Thursday, October 31, 2013

'Til The City Do Us Part

Joshua made his way over to my row. He was wearing my favorite blue polo of his. (Damn him!) It was my favorite because of the way  it complimented his sun kissed tan.

My heart began to pace rapidly as Joshua made his way over. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. His sleeves rolled over his muscles as he threw his luggage into the over head compartment effortlessly.

He sat in the empty seat next to me. We both pretended as if the other wasn't there. Just as Joshua opened his mouth the captain came on the PA to welcome us onto the flight. Joshua sighed and slightly dropped his head.

I could feel his pain. I turned towards the window. I couldn't let him see me with tears in my eyes. I wanted to put up a strong front. It was too late to turn back now. 5 minutes later our flight had taken off.

Joshua finally mustered up the courage to look at me.“So, were you ever going to tell me? Was this the plan since the beginning?”

 Ugh. I couldn't believe this was happening.

“Joshua, this was never the plan. I wanted to tell you. I really did. But you kept talking about our future. I wasn't ready for that.”

“If it wasn't something you were ready for, you could have talked to me about it. Dammit Lynn!” he covered his eyes with his hand and took a deep breathe to calm himself.

“Kadie told me everything. I couldn't believe it. I thought it was another one of her cruel jokes. So I went over to your parents place hoping to see you there. But instead they kept asking me why I didn't come to the airport to drop you off. And..and that's when I knew...”

“Damn, you made it here pretty fast!” I tried lighting the mood. We were on a 4 hour flight for God sakes!

“Lynn, this isn't the time for your sarcasm. I want to know why. Why are you doing this to me”

 It had only been 7 minutes since take off and I knew this would be the longest flight of my life.

“You're the most amazing guy I've ever met. Honestly Josh, it's unreal how perfect you are.”

 I could tell by Joshua's face that I had caught him off guard.

“And I think that's what scares me the most. I felt like everything was too planned out. I always felt like, like I just didn't belong. You were star quarterback and prom king in high school, top of your class in college, and now you're working this amazing job. You kept talking about wanting to start a life together, wanting to have a family. But where's my plan in all of this? I never had a say in anything. You just assumed I would drop everything for you. You never cared to know what I wanted from this relationship.”

I rolled my head back and looked over at Joshua. It was the first time he seemed to be paying attention to what I had to say.

“It wasn't bound to work out, Joshua. We're in two separate places in our lives. You're ready to settle, and I'm ready to get out in the world. It just wasn't meant to be...for now at least.”

Joshua seemed uneasy about coming to terms with my last statement.

“It doesn't mean we can't be together. You can go to New York, do what you have to do, and come back. We can work through the distance!”

“This is exactly what I'm talking about. You just want me to get this out of my system, and then what? Come back and be your housewife who cooks you dinner and cleans up after the kids for the rest of her life? But what if it's something I want long term?”

At this point I could see Joshua's aggravation.

“I've always wanted the best for you Lynn Lee, but I hope you know you're making a huge mistake. That city is going to chew you up and spit you out. And what will you have to show for it? Nothing. I know you're wanting to find your independence, but I swear I know you, you won't be able to handle it. Just skip the drama and come home.”

I couldn't believe Joshua had taken such a tone with me. And it was even harder to grasp the fact that he didn't have an ounce of faith in me.

The next 3 and half hours were spent in complete silence. It turned out to be beneficial. It gave us both some time to think. By hour 2 I felt like I could understand where Joshua was coming from. He had it all and he just lost the last puzzle piece to his perfect life. I would be upset too if I were in his shoes. But I wasn't going to let this stop me. If anything Joshua's words helped me to realize that I had to do any and every thing possible to make sure I was successful. I had to face my fears. I had to prove him wrong.

What seemed like the longest flight ever had finally ended. Our plane landed at La Gaurdia Airport. Joshua and I made our way through the plane and out into the terminal.

I pointed at his bag, “Are you planning on staying?”

He looked down at his carry on, 

“I was planning on staying a few days to convince you to come back. But, I guess...”

“'re right” I knew exactly what he was about to say and I couldn't bare to start that conversation over again.

“Josh, I didn't tell you because I would rather have you hate me for not telling you I was leaving then to have you hate me for wanting to leave.”

   Joshua dropped his bag and came in closer towards me. The smell of his cologne was making me nostalgic for the days we couldn't live without each other. His cold hands wrapped around either side of my face. I could feel a single tear roll down my cheek. Joshua's piercing green eyes said everything. He leaned in and our lips softly touched. We kissed one last time.

And that was the end of Joshua. I was in the Big City now.


  1. Initially I was like, WTH, Lynn? I get where she was coming from, but I think it was an immature way to handle it. She's just now having this conversation with Josh? He thought everything was perfect because he had no reason not to. I don't blame him for reacting the way he did. The conversation had to happen, and the way it happened left no questions. Lynn finally put on her big girl pants and said what she'd been needing to say for a long time. Here's to a new adventure in a big city! mum

  2. It's a great beginning and I look forward to following along. Just a little note, bare=naked, bear=carry, support, handle (also a large mammal, haha!). Thought you'd like to adjust that. :)

  3. Im hooked! saw ur link on lovesexpizza :) nice story, keep it on!
    I kindda understand why she didnt want to tell him now that i read how he really doesnt think she'll succeed- i guess that she didnt want the I told you so - in case she didnt make it.

  4. Looks like a fun blog to follow. I found your link on Modern Day Faith. Looking forward to Lynn's adventures in New York City!

  5. Thank you all so much for the feedback! It really helps fuel me to write more! Please keep in touch with Lynn Lee :)

  6. Found your link on Love Sex Pizza. Off to a great start, I look forward to reading more

  7. I dont agree with the way she left. That was cold!!!! She should've put her big girl boots on and been honest. After all those years, he at least deserved that. Love the blog so far though!! I just found it :)