Thursday, April 23, 2015

Ulterior Motive

“You're kidding, right?!”

Kadie was in hysterics after I told her about Rebecca walking in on Jonah and I. She was doing one of those, “deep inhales and slapping the table,” numbers. The men and women in business attire around us began to peer over. I nervously laughed pretending like I was one of them wondering why Kadie was acting so deranged.

“Knock it off!” I whispered aggressively while still managing to smile. “People are staring at us!”

Kadie cooed as she tried to catch her breath and began wiping the corner of her eyes with a napkin. “So, what happened? Did she run out when she saw you two?”

I rolled my eyes and stabbed at the drenched lettuce remains at the bottom of my salad bowl. It was Monday afternoon and Kadie and I met for a quick lunch to catch up.

“She only saw my face, thank God, because I was completely naked.” Kadie giggled again. “Jonah laid in front of me so she couldn't see, but it doesn't matter cause her eyes were glued to him for a few seconds longer than they should have been.” I shook my head. “I don't know, something about her seeing my boyfriend's naked chest just irks me.”

“Oh, come on” Kadie began picking at her bread stick “I've seen Jonah shirtless before and you've seen Adam shirtless too. It's no big deal.”

“Yeah, but that's at the pool or during a friendly game of sports, not pre-sex shirtless.”

Kadie scrunched her mouth as she thought about it and then nodded in agreement. “True. I don't think I'd like it if you saw Adam like that and you were single.”

“Exactly!” I dropped my shoulders in relief when Kadie finally saw my point. “The weirdest part is that she's acting like it never happened. I mean, it's only been a day, but still.” I sighed “I don't know why, but with every passing day I keep getting irritated with everything she says and does. She's probably just trying to be nice and I keep taking it out on her.”

“I don't know, Lynn...” Kadie took one last big bite of her salad and held her hand over her mouth as she spoke. “That's something I would apologize for profusely...being in a couple's personal space. Good friend or not, I think you have a right to be defensive.”

I went back to school after Kadie and I finished up our lunch. Sarah, Henry, and I spent the rest of the night at the library studying. We'd been putting in more hours than usual since finals were quickly approaching. It was becoming a habit to stay even when we studied all that our little brains could handle. Every semester would come and go, and yet it would shock us that we had to pass our exams to move onwards. The sad and pathetic story of our life.

I came home close to midnight that night to find Jonah and Rebecca sitting at the kitchen counter. I wasn't thrilled, especially after the talk I had with Kadie, but at least Jonah was decent enough to leave an empty bar stool between them.

“Hey, you two” I greeted them as I walked into the apartment. They were looking at something on Jonah's iPad when their eyes glanced up at me. That's when I noticed a bottle that looked like champagne and glasses on the kitchen counter. I pointed to it, “what's going on?”

Jonah, who looked exhausted from a long day, lit up as he remembered. He jumped off his stool and walked over to give me a kiss.

“Ugh” Rebecca groaned, “he's been refusing to tell me until you got home.”

I furrowed my brows. “I would hope he'd wait until his fiance got home to share champagne worthy news.” I inhaled a deep breath and reminded myself not to take everything so personally.

“It's actually sparkling cider.” She laughed, blowing off my comment. “Why'd you get cider, Jonah?”

“I...” Jonah hesitated as he lied. “I just grabbed whatever was in the break room fridge.” His hands rested on my shoulders as he slightly shook me in excitement. “Remember how my agent said he wanted to get me more exposure?”

I nervously smiled. “I remember...”

“Well...” He added a pause for dramatic effect. “They want me to host the Emmys!”

“What!” Rebecca and I both shouted. For a split second I forgot she was there. I dropped my bags and covered my gaping mouth. I was so proud of Jonah.

“How?..What?...Oh my God!” I was at a loss for words so I wrapped my hands around him into a tight hug instead. “Congratulations my love!”

Jonah laughed as he tried to explain the whole situation. “Apparently, my name got thrown into the list of potential hosts now that I have my own show. My agent said he wished it was his doing, but they picked me cause they've been watching the show and thought I was up for the challenge.” He shrugged his shoulders as he blushed, “I mean it's just the Emmys...nothing major...”

Before I could say anything Rebecca cut in, “Don't down play it Jonah! The Emmys are THE award show for television!”

“Yeah” I furrowed my brows and shook my head as I annoyingly agreed. Jonah laughed at my expression, but stepped out of our hug to face Rebecca.

“Congratulations!” She said as she held out her arms for a hug.

“Oh..” I whispered to myself. “Okay” If it were any other girl sharing the exciting news I wouldn't have thought twice about her giving Jonah a congratulatory hug. But, this one just made me feel some type of way.

Jonah could sense my uncomfortableness and opted to give Rebecca an awkward side hug instead.

“Thanks Rebecca” He smiled “That means a lot” He walked to the other side of the counter and poured out the sparkling cider for the three of us. “It's just crazy that some of the best personalities have been in the same position.” He dazed off as he started naming a few “Carson... Fallon... Sullivan... O'Brien... Letterman...”

I raised my glass “May you be the best host to grace the stage!” I knew Rebecca was looking so I wrapped my hand around the back of Jonah's neck and gave him another kiss before we drank. Even though it was childish I couldn't stop myself from doing it. Like, I had a point to make or something.

It was getting late, so Jonah and I went to our room to get ready for bed. 

"Someone has a fan" I said under my breath as I shut our bedroom door behind us. Jonah stared at me for a brief second before he shook his head and laughed.

“What?” I groaned as I started changing into my pj's.

Jonah had gone into the bathroom to floss his teeth. The door was still open so I could hear him talking, “Call me naïve but I don't think anything's going on.”

I rolled my eyes, dramatically, since Jonah couldn't see. “Okay, naïve, she's obviously into you. Did you not see how she's acting?”

Jonah leaned against the door frame as he started to brush his teeth and watched me make a fool of myself.

I began talking in a high pitch voice that was nothing close to Rebecca's,”the Emmys are THE award show for television!”

Jonah smiled and shook his head again before he went back to the sink to rinse his mouth. He walked out and stripped down to his boxers before he slide into bed. It was my turn to go to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I kept talking the entire time, telling Jonah about my lunch with Kadie, but only heard an occasional “hm” and “uh” from Jonah's end.

I shut the bathroom lights as I walked out to find him reading on his Kindle. He wasn't really paying attention to what I was saying. “Jonah, are you serious?”

“What?” He finally looked up.

“Have you not been listening to what I was saying?” I walked over to my side of the bed.

Jonah went back to reading as he spoke. “I think you're just paranoid. It doesn't help that you have Kadie whispering in your ear.”

I folded my arms. “Actually, Kadie wasn't the one to come to the conclusion, I was. She just agreed.” Jonah didn't respond, instead he swiped his finger on the screen to turn to the next page. I pulled back the bedsheets and laid down. “How can you not come to the conclusion from the way she looks at you?”

Jonah sighed and rocked back his head. "Lynn, I'm in an unfortunate position where people give me strange looks all the time. I can't waste my time by trying to determine if it's lust, or hatred, or jealousy, or whatever. It comes with the territory of being in the spotlight. And as my partner you should accept it and not question it either. It's not healthy.”

“So, you agree?” I muttered. “She looks at you in a lustful way?” Jonah sighed as he held the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “There's a difference when you know and you don't do anything to stop things from going further.”

Jonah turned onto his elbow to face me. “No, I don't think she looks at me that way.” He rolled back over and put his Kindle away on the night table. “I think things got weird the other day and she's just trying her best to avoid the awkward situation.”

I laughed sarcastically.

“What's going on?” Jonah turned towards me again. “What's with the sudden change of attitude?”

I didn't answer Jonah. I furrowed my brows and pouted my lips instead.

“Say what you want about her, but at least she was way more excited by the news than you were.”

“Great, so you like her now too...or are you not going to acknowledge that either?” I rebuttal but Jonah wasn't having it.

“Lynn, seriously...” His voice was stern.”Just stop.” He shut his table lamp off. For as long as I knew Jonah, he never raised his voice to me. I was so taken back I didn't know what to say.

I tossed and turned and regretted every word I said that night. I couldn't control myself. I was feeling extra hormonal and protective of what was mine.

I woke up the next morning ready to apologize for my nagging behavior, but to my surprise the bed was empty. Usually Jonah and I stumbled around each other between the closet and the bathroom trying to get ready, but not today. He must have gone to work early.

I took a quick shower and began getting ready for the day. I was caught off guard when I walked out of my room and saw that Rebecca was awake. It looked like she had just finished eating breakfast and was washing her dishes.

“Good morning” She smiled as she turned off the faucet and dried her hands. “Bagel before class?” She offered a plate full of bagels that already had cream cheese, tomato slices, and basil on them.

“You're up early” I took a bagel from the plate and sat on the kitchen bar stool.

“Yeah” She set the plate down and began doing other things as she casually continued. “I heard Jonah awake earlier than usual today, so I thought I'd make him something to grab and go.”

I began coughing as I choked on my bite. What did this bitch just say?

“Are you okay?” Rebecca asked as she walked around the counter.

I held up my hand to stop her from coming any closer. “I'm fine. Just a big bite.” I cleared my throat and took a drink of the orange juice she poured out for me. “You know you really don't have to do that for Jonah.” I was hoping she would catch my drift.

“I know” She sighed as sat down next to me. “It's just so nice what y'all are doing for me, you know? I feel like I owe you guys. I came here with no direction and now I feel like I'm home.”

I actually started to feel bad. Maybe Jonah was right. Maybe Rebecca was over compensating and here I was accusing her of having an ulterior motive.

“Aren't you going to be late to class?” She asked when she noticed that I wasn't in a hurry to leave.

“Actually” I looked down at my phone. “I'm going late today. My realtor just texted me and said she has an opening in her schedule this morning.”

“Are you guys looking to move again?” Rebecca sounded confused

I laughed. “No, for you, silly. She said she has a few apartment listings in your price range she'd like to show you.”

“Oh” She exhaled a heavy breath.

“Did you change your mind about moving here?” Please say yes! Please say yes! Please say yes!

“No, it's not that...” She shrugged her shoulders,“I...kinda like it here...for now I mean...if it's okay with you and Jonah.”

“Oh” I nodded my head “It's just,we feel bad, you know?” Rebecca stayed absolutely still as I spoke. “We're always gone here or there...” I spoke through the corner of my mouth as I pointed over my shoulder with my thumb, “...or on the couch.”

“Right” Rebecca flinched and shook her head. “I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to walk in on you two.”

“It's okay” I smiled as she finally saw my point.

“I should at least look at some places right?” Rebecca stood up from her seat and began walking to her room to get ready.

“Right” I smiled mischievously.

That morning we spent over an hour looking at apartments in the city. Kadie joined us mid-way through the process. I was hoping she could try to convince Rebecca that she was getting a great deal on the places we'd seen, but she was refusing to listen to either of us. She had high standards and a low price range. “Rebecca, this isn't Texas, you can't get a lot of bang for your buck here.” Kadie tried explaining. Jessica, my realtor, was becoming frustrated with her picky demands and cut the hunt short.

After we were done looking at places Rebecca ended up going to Kadie's office with her. I was on my way to class when I passed by Jonah's office. I decided to stop by to talk about last night since I hadn't gotten a chance to see him in the morning.

The elevator doors opened to Jonah's floor and there was a crowd of tourists admiring the halls as a page explained it's history. A new group came by every hour and I always tried to avoid the awkward eye contact and smiling as I slipped down the hall.

When I walked into Jonah's office there were already a few other people in the room. I knew afternoons before filming were always the busiest part of the day, but I had to see Jonah to make things better.

His producer, Mike, and another writer were going over some papers as a woman measured Jonah's neck. Another woman was holding up ties and asking which one he preferred to wear during the show. I knocked on the door frame to get his attention. Everyone turned to look at me. Jonah held up a finger gesturing for me to wait as he continued talking to his writer. Mike came over to greet me and give me a hug. We started to catch up. His daughters were in high school and college so he always liked to brag about what they were up to.

Slowly, one by one, everyone left the room until it was just the two of us. “You didn't go to class today?” Jonah asked as he walked around his desk, still looking at the papers in his hand.

I nervously tapped my fingers against each other. “No, Jessica had a cancellation in her schedule so we went to look at apartments for Rebecca...” Jonah was still avoiding eye contact as he nodded his head. “I was actually on my way right now, but I had to come by to see you. You left kind of early this morning...”

Jonah finally looked up as he exhaled, “I had to come early to prepare a statement for the media. They're publicly announcing the host this week. Things are gonna start getting busier around here.” Jonah kept talking as he shuffled through papers on his desk. “We have to start preparing for the awards and still film a live show everyday. It's gonna be hectic.”

A couple of guys walked into Jonah's office and started talking to him. They were going over something that sounded important, so I gestured to him that I was leaving.

Once I got to the elevator doors, and they opened, a hand reached over my shoulder to hold it open. I turned around to find Jonah standing there. “I'm sorry.” He spoke quietly. “I didn't mean to get angry like that. I feel horrible.”

“No” I shook my head. “I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me last night. I wasn't acting like myself.”

He held my shoulders as he kissed my forehead, “The jealousy thing is only cute to an extent...Just please promise me you won't get crazy over this, Lynn.”


  1. I can understand how Lynn feels. I had a friend who was moving to the city where I live and stayed with me several times while she searched for apartments. Once she moved she still came over to hang out and do her laundry since her new place didn't have a w/d. She called one day to see if she could come over and do laundry, but I was out of town. She offered to drop by to check on the house (aka do her laundry while I wasn't there) and I said no my husband was home and he had everything under control. Come to find out later she called my husband and said that I offered to let her come over to do her laundry since he was home. I didn't want to come off as the jealous wife, but at the same time, that was not okay. I ended up having a mutual friend talk to her about how it's not appropriate.

    If I were Lynn, I'd nip this "I'd rather stay here" thing real quick.

    1. I think you did a great job handling the situation! Jealousy, whether we like to admit that we are or not, can make you do/say some unforgiving things. It was out of line for your friend to come over when you asked her not to, as is Rebecca's "closeness" to Jonah, and handling the situation delicately is essential to avoid conflict. Having someone outside the situation explain to her why it wasn't appropriate seems like the way best way to go about it. If I were in the situation I'd hope to be level-headed enough to do the same! Just curious, did anything in the friendship change, or are you two still on good terms?

    2. That's pretty brilliant bringing in a mutual friend to intervene. Less easy for boundary invading friend to dismiss you as being paranoid and deflect blame.

    3. We're actually not on good terms anymore, but for vastly different reasons.

    4. Oy vey, sounds like a bad seed :|

  2. Omg.. Rebecca actually bothers me so much... I STILL don't understand how she doesn't think it's an imposition to crash at the newly engaged couples house... I feel like she could cause big issues between Lynn and Jonah, and I'm definitely not okay with that. I would really like to see her find her own place soon.

    1. This! Why is it ok to stay with Lynn and Jonah unannounced without expiration date but she "doesn't want to impose on Kadie and Adam"? If I was staying at someone's place and walked in on them finally getting some alone time I would leave! I would apologize profusely, back my ass out the door, and go grab a cocktail and kill an hour or two. Then to not even address it and think it's ok to stay indefinitely when clearly Lynn and Jonah want time alone?? While Lynn started acting out in the bedroom and went a bit overboard, I hate that Jonah completely dismissed Lynn's feelings. Lynn has known Rebecca a long time and you pick up changes of behavior in your friends and know when they are interested in someone. Even if Jonah would never act on it, he needs to acknowledge that something about Rebecca's behavior is making Lynn uncomfortable. Yes, he's in the spotlight and has to deal with "looks". His fiancée shouldn't have to navigate that in her own apartment.

      I may be a little sensitive to this situation because my husband and I were in a similar situation this time last year. Scenario was the same, we were a newly engaged couple and my husband had a friend who came to stay with us for what was supposed to be a couple weeks to find an apartment and turned into 6 months! He had fallen off the wagon and progressed to full blown alcoholic territory complete with trying to manipulate my husband and my relationship and losing two different jobs. It was baaad. I felt like a prisoner in my own home and my husband and I fought because he couldn't put his foot down to his childhood friend when I needed him to prioritize us as a couple and just get. him. the. hell. out. Staying with a couple is such a different dynamic than roommates, especially when you are a guest. It's important to be respectful of space and their autonomy as a couple.

    2. Oh! Best part was how I got my husband to put his foot down. I gave him a date and told him after that day I would start walking around the house naked. Worked like a charm...only wish I'd thought of it months sooner!

    3. Oh my gosh!! That's a great idea! Nobody should be put through that!

    4. Srob, that's horrible. I'm sorry you had to go through something like that. It's definitely a difficult situation for anyone to be in and I guess there isn't really a right way to deal with it. Avoiding the mess over all seems the best way to go. Oh, and the "deadline before I start walking around naked" idea. LOL

  3. Stress is bad for pregnancy, just sayiiing

    1. I agree wholeheartedly. Especially in the first trimester or so. I read that some of the issues stemming from stress during that crucial time are asthma and other respiratory problems, etc. Love this story!!! Surely don't want to read about anything happening to this pregnancy.

  4. I feel like Jonah was uncharacteristically kind of a dick here. I'm surprised he isn't more protective of Lynn and their time together right now.

  5. Me too! This post leaves me unsettled. He dismisses her way too easily, especially considering she's pregnant.

  6. I think Jonah's cavalier attitude is going to come back and bite him. Rebecca is being a total jerk and he is being blind to it. I realize it's mostly because he is overwhelmingly busy at work, but I can't understand why he is not just as pissed at Rebecca essentially squatting at their apartment as Lynn is. I mean, she shows up unannounced and then says she doesn't want to leave? WTH?? I know Kadie can be a pill, but I am glad she is backing Lynn up on this issue. Her excuse of not wanting to intrude on Kadie and Adam,but that it's OK to intrude on Lynn and Jonah is ridiculous. She needs to find her own place, pronto.

  7. I cannot stand Rebecca! I'm the type of person who needs their space and can absolutely empathize with Lynn. Although I am a bit upset with Jonah's behavior to the situation, I can understand why he would be a tad irritated. I am so in love with Jonah and Lynn's relationship that if anything comes in between them, I will mess them up. JK. But seriously, Rebecca, I cannot stand you, and you need to leave like yesterday.

  8. Seriously, I love how sweet Jonah is. I think he had a right to be a little mad about it. I also think he could have been more considerate of Lynn's feelings too. She is pregnant after all.

  9. Seriously am I the only one that thinks Jonah had the right to act like a dick? She blew off some major news because she's so consumed with Rebecca. I totally hate her and she needs to GO! if anything happens between Jonah and Lynn I'm gonna have a major BF(white chicks referece lol) p.s love your writing you always make me feel like I'm part of the story!!

    1. Gemma - you have a BF....I'm gonna write a letter! LOL! mum

    2. I love white chicks and the fact that you referenced it :P

  10. Get rid of rebecca. Didn't Jamie need a roommate? Or has that been too long ago. Jamie would set Rebecca straight

  11. Ugh I would kick her out and never look back. How annoying.

  12. Lynn has a right to feel uncomfortable. This girl woke up early to make him breakfast? Wtf? How are you making breakfast for another woman's fiancé? That just doesn't sit right with me. Rebecca is meddling and I think she knows it. She's going to start whispering things in Jonah's ear and they're Lynn and Jonah fight about it. I hope he doesn't end up confusing in Rebecca since they will be spending a lot of time together. That's just a recipe for disaster. And Lynn (being hormonal and at times irrational at times) will attack Rebecca and Rebecca is going to play that victim role so well in front of Jonah.

    Can you tell I've gone through this? It puts a lot of strain on the relationship.

    Zara - as always, love love love your writing!

    1. *confiding not confusing lol

    2. Thank you Anon, as always I love love love reading your engaging comments! :) Interesting take, btw!

  13. Rebecca is one of those girls that just makes me want to push her in front of a bus (Mean Girls, anyone?). She has some nerve and I think Lynn is being too nice (as well as Jonah!). Girl needs to go. lol

    Literally, just reading about her makes my blood boil. If another woman was doing that for my husband, I would be livid and I am not an overly jealous person. Just something about her playing Suzy Homemaker in MY house would really piss me off. I am all for southern hospitality, but bitch seems like she's got some serious ulterior motives.

  14. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Rebecca doesn't know that Lynn is pregnant right? Maybe if she knew she would move out faster...

    1. That's true, but I would worry about her becoming spiteful and running to the press. I feel since Jonah is in the entertainment industry that that would just open a can of worms that Lynn and Jonah aren't ready to deal with in the public. Just my opinion! Otherwise, if they weren't in the situation where Jonah was famous, I would definitely say that is a perfect idea.

  15. An adult should not feel comfortable staying in a friend's room for an indefinite period of time, especially without even asking first. Is she even offering to help pay rent? It's ridiculous. No logical person would do that. And come on Rebecca, take a hint, no one arranges a meeting with a realtor if they want you to hang out forever in their home. Really can't wait for the next post! I hope it doesn't go too long before there is finally some confrontation of the issue

  16. I do not trust Rebecca as far as I could throw her. She seems shady with ulterior motives. It's like she thinks she is a part of Lynn and Jonahs relationship because she is crashing with them. She needs to get the fuck out right now. Find her own place to live in and quit taking advantage of their hospitality.
    Also, everyone please check out my new real-life blog based on my dating life! Thanks!