neighborhood. As I'm walking Rebecca comes up to me and starts teasing me, 'Prissy missy! Prissy missy!' She took the ribbon out of my hair and snatched my book from my hands. Well, she had no idea Kadie had been watching the whole thing. So here comes Kadie, who's a good foot taller than us, stomping her feet and yelling. Rebecca got so scared she ran home crying and never teased me again.”

“Unbelievable. Who knew she was such a little monster?”

“It wasn't until the next year when we were in middle school that Rebecca and I came across each other again. We were in the same science class and our teacher paired us up for a project. She apologized profusely and I finally accepted it. Once I got to know her I realized she was actually nothing like that girl I knew in elementary school. She was just lashing out because her parents were going through a nasty divorce. Same thing happened with Kadie's parents so they ended up bonding over it.” I shrugged my shoulders. “And eventually we ended up becoming the best of friends.”

“Prissy Missy” Jonah laughed and whispered to himself as he leaned his head against the couch. “That actually makes a lot of sense”

I leaned away from him and gave him a look. “In what way?”

“Huh?” Jonah pretended like he didn't hear me and smiled. The phony look of confusion on his face actually looked quiet adorable.

“In what way?” I pushed his shoulder back and he began laughing. “Four-eyed nerd” I mocked him for wearing his glasses. He usually only wore them when he was working at home, but that didn't mean I couldn't tease him about it.

“Are you sure you weren't the bully?” He asked as I continued to push him away.

“Very funny” I rolled my eyes before Jonah was able to get a good grip around my waist.

“Say sorry.” He playfully demanded. I shook my head and he pulled my body in closer. “Say it!” I curled my lips inwards and refused to give in. He slightly smiled from the corner of his mouth and I knew exactly what he was about to do. “Don't make me do it, Lynn.” I began squirming again when he lowered his face to my neck. I yelped as the scruffiness from his five o'clock shadow tickled my skin.

“Jonah!” I begged for mercy. He pulled away and allowed me one more chance to redeem myself and I finally caved. I held his face between my hands where I could see it. His eyes were looking down at me as I stared at the smile on his face. “You want to know the truth? I think the glasses make you even hotter.”

Jonah shook his head, “That doesn't sound like an apology to me.” he teased.

I tried pulling away again as he slowly lowered his face. “Okay, okay, okay! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!”

We both laughed at my outburst.

“Don't lie” He rubbed his hands against the stumble on his face, “It actually turns you on, doesn't it.”

“Oh my God!” I whispered as I widened my eyes. “So much”

I leaned in and kissed him. Neither one of us could hide our smiles. We'd been waiting for this moment all week. Anything to get more than just a kiss without someone being around to kill the vibe.

My hand caressed his jaw line as I kissed his cheek, and then his ear, and then his neck. His hand grazed the bare skin under my shirt. With every kiss I slowly climbed into Jonah's lap. He pulled my face back towards him and we made out like two lovers who'd been reunited.

“Shit” he whispered between our heavy breaths. I looked at him. “I don't think I'll ever get use to how beautiful you are.”

I rolled my eyes ( but really I was melting on the inside) “You're just trying to get some.”

“It's working isn't it?”He smiled mischievously.
Just as Jonah began unbuckling his belt we heard the rustling of keys against the door. We froze in a panic. “For fuck's sake!” Jonah whimpered in defeat as his body laid over mine.

Make sure you check back in tomorrow for a bonus post! :) 

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Brand New Start in Old New York

“Jesus! I'm coming!”

I yelled as I threw on a robe. It was past one in the morning on Saturday when Jonah and I were woken up by a loud pounding on our door.

Jonah rubbed his eyes and rolled out of bed. “Stay here. I'll get it.” His feet slide across the wood floors as he walked out of the bedroom. I didn't listen to him. Instead I tip toed behind him curious to see who could possibly be outside our door so late at night.

The only light in the apartment was coming through our tall windows from the street lights below. I couldn't see much as I trailed behind, but I knew my apartment well enough to know I wouldn't run into anything. Until I did. I stubbed my toe on the entry table and wailed over in pain. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but once it did I saw Jonah turn around to give me a look. “I told you to stay inside”

“I want to see who it is.” I whispered back just as aggressively.

Jonah shook his head and reached for the door. I peered over his shoulder as he slowly opened it. “Rebecca?” I pushed Jonah out of the way and squinted my eyes to make sure what I was seeing was true. She stood there with a carry on bag in hand and a tired look on her face. I suddenly remembered Kadie telling me that Rebecca was planning on moving to New York, but with the chaotic-ness that had became my life the last few weeks, I'd quickly forgotten.

“Lynn!” Rebecca dropped her bags and threw her arms up. Jonah opened the door wider for her to come in and she engulfed me into a hug. I was so taken back by the surprise I'd forgotten to hug her.

“You're here!” I squealed. What I really wanted to say was, “What the hell are you doing here at 1AM?”

“I'm so sorry if I woke you two up!” She covered her mouth when she saw our pajamas and bed head. “I was going to surprise everyone, but my connecting flight in North Carolina got delayed. I figured I'd come here since I didn't want to disturb the newly weds.”

Jonah and I looked over at each other. I could tell he found this whole thing comical. My old friend showing up at my doorsteps just when I thought life couldn't get crazier.

“Oh, it's no worries!” I gestured for her to come inside.

“I tried calling you.” She walked over to Jonah to give him a hug. His response was more along the lines of a normal person than mine.

I closed my robe as I wrapped my arms across my body. “I know...I'm sorry, things have been crazy lately...I meant to call you back...”

“Oh!” Rebecca paused as she suddenly remembered “Congratulations!” She was awfully energetic for the time of day. “Let me see the ring!” She grabbed for my hand. Jonah stood next to me proudly as Rebecca complimented his taste.

I filled her in on the proposal while Jonah grabbed Rebecca's stuff from the hallway and brought it in.

“Anyway, I was just calling to tell you that I'm planning on moving to the City!”

“Yeah, Kadie told me you'd be here by the end of the month.” I shut the door behind Jonah and the three of us stood by the kitchen island.

“I was planning on coming before Summer, but then I thought, what the hell!” Jonah and I both tilted our heads slightly back as her voice grew. “So, I booked the next flight and I'm here! Well, temporarily, I wanted to find an apartment first.”

“You're more than welcomed to stay with us while you're searching.” Jonah offered even though we all knew by the luggage she brought with her that she'd already been planning to stay here.

Rebecca smiled, “that's so sweet! Thank you!”

Jonah excused himself and went to get the guest bedroom ready. We already had it set up with a bedroom set in case we had guests stay over, but I was currently using it as my study room so there were books and papers sprawled out everywhere.

I grabbed a bottle of water for Rebecca and the two of us sat in the living room as we waited for Jonah. The room was lit, only this time by the light from the kitchen in the distance. I could have easily turned the living room light on, but I was still half asleep and the thought of my eyes being pierced by the light didn't seem appealing.

Rebecca went on to tell me how things had changed since Kadie and I left town. I couldn't blame her. We were the staples of the group. Kadie being the Alpha and me being the Beta. We held everything down making sure our group always stuck together growing up. But, life happened and after high school we all took our separate roads. Adding the distance only increased our admiration for one another. Eventually after college everyone slowly moved back to our hometown and that's when I decided to move to the city and Kadie came shortly after.

I could completely relate to Rebecca. She sounded like me two years ago. I moved away because I was tired of living the same life I was living before growing up and going to college. I always did what I had to and never what I wanted to, so when the opportunity for moving came up I couldn't help but snatch it. I needed a change and that's exactly what she was going through.

For as long as I knew Rebecca she was always a solid friend. We teased her and called her Switzerland. When ever Woody was annoying Kadie or I couldn't stand something Lacey had said, Rebecca was always the only one in the middle never choosing sides because she didn't want any of us to feel like she loved one more than the other. It was annoying at the time, but I'd grown to find that as one of her best qualities.

“So, why New York?” I asked unsure of what was calling her to the city other than Kadie and I being here.

“I don't know” Rebecca shrugged her shoulders and looked away. “I guess seeing how good you and Kadie have it makes it desirable.”

“Trust me” I laughed. “By no means are our lives easy!”

“Oh, come on” Rebecca lowered her gaze at me. “Kadie built her own company, found a lawyer who's a partner at his firm and got married to him. Please tell me how difficult her life is.”

I rolled my eyes. “Kadie's always had better luck than any of us.” We laughed as we thought about all the ridiculous situations she'd gotten into and ended up coming out on top.

“Remember when her company was hosting that private party and she snuck us in because we were dying to meet Kenny Chesney?” Rebecca smiled as she thought about that night.

“Her boss's assistant was livid!” I closed my eyes and joined her in memory. “When Kenny found out we jumped the rope he was so flattered. He praised Kadie to her boss and she ended up getting a promotion.”

Rebecca sighed. “I see what you're saying.”

“She can't help it.” I shrugged. “She's just one of those people whose life falls into place for her.”

“I guess I just needed a change of scenery.” Rebecca folded her arms. “I thought about Nashville, you know Elizabeth is out there.” Elizabeth was Rebecca's younger cousin. She'd moved out to Nashville to pursue her love of music. “It woulda been more familiar, but I don't know, Lynn, I've been waking up every day thinking I haven't done anything crazy in life, you know?”

“Quarter life crisis, trust me, I know that feeling all too well.” I smiled.

Jonah walked out of the guest bedroom. “The bed is made and I put your things away in the closet.” He snuggled himself between me and the armrest of the chair I was sitting in and rested his arm over my shoulders.

“Thanks!” Rebecca smiled at Jonah. “So, when's the wedding?”

“Some time this year” Jonah said at the exact moment I said, “We're not sure yet.” We both looked at one another silently as our eyes did most of the talking.

“Sounds like you two need to get on the same page.” She laughed as she examined our uneasiness.

I continued to stare at him. “Yeah, we do.” We were both squinting our eyes at one another. The wedding had been the last thing on our minds since we'd gotten the baby news.

“You must be exhausted!” I jumped up from the couch and gestured for Rebecca to follow me. I settled her into her temporary bedroom before Jonah and I went back to bed.

“When are we going to tell our families?” Jonah whispered.

“I don't know” I sighed loud enough for him to hear. “I don't think we should tell them at all.”

“Oh yeah? And how's that suppose to work exactly?” The room was dark and I couldn't see anything, but I felt Jonah's head turn my way as if he were looking at me.“We pretend we adopted a baby that looks exactly like us?”

I giggled quietly. “Or we can fake our deaths so no one ever comes looking for us.”

“A little extreme, but I like it.” He whispered back. I felt Jonah's hand run up my neck as he rested it just behind my head. His thumb softly caressed my jaw. “Here's an even crazier idea, what if we just told our families the truth?”

I laid quietly lost in my thoughts for a brief second. “Can we talk about this later?”

“Fine” Jonah softly kissed my forehead and rolled back over.

I stayed up most of the night blankly staring up at the ceiling. So far Jaime, Sarah, and Kadie were the only ones who knew. Kadie was probably the most supportive. I went to see her the night after Jonah and I decided to go through with the pregnancy. She reassured me that she'd be there through the journey that my life was about to take on. Sarah wasn't as supportive as I wished she would have been. Then again Sarah is more of a free soul. She doesn't like having any sort of attachments, so I didn't take her thoughts to heart. Jaime's reaction was probably the mot neutral. He reminded me that I still have time to think it through, but he'd support me either way.

Jonah and I had this conversation a few times already. He wanted to tell our families and I was a little more hesitant. It's not that I was second guessing myself, because I wasn't, I just didn't know if I could handle the backlash. My family was so traditional. I couldn't even imagine what everyone in town would think if they found out. Jonah thought I should drop the small town thinking and not worry about a place where I no longer live. But, that place was still home.

It was all just too much to think about.

I woke up the next morning to the sound of Jonah and Rebecca talking in the kitchen. I felt like I was hit by a train. My body was aching from the lack of sleep I'd been getting. I forced myself out of bed anyway. After attempting to make myself look presentable I joined Rebecca and Jonah for breakfast.

“Hey Sunshine!” Jonah wrapped one hand around me and kissed the top of my head. The other hand was holding a plate with scrambled eggs and toast. “I hope we didn't wake you.” He set the plate down on the kitchen island and gestured for me to sit on the stool.

“Thanks babe” I kissed him back before I sat down. “So, what were you two talking about?” I asked Rebecca.

“I was just telling Jonah that I have to find a job if I want to stay here.” She took a bite of her pancakes before she finished talking. “You know I'm planning on taking my CPA exam by the end of Summer so I'll need tons of time to study.”

Jonah finished her sentence for her. “So, I offered her to work at my place.”

I wasn't sure how they came to that conclusion. “But she's not a writer or even in any sort of media.”

“Yeah, but, our receptionist is leaving before the end of May. It'll give Rebecca enough time to train.” Jonah shrugged his shoulders. “The position is geared more towards college students so it'll allow her enough time to study while she's at work and she's free to leave once she gets a new job.”

“Isn't that perfect?” Rebecca covered her mouth as she spoke.

“Well then it's setlled!” I raised my glass of OJ and Jonah and Rebecca did the same. “You're moving to New York!”

Always wondered where a certain storyline came from? Or who a character is based off of? Head over to The Writers Block to ask your questions about NYD to be featured in my "Behind The Blog" post! Go, go, go! I'm taking all questions through the weekend!


Thursday, April 2, 2015

We're Having A Baby, My Baby and Me

Jonah was gripping my hand so tight my fingers were starting to turn fuchsia. I just stared down at my hand. I didn't know what to say, or do, or even how to act. Judging by Jonah's behavior I could tell he didn't know either. This was probably God's twisted way of foreshadowing the next eighteen years of our lives

Dr. Adler sensed our confusion and the smile on her face slowly vanished. She put down a file that she'd been holding before cupping her hands as if to add a more serious tone to her body language. “I understand if this may be an unwanted pregnancy. I won't ask any questions, but if you need some time to make your decision requiring the future of your baby...”

I knew it was standard information to give, especially after our blank expressions, but hearing her say “your baby” struck a chord with me.

“...We need to know immediately to take the proper repercussions.” Her voice was monotone. The loud, joyous, Dr. Adler that had walked into the room a minute ago was no longer here.

“How about a paternity test?” Jonah finally let go of my hand. “How soon would we be able to determine if this baby is even mine?”

My eyes practically popped out of my head as I snapped upwards. Dr. Adler was trying hard to hide the disgust on her face. In her eyes we'd quickly gone from a cute loving couple to a couple that needed to be on Maury.

“Oh, my God Dr. Adler!” I used all my strength to elbow Jonah in his obliques. He bent over erupting into laughter. “He's totally just kidding! Seriously! He knows it's his!” I tried to convince her while I looked at Jonah, who was recovering from his outburst, and spoke through my teeth. “He has the most inappropriate timings.”

Dr. Adler caught the sudden drift and smiled. She picked up the file once again, pointing it at Jonah, and squinted her eyes. “Oh, I've seen Mr. Cohen's talk show. I know he's a jokster.” She opened up the file in her hand and began walking towards the door. “Trust me Miss Barnes, despite the timings, the funny ones are the keepers.” She winked at us before she opened the door.

“Yeah...” I held onto my stomach as I smiled back, “apparently!”

She excused herself from the room allowing Jonah and I to talk. We stared at each other for a few seconds before I covered my face with my hands and laid back on the exam bed.

“Lynn” He spoke softly. I could feel his finger tips running up and down my arm as he stood over me.

“I just need a minute” I spoke through my fingers. Even though my hands were covering my face I still closed my eyes. Jonah's hands were no longer caressing me. Instead I felt him sit besides me. I took a deep breath and uncovered my face. “Why aren't you saying anything?”

Jonah furrowed his brows, “you told me you needed a minute.”

“Yeah,” I sat back up so we were face to face. “But, you haven't said anything since she told us.”

He took my hand and held it between his. “I can tell you need time to collect your thoughts. I don't want to say anything yet because I know you Lynn, I know you'll feel obligated to feel the same way. We're both going to be parents, but you're the one that has to carry the baby so it's important that you know how you feel.”

“Why do you have to be so nice all the time?” I leaned my head on Jonah's chest and did what I'd been doing for the last week. I cried. I don't even know why I was crying. At this point it was just turning into a habit.

Jonah's head laid on top of mine. His arms wrapped around me like a blanket. I felt his chest move slightly as a cool breath touched my head. I looked up baffled.

“What is it?” I asked. Jonah shook his head refusing to answer. “Jonah...” I leaned away from him so his arms were no longer on me. “Tell me.”

Jonah hesitated at first, but then went on.“You use to put walls up around your emotions. I remember I would have to try so hard to get you to tell me how you really felt. I'd have to ask the same question twenty times in twenty different ways...”

I chuckled and finished his sentence. “And now I spill my guts all the time.”

“I'm not complaining.” He smiled and opened his arms again. I nestled myself on his shoulder.

“It's weird.” I mumbled. Jonah asked what I was talking about and I continued. “I felt like I was ready, but once I heard Dr. Adler say it out loud I don't know anymore...I...I just don't feel ready. ”

“I think...” Jonah took a deep breath “It's something you can prepare yourself for, but it's something you won't be ready for until it happens.”

“You think so?” I looked up at Jonah hopeful.

He shrugged. “Yeah, because I have so much experience with having kids.”

I shook my head and smiled. I may have given him a hard time about his inappropriate timings, but the truth is, it never was. He always knew what to say at the right times. Even if it was something completely obscene just to put a smile on my face.

That morning I decided not to go to class. I knew I wouldn't have been able to concentrate and Henry would've probably asked a million and one questions. I couldn't deal with that right now. After the week I'd been having I just needed a little normalcy in my life for a brief twenty four hours.

Jonah didn't want me to be at home by myself. Especially since I'd been so full of emotions lately. He insisted I come with him to work. I laid on the couch in his office for most of the afternoon. The T.V mounted on the wall across from me was on, but I just stared at it blankly. Jonah liked to keep it on the news channel for current events. He'd watch for a few seconds from behind his desk and then go back to typing on his computer.

Every time Jonah had to leave his office Priyal, his assistant, would come in. He thought I didn't know it wasn't a coincidence, but I knew he asked Priyal to keep me company. She looked like she had a lot of work to do and I kept telling her to get back to it, but she'd refuse, saying it was no big deal, and that she never gets to spend time with me. She must have thought I was mentally unstable and couldn't stay in a room by myself.

Later that afternoon I went downstairs to the studio to watch Jonah film. I was always in and out of the studio so much that Mike, Jonah's producer, had a special seating area for me behind the camera where I could sit and watch with the crew.

Once the show was over Jonah and I headed back home. He still had some work to do, but decided he could finish it at home. We stopped by our favorite Thai take out and grabbed dinner.

“Babe” Jonah tried to get my attention while I opened up the box of food. He grabbed a piece of noodle and ate it. “You've been really quiet today.”

I took out a couple of plates, but Jonah put them back. He grabbed a fork and ate straight out of the box instead.

“I don't know what to say.” I shrugged.

He put his food down on the counter and held onto my shoulder. “Tell me you're okay.”

I smiled. “I'm okay” I shrugged again. “I just don't know what to say.”

Jonah continued to look into my eyes. He kissed my forehead and went back to eating.

“There's a million things going through my head.” I said as I poked at my food. “What's going to happen with school? I'll be working in the hospital by the time the baby comes so will I even be able to do my rotations? “

“Lynn..” Jonah tried to cut me off.

“You're at work, like, twenty hours out of the day so who's gonna watch the baby while I'm gone? Is this apartment even safe for the baby? Will we have to move again?”


“Can we afford to move? How much does it cost to raise a baby any way? Do I have to multiple that cost by ten since we're living in New York? Why is everything so damn expensive here?” Jonah walked back over to me and covered my mouth with his hand.

Lynn...breathe.” I inhaled a deep breath through my nose. “You're gonna keep going to school. You'll be able to do your rotations. We will get a nanny for when we're gone. If you don't feel comfortable here, we can always find a new place that's safe for our baby. And yes, we can afford to move. I'm not sure how much it cost to raise a baby, but trust me we can afford that too. In fact our baby could go to a private daycare and become a snobby New Yorker. And you'll have to ask Bill de Blasio about that last question.” Jonah finished answering all my questions just as fast as I had asked them. He waited a brief second longer before he moved his hand from my mouth.

That was it. That was all I wanted. To know everything was going to be okay.

Our baby is gonna be a snobby New Yorker. I don't know if I should be happy or sad.”

Jonah laughed. “Hey, not all New Yorkers are bad.”

Name one...” I squinted my eyes as I smiled.

Oh! There she is! There's my beautiful fiance!” Jonah held my chin “I was looking for her all day!” He teasingly squeezed my cheeks as I tried to wiggle away from his grip. The two of us laughed like we hadn't in days. It felt familiar. Even though Jonah had been there the whole day, something snapped, and suddenly I didn't feel alone anymore.

I grabbed his hands and intertwined our fingers. I was wedged between the kitchen counter and Jonah's body. Everything about him being so close to me felt right. I smiled as I looked at him. “We're having a baby!”

Jonah smiled back just as big, if not bigger, “My baby and me” he sang softly before he leaned down and kissed me.