Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Pride and Prejudice

“I think that's everything”

Connor looked around his apartment. He liked to be prepared for his trips. There was still another 48 hours before he'd be leaving to the Asian continent for a two week charity event.

“You're so weird” I mumbled under my breath. Zipping up his suitcase, I hauled it to the side of the living room.

“What?” Connor smirked. “It's crucial to pack everything when you go to a third world country.” He said matter-of-factly.

I brushed my shoulder against his chest as I walked by, hoping it would ignite a reaction for him to finally wrap his arms around me. Instead, I got nothing. I knew I needed to give him his space, but I'd forgotten what his warmth felt like and I was yearning for it.

I rolled my eyes and reciprocated his smile, pretending everything was okay, before I laid down on Connor's couch.

I was exhausted from running around the city. Since Connor still had work to tend to I made it my mission to find him everything on his list of things he needed for his trip. It was my way of proving to him I was still an amazing girlfriend despite the, very serious, fact that I didn't say 'I love you' back and wanted closure from a recent ex, with whom I'm choosing to maintain a friendship with. I guess you could say my summer vacation was starting out brilliantly.

His smile vanished as he sat in the chair across from me. Stretching his arms over his head, he seemed weary. There was a silence that filled the air. A week prior, I would have been worried, wondering what was wrong. But, since then, silence had become a regular tenant in our relationship. The night Jonah and I finally called a truce, I went back to Connor's place to apologize for my behavior. The thing I like about us, is that we're both so passionate. We're always getting into small arguments that mean nothing. It was just our way of knowing that the other felt strongly about a matter. A simple apology would take place and we'd be over it faster than a Kardashian marriage. But, something felt off about this time. Connor accepted my apology half-heartedly and had barely spoken to me since. Our conversations were suddenly shortened. Laughter was faked. And smiles were just a way to avoid conversations about how things weren't the same anymore.

“Are you excited?” I asked. Connor's attention snapped from the ceiling to me.

“Yeah” he nodded. His eyes slowly traced back their path to the ceiling. “It's a lot of different emotions, really.”

“I bet” I turned over on my back and placed my hands behind my head. I could see, from my peripheral, Connor looking back down at the silhouette of my body. His eyes lingered for a moment before he stood up from his chair. I felt a fuzzy feeling growing on the inside. I sucked in my cheeks to hid my smile. I was finally getting the physical attention from Connor that I'd been longing for. I began slowly arcing my back to entice him. I finally looked over at him. Our eyes stared back at each other.

And right then he made a bee line for the kitchen.

I sighed, defeated, and dropped my back down.

He yawned as he reached for a bottle of water. “I'm so exhausted. I can't believe it's already 11”

That was my cue. Every night this week he'd found some way to go to bed early. It was obvious he was only doing it so I'd go back home for the night.

I covered my face with my hands and mentally envisioned myself screaming. Why was I taking this behavior from Connor? At first I took it because I put myself in his shoes. I knew what I'd done was wrong. But, wasn't a week of torture enough? I picked up my things, said good bye, and walked out the door before waiting for his response.

I got off the subway on a random stop. I found myself staring at the pavement as I walked down a poorly lit street. Walking around aimlessly always seemed to help me clear my thoughts. There was still a couple of restaurants opened. I watched as people held onto their bags of leftovers and climbed into their cabs.

The vibrations from my phone jolted me back to reality. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw a text from Jonah. I smiled as I read it.

Did you watch today's game? Finally getting a chance to catch it. These refs are dirty...

Since we're both soccer enthusiast, we'd been texting each other occasionally about the recent FIFA games. Something I hadn't been able to do with Connor. He was more of a baseball guy.

Nope! Running errands for Connor, so I missed it.
Quick response. You must not be with him?

You're a smart man. Currently wandering around the 40th block.

You're just a few streets away. I'm at the office. Swing by and we can watch the game.

I stared at my phone in hesitation. With the feelings I was recently having towards Connor, and my freshly resurrected relationship with Jonah, I didn't know if this was a good idea. But, I responded any way and told him I was headed over.

I turned the corner of the street and headed down a couple of blocks. The building where Jonah worked had tight security 24 hours a day. So, he came outside to meet me, letting the guards know I was with him.

“So, do we hug, or handshake?” Jonah asked as he wiggled his hand. His face was scrunched in confusion.

“Oh, I don't know.” This was definitely going to take some getting use to.

Jonah held out his hand with his palm facing me. “Here, how bout a hand hug?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “Sounds fair” I placed my palm against his and we wrapped our thumbs around each others hands. It was so ridiculous we couldn't help but laugh.

“Shall we?” Jonah gestured for me to walk into the elevator with him. We rode up to the 16th floor where his new office was. “So, Connor's not going to care you're here, right?” He said softly as we waited for the doors to open.

I looked over at him surprised. “I'm my own woman. I don't need his permission.” I said in a stern voice. It wasn't that I was irritated with the question, more so with hearing Connor's name.

“Aw, snap” Jonah sang in a funny accent. We walked out of the elevators as he pulled out his badge from his pocket. He scanned it, causing the double doors in front of us to open.

“Wow” I gasped as we walked into the hallway. There were stacks of posters and signs with Jonah's name on it. The hallway was lined with pieces that would soon be apart of the new show's set.

“Pretty weird, innit?” He grimaced as he walked past a life sized framed picture of himself. It was an ad for his new show with a tentative starting month. “I hate walking down here”

“Are you kidding?” I stood back and stared at the poster. “This is amazing. I would love to have my face plastered everywhere.”

Jonah laughed as he continued to walk down the hall. “You wanna see the set?”

“Uh, duh!” I scurried behind him as he opened another set of double doors. We were standing in a dark room until he pulled the curtains back exposing the main stage. “This is so unreal” I whispered loud enough for him to hear.

“I'm thinking I want my introduction to be Carson-esque. Something like, “Hereeeeeeeeeee's Jonah!'” He walked out from the curtains and pretended to swing a golf club. “Not sure how well it'll go over with legal though” He joked.

“Not well, I'm sure.” I walked past him, taking in the view, knowing damn well this would be the only time I'd be on a TV set in front of a camera (even if it wasn't actually on). Everything was still under construction, but it was easy to see where everything would be. To my right was where Jonah's desk would be. The left was the band stand. And straight in front of us, behind a row of cameras, was the audience. The auditorium style seating area looked large, but only a few rows of chairs had been installed. Everything else was covered in clear tarp.

“Come here!” Jonah called out, startling me. I looked over to see him sitting in the audience section. I tip toed over wires, shimmied past cameras, and made my way up the stairs to where Jonah was. “You wanna see something cool?” He asked as I walked down the aisle and sat next to him. I was briefly distracted by how comfortable the chairs were. They looked a lot stiffer.

“What? Like this wasn't enough?” I pointed around the room. “This is all yours.”

Jonah pulled out his phone from his pocket and began calling someone. “Hey, go to my office and plug my laptop into the main screen wires. I'm on set.” A few seconds later he hung up the phone.

There's people still here?” I asked curiously.

Yeah, it's normal for some of us to stay late, or some times even overnight, to work out the kinks of the show. Comes with the territory I guess.” As he was talking a huge screen, next to Jonah's desk, that I thought was a wall, turned on. It caught me by surprise. Jonah smiled at my expression. “You have to admit, this is probably the best possible way to watch the game.”

I honestly can't handle how awesome this is.” I scooted forward in my chair and watched.

We cheered, and cursed, and kicked and screamed until the game was over. We'd only watched the last thirty minutes. But, for those thirty minutes I'd completely forgotten about my problems with Connor. Until Jonah and I were left to sit in silence. It's like when a certain scent reminds you of a memory. Lately silence had been reminding me of Connor.

The tension in my face grew and Jonah was quick to notice. “What's wrong?” He laughed, not knowing why my mood had suddenly changed.

Huh?” I snapped back and shook the expression from my face. “Oh, nothing.”

That face was screaming more than 'nothing'”

I sighed. I wouldn't have said anything, but I left like I needed to vent. With Sarah and Henry being out of town and Kadie busy with her new project, I felt like I didn't have anyone to talk to. So, when Jonah asked, I didn't think twice. I had a classic case of word vomit.

Things aren't working out with Connor.” I turned away, hoping that it would help if I wasn't looking directly at Jonah. “We're just at two different places. He wants way more from me than I can offer. I'm trying so hard to make it work, but I just don't feel like the same person anymore. I've gone into oblivion.”

Jonah sat quietly. He began to speak, but then stopped, choosing his words wisely. “Is it worth it? I mean, do you see it going anywhere?”

I did.” I slightly turned myself back towards him. “I thought I could see a future with him. And then he told me he loved me.” Jonah raised his eyebrows. “But, I just couldn't find myself to say it back to him. I don't know if I ever will. He's a great guy, but I think I'm finally realizing that I was overcompensating his good qualities with his faults.”

That's deep” Jonah half whispered. “I think you should talk to him.”

I looked over at him, wondering if he was serious. “Not just for your benefit?”

Lynn” He cupped his hands over mine. “It sounds to me like you aren't happy. And honestly, I really do just want you to be happy. Even if it's working out your problems with Connor.”


Jonah leaned in towards me. We were both staring down at our hands that were laying one over the other. “You honestly want to know what I want?” He whispered. Before I could say anything his hands let go of mine. They were suddenly wrapped around my face, pulling me in closer to him as he kissed me. And my first reaction wasn't to pull away.


For those of you interested in a Book Club for the summer, We will be starting one soon! For more details head over to 


  1. happy to see you back! hope you're doing well dear <3

    loved this post! I've always been team Jonah so I hope they can have a future again :)

  2. Welcome back! Loved this post. I'm so excited to see how things work out with Lynn and Jonah. :)

  3. Welcome back!
    I have to say I'm so disappointed in Lynn, it shouldn't matter how badly things are with Conner she shouldn't have let Jonah kiss her.
    and how can she not see why Conner would be upset about her friendship with Jonah, when lynn was crazy jealous over Conner having a photo his ex!? Lynn is a smaft girl but she's acting pretty selfishly.

  4. Lynn should grow up and figure things out with Connor before she starts spending time with Jonah

  5. She was upset with the photo because Connor refused to tell her anything. He was never up front, and very secretive. At least she's been honest about Jonah. And yes, we can all say that "she shouldn't let him kiss her" but she WAS in love with Jonah. Not Connor, and when that person pops back in your life, I can honestly attest to this first hand, it's easy to say "friends" and then that pull happens. But it should go no further.

    And she's right. Connor and her are in two different places, and she's covering his faults. She doesn't feel that way for him, and she should be up front about that. Like, Now.


  6. She needs to break up with Connor because she still is in love with Jonah. That is why she couldn't tell him back. She & Connor were never right for one another. It was all physical.

  7. I never, ever felt Connor and Lynn. I don't think Lynn will let this go past just a kiss with Jonah right now. But I'm glad she's starting to see her relationship with Connor clearly. It was pretty evident while she was at his place. He's still upset, but all she wanted was to get physical with him. That's not a healthy relationship and it certainly isn't going to stand the test of time.

  8. If he's staying for good, Jonah's the better choice simply because I'm pretty sure we're supposed to think she never got over him. Still, I feel like Thursday's post might start with something like "I pushed him away". Like, even though it wasn't her first thought, it was a close second and nothing even happened. lol

  9. Connor was finally starting to grow on me. I am really sad this isn't working out. But Jonah is still sweet. However, I still don't like how he left things. I'm just conflicted, y'all!

  10. Ah no! I love Connor..I have to admit im.pretty disappointed in Lynn! She needs to get her ducks in a row..
    Jonah is a pretry smooth talker, though. I can see why she secretly loves him.

    I'm so happy you are back! This was a fabulous post, as usual.

  11. If she hasn't fallen in love with Connor (and doesn't think she will), then she should break up with him. Just because she was in love with Jonah doesn't mean he'll be the only one to make her feel this way, though. I don't think it's one or the other, but it's definitely not Conner, maybe it's another, number three...

    1. Yes!!! My thoughts exactly. Jonah may not be "the one" but Connor definitely isn't. And I think he knows that.

  12. Lynn needs to break things off with Connor. She obviously is using him as second place to fill Jonah's absence.
    Otherwise, who remains friends w a guy that you tell you 'love him' and it's only been a few months that he's been gone and now he's back. Connor would've seen red & I don't blame him. Lynn saw red at a photograph - that chick wasn't even 'friends hanging out'. Grow up Lynn.

  13. Welcome back!!!! I'm so torn I like Connor a lot and I like Jonah too so I can't wait to see how this goes!!