Confessional

Monday morning had rolled around and our first semester of medical school had finally begun. I made it to class a little early and scoped out a comfy seat to claim for the remainder of the semester. Corey, Emma, Henry, and Sarah were all there to join me.

Our professor spent most of the class going over the syllabus. I really want to say I was paying full attention, but I wasn't. I had such a hectic weekend. Mainly trying to avoid Jonah. He reached out to me a few times and I ignored his attempts. I didn't want to talk to him until I knew how to deal with the situation.

Just like that it was 5pm and we were getting out of our last class for the day. Because our schedule was back to back we didn't have a chance to eat. We were all starving so we grabbed some chicken and rice from a street vendor and headed back to my apartment to hang out.

Just as we were rounding the corner of the stairwell to my apartment door everyone stopped.

“Wow, those are gorgeous!” Emma blurted.

I looked in front of my door to find a huge bouquet of the most beautiful pink and purple peonies. I picked up the vase and unlocked my door to let everyone in.

“Well, well, well, who are these from?” Sarah couldn't help but peek around the flowers to find a note. Once she did she handed it to me.

I opened the card and it read, “Hope you had a great first day! -J”

I couldn't believe he remembered. I stared at the flowers amazed. Jonah had taken me out to dinner the first night we met. Because my apartment was a few blocks away from the restaurant I decided to walk home and Jonah joined me. We came across a closed floral shop and I mentioned in passing that peonies were my favorite flowers. I had no idea he was paying attention.

I texted Jonah, “Thanks for the flowers. They're beautiful”

Jonah replied, “Glad to hear from you. Thought you might be avoiding me”

I played along, “What makes you say that?”

He responded, “Maybe that you ran out on me Friday and haven't returned any of my calls or texts all weekend?”

When I read Jonah's text a part of me felt bad for doing what I did. I had to put an end to this. I texted him back, “We need to talk. Can you be at my place later tonight?”

'Sure. Might be a little late though”

I put my phone away, grabbed my dinner, and went over to the living room to eat with everyone.

“Okay, so I'm thinking we can fit in a study session between Macro and Pathology on Mondays and Wednesdays. On Tuesdays and Thursday we can-” Emma said before stuffing a big bite of food in her mouth. She was simultaneously looking down at her schedule while eating. Emma was the 'serious about studying' type.

“For Christ's sake, Julianne” Henry snatched Emma's schedule out of her hands. He decided earlier today that Emma resembles a younger Julianne Moore and since having this revelation has refused to call her by her proper name. “We just barely got out of classes. Can we not talk about this now?”

“Piss off, Henry!” Sarah took the paper from his hand and gave it back to Emma. “Sometimes I wonder how we're from the same family tree.”

Annoyed of Henry, Sarah walked around to my end of the couch and sat down. She picked up the TV remote from the coffee table and turned it on.

We were so exhausted from our day we mindlessly watched a couple episodes of House Hunters and House Hunters International. It was starting to get late so everyone packed up their things and left.

I knew Jonah was going to be late but it was already past 8 and he still hadn't shown up. I continued to watch the marathon on HGTV and ended up falling asleep on the couch. It wasn't until 10pm that I was woken up by a knock on the door.

“Hey” I had the lights off in my apartment so when I opened the door to the bright hallway lights I squinted.

“Hey, sorry, did I wake you up?” Jonah leaned in for a hug.

“No, no, I was just watching TV. I guess I dozed off for a minute” I opened the door wider so Jonah could come in.

We went into the living room and sat on the couch. The TV was still on. We watched as the couple made their final decision on a rental home in Belize. I turned it on mute and finally built up the courage to ask Jonah.

“Are you seeing other people?”

Jonah looked taken back.

I tried rephrasing myself, “I mean, it doesn't matter if you are, it's not like we're dating. I just want to know for my own sanity”

“What? No.” he furrowed his eyebrows. “Is that why you've been ignoring me?”

“Well yeah” I was starting to feel stupid by how confidently Jonah answered my question. “I heard your boss telling you to stop messing around with a new girl everyday.”

Jonah looked completely lost. “When did he-” He stopped talking as he tried to remember what I was referring to. Suddenly he released the tension from his face and smiled as if something just clicked.

“Oh my god. You're too adorable” Jonah started laughing uncontrollably

“This isn't funny” I kept the stern look on my face and folded my arms across my chest.

“He was referring to a new writer.” Jonah laughed again and then continued “We just hired three new writers and they coincidentally are all males. It isn't sitting too well with HR so they're giving us a deadline to hire a new female writer. Unfortunately since I'm head writer the pressure is on me. I keep bringing in new writers, but so far none of them have been able to keep up with the high stress of the job.”

I felt like a complete idiot. Jonah could sense it by the expression on my face.

“If it's something that bothered you, you should have talked to me about it.”

I sat quietly looking down at the floor embarrassed. I looked up at him when I remembered the intern. “So then why was the intern telling me there were rumors about you?”

“She doesn't like me.”

“Because of the rumors?”

“Because I turned her down. She probably said that out of jealousy when she saw us together” Jonah was no longer smiling or laughing. Any playful mannerisms he had were now gone. He went back to a serious face. “Is there anything else?”

“No” I looked up at Jonah and I couldn't help but feel bad. “I'm sorry Jonah. You've been nothing but great to me and I just haven't been able to accept it.”

Jonah leaned forward in his seat. “Is it because of your last relationship?”

At the sheer mention of Joshua I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Jonah hastily got up and sat next to me. He wiped the tear from my eye and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“Hey” he said in a soothing tone. “Don't cry”

“I'm sorry” I tried to stop myself.

“Why are you sorry?” He rubbed his hand up and down my arm to comfort me.

“I don't want you to think I'm crying because I miss him or anything.” I cleared my throat and collected myself.

“Lynn, even if you did, it's okay. I understand you were with him for a while.”

“I really don't have feelings for him anymore. I just hate what he's done to me.” I said while shaking my head. 

“You're such an amazing guy and it's taken me this long to realize it. Because of Joshua I always see the worst in people. He always got mad at me for speaking my mind. And he always had a motive behind everything he did.” I turned so my knees were folded in Jonah's lap.

Jonah sat quietly listening to what I had to say. “After getting to know you, I'm starting to realize that not every guy is the same. You just have to be patient with me.”

Jonah pushed my hair out of my face and behind my ear. “Don't worry about me, Lynn. I'll wait for you as long as I have to.”