808s and HeartBreaks

“Connor, we need to talk.”

My hands were sweating as I tugged at them nervously. I was standing outside of Connor's apartment after my night with Jonah. My conscious was eating me alive the entire night. I knew what happened between Jonah and I was wrong, but telling Connor would only be the right thing to do. I had to put my big girl panties on and tell him the truth. And I mean the truth about everything.

“You know my flight is in a few hours, right?” Connor's hand was placed behind his head as he moved aside to let me in.

“I know, but this can't wait.” I walked in and paced back and forth in the living room. I'd been up all night and most of the morning trying to find the right way to break it to him. I'd come up with a whole spiel and perfected it on my way over. But, somehow, now that I was standing in front of him I'd suddenly forgotten everything.

Connor folded his arms and stared at me, confused. “Is everything okay?”

I stopped pacing and stood in the middle of the room. “Last night, as I was walking home, Jonah invited me over to his office to watch the soccer game we missed.” I stammered on my words. I was still unsure if I was going to tell the long or short version of the story.

Connor's brows furrowed, he could see where this was going. “Okay.” He said in a stern voice.

I suddenly felt a shortness of breath. “I'm just so irritated with the way you've been treating me. I get that you have the right to be mad, but Jesus, Connor, you don't have to shut me out completely!”

“Lynn” Connor's lightly tanned Irish skin began turning red. “What happened?” He spoke slow and firm.

“There's more times you've made me feel like the worst person ever than the best. We can't move forward if we keep having this pent up resentment towards each other. This is exactly why I couldn't tell you I love you.”

“Will you answer my damn question?” His voice was so loud I felt my body quiver as I took a step back. “What happened?” He asked again, this time in the same slow and firm tone as before.

I stared Connor straight in the eyes. “We...”

He held his hand up making me stop mid-sentence. We both stood in complete silence.

Connor sat down in the chair next to him and covered his face with his hands. “Why the fuck does this shit keep happening to me?” He angrily mumbled to himself.

I crouched down on the floor, trying to come between his sight line. But instead he closed his eyes. I felt a pain strike me from the inside. It was gut wrenching and no matter how much I bent forward, it wasn't going away. There was a wave of heat that hit my face, like I was on fire. I couldn't believe my careless action could cause Connor so much pain.

“It meant nothing” I pleaded, placing my hand on his knee. He pushed it away and finally looked at me.

His piercing blue eyes were glazed as he inhaled a sharp breath and spoke softly. “He was the reason you left me on our first date. He was the reason you wanted to take it slow. He was the reason you couldn't tell me you love me. And now you're honestly going to tell me it was nothing?”

“Connor” I whispered as a trail of tears flooded my eyes.

“I thought I was in a different place with you. For the first time in a long time I saw a future with someone.” He spoke gently.

“We can work through this. We just need time and mutual understanding”

“I'm tired of working it out to only have it not work out.”

“What is that suppose to mean?” I asked as I tried to wipe my tears.

“I'm not what you want, and you can't give me what I need. I don't think we should be together.”

“You're breaking up with me?” I knew the thread of our relationship was running out, but I didn't think it would just end like this. I wishfully thought it would've been more amicable.

He sighed and stood up from his chair. His hands rubbed the back of his head again before he slid them into his pocket. “I think you should leave, Lynn.”

“You're breaking up with me?” I asked again, throwing my hands to the floor like a petulant child who wasn't getting their way.

He looked down at me with an emotionless face. It hurt more than if he'd gotten angry and threw a tantrum.

I slowly stood up and walked past him to the doorway. As I was leaving he called out for me. I turned around to find him staring straight into my eyes. For a moment I thought we could talk it out and leave on better terms. But, instead, in a soft and gentle voice he asked for his key. I pulled it out of my pocket and placed it on the kitchen counter before walking out.

The next thing I knew I was in my apartment. I couldn't remember how I'd gotten there, but my throbbing feet were telling me I walked miles from Connor's place back to mine. I was so emotionally fucked I couldn't even think straight.

I sat quietly on my couch with my legs tucked into my chest. I stared at my phone as it vibrated on the coffee table. I'd missed random calls and text messages, but I couldn't find the strength to reach forward.

As frustrated with Connor as I'd been lately, I couldn't help but sympathize with him. I'd known how terribly he was hurt by his previous relationships and yet, I did the same thing. I was no different than those other girls who I thought were so heartless.

I was angry that I let things go so far with Jonah. Even though he initiated it, I allowed him to continue. I didn't stop him when I should have. I let my emotions take the best of me. And now I was left sitting alone in my apartment with the heavy burden of guilt.

Time was passing slowly as I went through a stage of emotions, one after the next, until I fell asleep.

I eventually woke up to the sound of long, ear piercing, honks coming from the street below. Apparently an old drunk had planted himself in the middle of the street and refused to move. Oh, New York. I love you, but hate you at the same time.

I finally reached over to check my phone. My stomach growled loudly as I moved. I hadn't eaten anything since dinner the night before. I looked at the time and realized that I had to hurry up if I wanted to grab something to eat before everything closed for the night.

I was wearing jeans and a loose V-neck shirt, that was now completely wrinkled. I threw on a cardigan hoping it would make me more presentable. I looked into the mirror hanging next to the front door and realized the cardigan was doing nothing for my face. It was red and puffy with subtle streaks of tear lines.

I rolled my eyes and proceeded down the stairwell. I was craving Chipotle. It was mine and Kadie's go-to when we were dealing with life kicking us in the ass. There was absolutely nothing that could make me feel better than an over stuffed burrito.

Unfortunately for me, the closest one was a few blocks away. I cut through streets and alleys hoping to find a quicker way there.

As I was approaching the last block I saw a venue over flowing with people. It was a typical scene. Matter of fact the place looked like ten other venues on the block. But, what caught my eye about this crowd was the guy dressed in a pair of expensive looking jeans with a dress shirt tucked in. He was dressed to the nines while everyone else around him was wearing Converses, skinny jeans, and band t-shirts.

The back of his head looked so familiar to me. He turned around and I felt like an idiot for not recognizing him earlier. “Jebrone!” I called out from a distance. He didn't hear me. The doors of the venue were propped open, spilling out the live music onto the street.

I scurried across the street and nudged his shoulder. “Jebrone!”

He turned around, irritated, assuming I was a passer-byer that bumped into him. His expression quickly turned into happiness when he saw it was me. “Lynn!” He sprawled out his arms to give me a hug. It was so tight, he was practically picking me up. “Are you here for the concert?” he shouted over the loud, pounding, 808 drum.

I shook my head “No, I was just grabbing dinner” I pointed down the street at Chipotle.

He looked down at his Tag Heuer watch. “A little late for dinner isn't it?” Just then a car drove past us, shining it's headlights on my face. “Oh my God, Lynn. Are you okay? Have you been crying?” He grabbed my shoulders as he asked.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Connor and I broke up. Things are a mess, but I really don't want to talk about it right now.”

“Are you sure?” Jebrone asked, “because I can totally ditch this joint if you need me.”

“That's sweet, but yes, I'm sure.” I managed to forcefully use every muscle in my body to fake a half smile. “What are you doing here any way? You look so out of place.”

Jebrone stood beside me, facing the venue, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I'm here scooping out a talent for my label.” He pointed to a young guy who was standing in the center of a small crowd. People were approaching him for autographs and pictures. A girl in her older 20's stood off to the side monitoring everyone.

“Liz! Dan!” Jebrone called out for them “Hey, Dan. Come here!” As they walked over he introduced us. “Lynn, this is Daniel. This is his first mini-tour in America. And this is Elizabeth, she's Daniel's manager.” Daniel held out his hand to shake mine.

“It's a pleasure, Lynn” Unlike Elizabeth, who had an American accent, Daniel had a very prominent South London accent. I hesitantly shook his hand, trying to remember why I was having deja vu.

Then it occurred to me, “Didn't I meet you at Poppy Leroux's dinner party?”

Pride and Prejudice

“I think that's everything”

Connor looked around his apartment. He liked to be prepared for his trips. There was still another 48 hours before he'd be leaving to the Asian continent for a two week charity event.

“You're so weird” I mumbled under my breath. Zipping up his suitcase, I hauled it to the side of the living room.

“What?” Connor smirked. “It's crucial to pack everything when you go to a third world country.” He said matter-of-factly.

I brushed my shoulder against his chest as I walked by, hoping it would ignite a reaction for him to finally wrap his arms around me. Instead, I got nothing. I knew I needed to give him his space, but I'd forgotten what his warmth felt like and I was yearning for it.

I rolled my eyes and reciprocated his smile, pretending everything was okay, before I laid down on Connor's couch.

I was exhausted from running around the city. Since Connor still had work to tend to I made it my mission to find him everything on his list of things he needed for his trip. It was my way of proving to him I was still an amazing girlfriend despite the, very serious, fact that I didn't say 'I love you' back and wanted closure from a recent ex, with whom I'm choosing to maintain a friendship with. I guess you could say my summer vacation was starting out brilliantly.

His smile vanished as he sat in the chair across from me. Stretching his arms over his head, he seemed weary. There was a silence that filled the air. A week prior, I would have been worried, wondering what was wrong. But, since then, silence had become a regular tenant in our relationship. The night Jonah and I finally called a truce, I went back to Connor's place to apologize for my behavior. The thing I like about us, is that we're both so passionate. We're always getting into small arguments that mean nothing. It was just our way of knowing that the other felt strongly about a matter. A simple apology would take place and we'd be over it faster than a Kardashian marriage. But, something felt off about this time. Connor accepted my apology half-heartedly and had barely spoken to me since. Our conversations were suddenly shortened. Laughter was faked. And smiles were just a way to avoid conversations about how things weren't the same anymore.

“Are you excited?” I asked. Connor's attention snapped from the ceiling to me.

“Yeah” he nodded. His eyes slowly traced back their path to the ceiling. “It's a lot of different emotions, really.”

“I bet” I turned over on my back and placed my hands behind my head. I could see, from my peripheral, Connor looking back down at the silhouette of my body. His eyes lingered for a moment before he stood up from his chair. I felt a fuzzy feeling growing on the inside. I sucked in my cheeks to hid my smile. I was finally getting the physical attention from Connor that I'd been longing for. I began slowly arcing my back to entice him. I finally looked over at him. Our eyes stared back at each other.

And right then he made a bee line for the kitchen.

I sighed, defeated, and dropped my back down.

He yawned as he reached for a bottle of water. “I'm so exhausted. I can't believe it's already 11”

That was my cue. Every night this week he'd found some way to go to bed early. It was obvious he was only doing it so I'd go back home for the night.

I covered my face with my hands and mentally envisioned myself screaming. Why was I taking this behavior from Connor? At first I took it because I put myself in his shoes. I knew what I'd done was wrong. But, wasn't a week of torture enough? I picked up my things, said good bye, and walked out the door before waiting for his response.

I got off the subway on a random stop. I found myself staring at the pavement as I walked down a poorly lit street. Walking around aimlessly always seemed to help me clear my thoughts. There was still a couple of restaurants opened. I watched as people held onto their bags of leftovers and climbed into their cabs.

The vibrations from my phone jolted me back to reality. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw a text from Jonah. I smiled as I read it.

Did you watch today's game? Finally getting a chance to catch it. These refs are dirty...

Since we're both soccer enthusiast, we'd been texting each other occasionally about the recent FIFA games. Something I hadn't been able to do with Connor. He was more of a baseball guy.

Nope! Running errands for Connor, so I missed it.

Quick response. You must not be with him?

You're a smart man. Currently wandering around the 40^th block.

You're just a few streets away. I'm at the office. Swing by and we can watch the game.

I stared at my phone in hesitation. With the feelings I was recently having towards Connor, and my freshly resurrected relationship with Jonah, I didn't know if this was a good idea. But, I responded any way and told him I was headed over.

I turned the corner of the street and headed down a couple of blocks. The building where Jonah worked had tight security 24 hours a day. So, he came outside to meet me, letting the guards know I was with him.

“So, do we hug, or handshake?” Jonah asked as he wiggled his hand. His face was scrunched in confusion.

“Oh, I don't know.” This was definitely going to take some getting use to.

Jonah held out his hand with his palm facing me. “Here, how bout a hand hug?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “Sounds fair” I placed my palm against his and we wrapped our thumbs around each others hands. It was so ridiculous we couldn't help but laugh.

“Shall we?” Jonah gestured for me to walk into the elevator with him. We rode up to the 16^th floor where his new office was. “So, Connor's not going to care you're here, right?” He said softly as we waited for the doors to open.

I looked over at him surprised. “I'm my own woman. I don't need his permission.” I said in a stern voice. It wasn't that I was irritated with the question, more so with hearing Connor's name.

“Aw, snap” Jonah sang in a funny accent. We walked out of the elevators as he pulled out his badge from his pocket. He scanned it, causing the double doors in front of us to open.

“Wow” I gasped as we walked into the hallway. There were stacks of posters and signs with Jonah's name on it. The hallway was lined with pieces that would soon be apart of the new show's set.

“Pretty weird, innit?” He grimaced as he walked past a life sized framed picture of himself. It was an ad for his new show with a tentative starting month. “I hate walking down here”

“Are you kidding?” I stood back and stared at the poster. “This is amazing. I would love to have my face plastered everywhere.”

Jonah laughed as he continued to walk down the hall. “You wanna see the set?”

“Uh, duh!” I scurried behind him as he opened another set of double doors. We were standing in a dark room until he pulled the curtains back exposing the main stage. “This is so unreal” I whispered loud enough for him to hear.

“I'm thinking I want my introduction to be Carson-esque. Something like, “Hereeeeeeeeeee's Jonah!'” He walked out from the curtains and pretended to swing a golf club. “Not sure how well it'll go over with legal though” He joked.

“Not well, I'm sure.” I walked past him, taking in the view, knowing damn well this would be the only time I'd be on a TV set in front of a camera (even if it wasn't actually on). Everything was still under construction, but it was easy to see where everything would be. To my right was where Jonah's desk would be. The left was the band stand. And straight in front of us, behind a row of cameras, was the audience. The auditorium style seating area looked large, but only a few rows of chairs had been installed. Everything else was covered in clear tarp.

“Come here!” Jonah called out, startling me. I looked over to see him sitting in the audience section. I tip toed over wires, shimmied past cameras, and made my way up the stairs to where Jonah was. “You wanna see something cool?” He asked as I walked down the aisle and sat next to him. I was briefly distracted by how comfortable the chairs were. They looked a lot stiffer.

“What? Like this wasn't enough?” I pointed around the room. “This is all yours.”

Jonah pulled out his phone from his pocket and began calling someone. “Hey, go to my office and plug my laptop into the main screen wires. I'm on set.” A few seconds later he hung up the phone.

“There's people still here?” I asked curiously.

“Yeah, it's normal for some of us to stay late, or some times even overnight, to work out the kinks of the show. Comes with the territory I guess.” As he was talking a huge screen, next to Jonah's desk, that I thought was a wall, turned on. It caught me by surprise. Jonah smiled at my expression. “You have to admit, this is probably the best possible way to watch the game.”

“I honestly can't handle how awesome this is.” I scooted forward in my chair and watched.

We cheered, and cursed, and kicked and screamed until the game was over. We'd only watched the last thirty minutes. But, for those thirty minutes I'd completely forgotten about my problems with Connor. Until Jonah and I were left to sit in silence. It's like when a certain scent reminds you of a memory. Lately silence had been reminding me of Connor.

The tension in my face grew and Jonah was quick to notice. “What's wrong?” He laughed, not knowing why my mood had suddenly changed.

“Huh?” I snapped back and shook the expression from my face. “Oh, nothing.”

“That face was screaming more than 'nothing'”

I sighed. I wouldn't have said anything, but I left like I needed to vent. With Sarah and Henry being out of town and Kadie busy with her new project, I felt like I didn't have anyone to talk to. So, when Jonah asked, I didn't think twice. I had a classic case of word vomit.

“Things aren't working out with Connor.” I turned away, hoping that it would help if I wasn't looking directly at Jonah. “We're just at two different places. He wants way more from me than I can offer. I'm trying so hard to make it work, but I just don't feel like the same person anymore. I've gone into oblivion.”

Jonah sat quietly. He began to speak, but then stopped, choosing his words wisely. “Is it worth it? I mean, do you see it going anywhere?”

“I did.” I slightly turned myself back towards him. “I thought I could see a future with him. And then he told me he loved me.” Jonah raised his eyebrows. “But, I just couldn't find myself to say it back to him. I don't know if I ever will. He's a great guy, but I think I'm finally realizing that I was overcompensating his good qualities with his faults.”

“That's deep” Jonah half whispered. “I think you should talk to him.”

I looked over at him, wondering if he was serious. “Not just for your benefit?”

“Lynn” He cupped his hands over mine. “It sounds to me like you aren't happy. And honestly, I really do just want you to be happy. Even if it's working out your problems with Connor.”

“Really?”

Jonah leaned in towards me. We were both staring down at our hands that were laying one over the other. “You honestly want to know what I want?” He whispered. Before I could say anything his hands let go of mine. They were suddenly wrapped around my face, pulling me in closer to him as he kissed me. And my first reaction wasn't to pull away.

 

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For those of you interested in a Book Club for the summer, We will be starting one soon! For more details head over to http://ramblingsofaserialrambler.blogspot.com/ 

Truce

“Is everything okay?”

Jonah asked as he watched me leave Connor's apartment. I stood with my face against the door as I gently closed it. After everything that happened with Connor that night, and my unexplainable behavior, Jonah was the last person I wanted to see. He had been standing down the hall outside of Dina's doorway. There was a tall olive skinned girl with dark luscious hair standing in front of him. She looked a lot like Dina. Maybe her sister, or cousin.

I sniffled and cleared my throat. “Yeah, I'm fine.” I said in that deep voice you use when everything isn't okay. I collected myself once more before I headed towards the elevator. I could see Jonah in my peripheral watching before he pulled the girl aside and did a slow jog towards me.

“Hey” he said softly as he tugged at my shoulder.

I flinched away. “Really Jonah?” My sharp voice caused him to hold up his hands as he took a step back.

“I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You don't look so good.” His apologetic tone grew quiet.

I covered my face with my hand, shaking it back and forth, before I sighed. “I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me.” I took a deep breath. “I'm fine, really.” I faked a half smile and proceeded to the elevator.

Jonah stood in place for a few seconds before he turned back to Dina's apartment. I pushed the button for the elevator and waited. The girl standing outside walked into the apartment and he followed behind. Just as he was about to close the door, I called for him.

He peeked over the door, questioningly. “I could use some coffee. You wanna join me?” I asked as the elevator door slid open.

“Are you sure?” The look on his face turned into concern. His eyes jolted towards Connor's door.

“Yeah” I nodded my head.”Of course.”

He gestured for me to wait as he grabbed his keys off a nearby table. A few seconds later we were on an awkwardly silent elevator ride down to the main lobby. I knew I needed to talk to Jonah about everything that had been going on, but I didn't know how to bring it up. We continued walking onto the street and down the corner to a tiny little coffee shop. I laughed, on the inside, as I realized it was the same shop I'd spent the night talking to Jonah's sister, Casey.

As we approached the shop, a couple walking down the street stopped Jonah. “Oh my God, honey, that's Jonah Cohen!” The young girl said to her boyfriend. “Congratulations on the show! Do you mind if we get a picture?”

Jonah smiled at them, “Of course not” I watched from the sidelines as the three of them took a selfie.

“You're going to do amazing!” the girl cooned.

“Yeah, we can't wait for the show to start!” Her boyfriend said in equal excitement.

“Thanks, that means a ton!” Jonah said before they walked away.

“So, is this a thing now?” I asked in a whisper.

“I hope not.” He whispered back while holding the door to the coffee shop open for me.

The weather in the City was finally enjoyable, so we ordered our drinks and took a seat outside. “So...” Jonah looked around at the people walking by.

“So...” I responded. Neither one of us knew what to say. “Was that a relative of Dina's I saw?”

Jonah nodded his head. “Her sister. She came by to grab some stuff from Casey.” I knew she looked eerily familiar. Besides a few distinctions they could of been twins.

A moment of silence flooded over our conversation again.

“Is everything okay?” Jonah asked. “I mean, with you and...” his eyebrows twitched. I stared at him for a second before I responded.

“Yeah it's fine.” I shrugged my shoulders “Just a rough patch.” I smiled, sheepishly. “You know how those are.” I said rhetorically, but for some reason Jonah decided to answer.

“No, I don't” He sang back in a slightly joking manner. “I'm sorry for what I said that morning. I feel so stupid. I knew you were with someone and I shouldn't have put that thought in your head. It just slipped.”

“It's fine, really.” I shook my head. “It didn't bother me. I think I was more upset by the way you left. Without explanation.”

Jonah rubbed the back of his neck before he sighed. “I'm not gonna lie. It was kinda hard seeing you with him that night.” His eyes jolted up “Not that I'm not happy for you or anything. It's just...you know...”

“No I don't know...”

“I was just expecting-”

I cut Jonah off abruptly, “You were just expecting what? For me to wait for you?” I waited for Jonah to respond, but he stayed quiet.

“Well you did move on kinda fast” He said in a sarcastic tone under his breath.

“What?” I sat up straight, leaning over the table. “I didn't expect to meet Connor and fall for him the way I did.” I caught myself off guard as I spoke those words out loud. It was verbal confirmation on how I knew I felt, but just needed to hear out loud. “You left without knowing when you'd be back. We gave each other our blessings, Jonah. You can't honestly tell me you're surprised.”

“I was just expecting for things to be normal between us.” His voice was slightly louder, as if to correct me. I slouched back into my chair waiting to hear what he had to say. “Put the romantic aspect of it aside, what we had” His hand gestured between the two of us, “meant everything to me.”

A part of me melted over his words because I felt the same way. No matter where we were going in our lives I always hoped we'd remain friends. There was this connection between us that was unexplainable and on a different level. “Jonah, you'll always be my friend no matter what.” My fingers intertwined one another as I wrapped them around my cup. “I think we just need to figure out how to make this work.”

“It's not the same, Lynn” Jonah shook his head. “I can't treat you the way I did. It's different now.”

“It doesn't have to be.”

“Yeah, and how do you think your boyfriend's going to feel about that?” Jonah mocked my posture and leaned over on the table. “You really think he's going to enjoy you spending time with me?”

“Why wouldn't he?” I squinted my eyes, questioningly. “It's not like you're giving him a reason otherwise.” Trying to lighten the mood, I bite my tongue and smiled, teasing Jonah.

“Oh, ho, okay.” He leaned off the table. “I see how it is.” He stuck out his hand for a shake. “Let's just call it a truce then.”

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Don't forget to check out my personal blog http://ramblingsofaserialrambler.blogspot.com/

Breaking Point

“Well??” Jaime shouted in suspense. “What did you tell him after he confessed his love for you?”

The night before Connor came over to my place to celebrate my school year ending. Whether it was planned or not, he ended up dropping the L bomb. The night had gone down hill so fast that the only way for a pick me up was going to brunch with Jaime the next afternoon.

“I didn't tell him anything.” I poked at my waffles. My head rested on my fist. I was emotionally drained.

Jaime pretended to choke on his coffee. “Wait, what?” He put his cup down and gave me a stern look. “The Greek God in the shape of a man you've been shagging for the last few months finally tells you he loves you and you give him nothing? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Leave it to Jaime to put it nicely.

“I didn't completely leave him hanging, J.” I put down my fork and stared back at him.

“Well...” Jaime shrugged his shoulders waiting for my response.

“There was an awkward moment of silence. So, I grabbed his face and rushed into a kiss.”

“Oh, my, God” He mumbled slowly as his hands slid from his head, over his eyes, and down to his mouth.

“Ugh, Jaime.” I moaned. “You don't understand. Old Lynn would have said 'I love you' back to him without thinking about it, just to make him happy.”

“Who the hell is old Lynn, and why isn't she here?” He threw up his hands, asking rhetorically.

“You really think I should have said it to him?” I folded my arms and sat back in my chair.

Jaime sighed when he saw the look on my face.“I know I'm being a little harsh on you. But, imagine what you're putting him through. He's trying hard to make it work with you and you can't even tell him how you properly feel.”

“It's not that I don't love him. It's just” I stopped to choose my words “I don't know if I have everything figured out yet.”

“Well if you want my advice” Jaime pulled out his wallet as a waitress approached our table. I tried to stop him from paying for my meal, but he hushed me by putting his hand up and giving his card to the waitress. I lipped thank you to him as he continued talking. “Figure out what you want as soon as possible. It's not fair to leave him hanging.”

Our waitress came back to have Jaime sign the receipt. We grabbed our things before we walked out of the restaurant. Jaime was on his way to his shift at the hospital so we said our goodbyes.

I was a couple blocks away from Kadie's place and decided to stop by. It gave me some time to think on my walk over to her place.

“Lynn!” Adam greeted me as he opened the door. “You're just in time. Kadie and I were about to start a Game of Thrones marathon.”

“Hey Lynn” Kadie came prancing out of her room. She looked happier than usual.

“Hey!” I smiled back. “You look like you've got a pep in your step” I winked at her as she pretended to shy away.

“I finally got a call from Eva.” She smiled so big she began covering her mouth with her hands. Her eyes kept shooting back to Adam.

“Oh my God! That's awesome!” I put my things down on the counter and leaned against it.

“I told her I'm not coming back.” She couldn't keep her excitement in. She was bursting at the seams. I stared at her with a blank express. “Well after we talked....” She looked over at Adam and grabbed his arm. “Adam and I looked into opening our own PR company. And I think we're going to go for it!”

“That's amazing, K!” I was genuinely surprised. Kadie had always been an ambitious person, but this was a huge step she was taking. “Are you sure y'all will be able to do it?”

“Well” Kadie's voice went down four octaves. “Adam has tons of contacts and clients that would follow him. And I have enough experience in the event industry. Plus, I haven't completely burned my bridge with Eva.”

“I'm so happy for you guys” I leaned in and gave them both a hug at the same time.

We parked ourselves in their living room. Kadie and Adam already had snacks put out on the coffee table. They didn't play around when it came to binge watching TV shows.

Four episodes into the marathon I decided to call it quits. Connor had been working that day and I wanted to head over to his place by the time he'd get home.

I decided that in order to tell Connor how I really felt, I needed to clear things up with Jonah. I wasn't sure how Connor would react. But, I finally mustered up the courage to talk to him about it.

–-------

“Hi” I greeted him as I walked into his apartment. He gave me a weak smile. It'd been awkward since the night he was at my place.

I followed him into his bedroom where he was putting some of his things together for his trip. I sat on his bed and watched him walk across the room. “How was your day” I asked, trying to make things seem as normal as possible.

“It was okay” Connor paced back and forth. He seemed like he wasn't fully there.

“So I wanted to talk to you about something.” I quietly said as I fiddled with my fingers. I knew what I was about to say wouldn't make Connor happy. “I feel like now that Jonah's in town I really need to get some closure with him.”

Connor's back was to me. He had been going through a bag of things, but stopped suddenly when he'd heard what I said. I saw his chest rise and fall before he continued doing what ever it was he was doing.

“Okay” Connor said in a low tone. Still leaving his back turned towards me.

I was shocked by his response. He didn't even try to question it. “What do you mean, 'okay'?” I asked peevingly.

He finally turned around. Avoiding eye contact, he walked over to the stack of clothes sitting next to me. I placed my hand over the stack, forcing them down, until Connor finally looked at me.

“Do I want you to see him? No. But, I got my closure from Colleen before we started dating, so it would only be fair...” He moved my hand off the stack of clothes and picked them up.

A taunting emotion came over me that I was unfamiliar with. I felt irritated that I wasn't getting a reaction out of Connor. It was almost as if his irrational behavior would give me the confirmation I needed. I could see that he was holding back. So, I intentionally pushed him for no reason.

“So you're telling me you're okay with me going to meet Jonah, by myself, to talk? Aren't you afraid something might happen?” I knew what I was doing was wrong. But, I still couldn't stop myself.

“Well then let it fucking happen, Lynn” Connor's voice grew louder “At least you'll be with someone you love, right?”

“There it is!” I crossed my legs as Connor and I stared at each other.

“This is what you wanted?” He said angrily. “Well, here it is! I'm doing everything you want me to and I still can't seem to get your respect. I'm giving you everything, Lynn, and it's getting exhausting.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He let out a deep breath to calm himself.

“I really just need some time to myself.” Connor's voice was low again.

I immediately felt remorseful. I couldn't figure out what I wanted and I was unconsciously taking it out on him. I made Connor go to a place emotionally that I didn't want him to be in. His words had strung and set me back into place.

“Connor” I covered my mouth. It was as if I was just realizing what happened. “I'm so sorry” I stood up from the bed and walked towards him. He held up his hands and backed away.

“I think you should leave.” His voice barely whispered.

Celebrate Good Times

***Don't forget to check out my personal blog  http://ramblingsofaserialrambler.blogspot.com/ Enjoy today's double feature!"***

“Is it really over?”

Sarah, Henry, and I stood outside of our classroom after we'd given our last exam.

“It's...over” I whispered. We stared at the floor with our brows furrowed. Breathing heavily as if we'd been holding air in our lungs. The realization slowly came over us. We turned to one another. The smile on our faces growing rapidly.

“It's over!” Sarah squealed as she jumped with joy. Henry and I followed, the three of us eventually ending up in a hug.

The double doors behind us opened slightly. We turned around to find our professor's assistant glaring at us. “There are students still testing. Please keep it down.” She whispered in a nasal tone. We giggled at each other and scurried out of the building.

“No more study sessions, no more late night cramming, no more early morning classes!” I spread my arms and looked up at the sky. It was like I was seeing it for the first time. I never remembered it being so blue. Maybe this is what freedom looked like?

As we approached the end of the street Sarah and Henry's driver pulled up to the curb. The two of them stood by the door, each waiting to say good bye. “Are you sure you don't need a ride?” Sarah asked.

“No, it's fine. You two should get going”

“I'm gonna miss you, Lynn!” Sarah wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. Sarah and Henry were leaving for London the next morning and wouldn't be back until the end of summer “Please, come visit us!”

“Oh” Sarah had practically pounced on me. I took a step back to catch my balance. “I'm going to miss you guys, too! I'll try my hardest to visit.”

“You promise?” Henry asked as he pushed Sarah away to give me a hug.

“I promise!” I gave him a good squeeze before they both jumped into the SUV. We said our final goodbyes as they drove away.

It felt so surreal knowing I wouldn't have to be on campus for the next couple of months. I'd been so consumed with school I didn't even know what to do with myself.

I grabbed a snack from a street vendor and headed on my way back to the apartment. First thing was first, I gathered all my books and hid them in the back of my closet. The sight of them made me shudder on a normal school night. I didn't even want to know the reaction I'd have if I'd seen them while on vacation.

I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning and taking a shower. It wasn't until the late evening when I'd gotten a call from Connor. He wanted to celebrate my year ending and asked if he could stop by.

“Congratulations!” He yelled as I opened the front door. He was still in his dress shirt and slacks from work with a bottle of champagne in hand. “You've officially finished your first year of med school!” His arms wrapped around me and carried me in, closing the door behind us.

I pulled out a couple of glasses and met Connor on the couch. He popped the champagne bottle open and poured it out. We clinked our glasses before he pulled my legs over his lap. I nestled myself into his shoulder. It was exactly where I wanted to be after a long and exhausting week.

“So, how does it feel?” Connor asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“It feels...amazing!” I leaned in a gave him a kiss “Do you remember your first year?”

“Oh God.” Connor stared off in the distance, as if the memories flowed back to him. “It was bad, but it wasn't the worst. At least you'll have summer to recuperate.”

“I know!” I happily cheered. “I can finally catch up on all those things I've been wanting to do since I've moved here.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Like...going running in Central Park.”

Connor's head fell back as he laughed out loud.

“What?” I pushed his shoulder teasingly.

“What else?”

“I don't know. Maybe go back home for a few days.” I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head. “Sarah and Henry invited me to visit them in London, who knows where the summer will take me.”

Connor smiled. “Well, I have some good news of my own.” I straightened my posture and looked over at Connor, giving my full attention. “The charity project me and the other doctors have been working on has finally gotten approved.”

“Oh my God! Congratulations!” I gave him in hug. The last few weeks Connor and his colleagues had been working endless hours trying to get the detailing right. I was so happy they'd finally gotten everything figured out and impressed with how passionate he was about the project. “So, give me the details!”

“Well” Connor cleared his throat. “It's going to be a two week long project.”

“Okay” I nodded my head. “Go on...”

He looked at me before he sat up, putting his drink on the coffee table. “And I'm leaving next week.”

I stared at him for a second. I had known Connor's charity work was going to take him on a trip to Asia, but I didn't think it would happen until much later.“That's so soon” I tried to sound excited, but it didn't come off that way.

“I know, it's the only time that worked for all the sponsors. I didn't think it would happen so fast either.” He said apologetically.

“I'm sorry, Connor. I should be way more excited. This is such an amazing opportunity. You've got a kind soul, my dear.” I leaned in and gave him a kiss. Connor took the glass from my hand and put it on the coffee table. He pushed me back onto the couch as his body climbed over mine.

He began kissing me from my jaw down to the base of my neck. “I'm going to miss you.” He mumbled in between kisses. “I wish you could come with me”

When Connor first told me about his project I considered going with him. I thought it would be a great experience and would help to shape me as a future doctor. But, since he was leaving so soon we both knew it wouldn't be enough time for me to get my paper work and shots in time.

I grabbed his face with both my hands and pulled him up until we were eye to eye. “I'm going to miss you too. But, what you're doing is heroic. You're going to be helping so many people. Those two weeks are going to fly by before you know it.” I smiled reassuringly.

Connor's eyes stared straight back at me. “I...” He paused for a moment before he spoke again. “I love you, Lynn.”

My heart stopped for a moment and I'm pretty sure I forgot to breath. I tried to say something, but it wasn't coming out. Did he really just say what I think he did?