Tuesday, July 8, 2014

The Heart Break Brigade

“Lynn, I've been calling you for the last two days. Where have you been?”

I heard Kadie's voice shouting over the phone.

I was wrapped up in the sheets of my bed. The sun was pouring in through my sheer curtains filling the room with it's warmth. I pulled the phone away from my ear to check the time. It was almost 2pm.

I'd spent the last 24 hours binge eating all the junk in my apartment, watching a marathon of House of Cards, and eventually falling into a food coma. I avoided checking my phone since the night Connor and I broke up. Our picture was still on my lock screen and I couldn't bear to look at it without being consumed with emotions all over again.

I must have unconsciously grabbed my phone and answered it while I was still half asleep. “Kadie?” I croaked.

“Yeah, of course, who else would it be?” She said angrily. “Wait, were you still sleeping? You know it's two in the afternoon, right?”

“Yes, Kadie, I realize that.” My annoyance was hard to mask at this point. “What do you want?”

“What do you mean, what do I want? I've called you a hundred times in the last 48 hours. I thought you were dead.”

“But, you didn't come to check on me?”

“Well, no. I figured you woulda found some super natural, ghost-y, way of telling me you died.”

Kadie.” It was obvious I was rolling my eyes by the tone in my voice.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“I'm not. I just. I wanted to be alone”

“You're on summer vacation and your boyfriend is out of town. You have nothing but alone time.”

A heavy sigh and a few seconds later I responded,“Connor and I broke up.”

Kadie stopped shuffling whatever papers she had in her hands. There was silence through the phone. She responded in a softer tone. “Are you being serious?”

“2 pints of Ben and Jerry's, and 10 episodes of House of Cards serious.”

“Lynn, why didn't you tell me as soon as it happened?”

“I don't know. I just needed time to myself.”

“Well, did you get it?”

“What? Uh, I guess”

I heard Kadie shuffling around papers again. “Great! I'll be there in a bit.”

“Kadie, you don-” She hung up before I could finish.

I quickly cleaned up the mess I'd made the last couple of days to avoid any sympathetic judgment and headed into the shower to make myself look at least half presentable.

“Open the door!” I heard a man's voice yell as someone banged on the door. I wasn't expecting anyone other than Kadie, so I hesitated to check.

I slowly creaked the door open. “The Heart Break Brigade is here!” Jaime shouted as he came barging in.

Kadie trailed in behind him. She was holding a bag of wine in her hand. “I brought some get well soon juice! Thought we might need it.” She held up the bottle and winked. Her voice lowered into a whisper as she nudged her head towards Jaime, “And him”

“Hey!” Jaime heard Kadie despite her effort “There's more to me then entertainment values, okay?” Kadie and I smiled as we side eyed each other. “So, when were you going to tell me, Lynn?” He asked as he hit my shoulder.

“Ow” I rubbed myself where he'd just pushed me. “I...I...I...” I stumbled to find the right words.

Jaime began mocking my stutter and crossed his arms. “You...You...You what? Were gonna wait until Barbie over here told me?”

“Hey!” Kadie yelled from across the room She was in the kitchen pulling out wine glasses for the three of us. She walked back over to the living room and we sat down on the couch.

“Like I told Kadie, I needed time to myself. I was gonna tell y'all eventually.” I held onto my glass as Kadie poured the wine.

“Well, what happened?” Kadie asked.

“Girl, please” Jaime held up his hand silencing Kadie. The look on her face was priceless. “You're not suppose to ask that.” He turned his head from her to me. “What did the motherfucker do?”

I almost did a spit take. Oh, Jaime.

He didn't do anything” The two of them watched intently as they waited for me to finish. I stopped myself and realized it wouldn't be a good idea to tell them about Jonah.

Okay....” Kadie stretched out the word as she looked back at Jaime.

He furrowed his brows. “So then what's with the depress-fest?” His hands flew up questioningly.

We...just...” I scrambled to find a valid excuse. “Weren't working out.” I quickly took a sip of my wine.

Jaime and Kadie squinted their eyes at me. “You're not telling us something.”

He did something! I know he did!” Kadie jumped back into her seat. “I told you since day one, Lynn. I had a feeling about him!” I quietly watched her as she spoke excitedly. “Didn't I tell you? Didn't I?”

Okay, Kadie.”I rolled my eyes. “'I told you so' is really not what I want to hear right now.”

What did I miss?” Jaime looked back and forth between me and Kadie.

So, then he did do something?” She stared at me for a second before she turned back to Jaime. “He used to treat her like shit before they even started dating. He use to dictate when they could see each other. He had her completely at his disposal.”

What?” Jaime said angrily as he shot a look back at me. “I can't believe I vouched for this guy! And to think I helped him out when he came to Dallas.” He shook his head. “I'm sorry, Lynn.”

I couldn't take it anymore. The more Jaime and Kadie talked, the more guilt weighed down on my body. “It was because of Jonah” I shouted over their voices. Their faces practically dropped as they looked back over to me. “I mean, our relationship was doomed. But, Jonah was the last straw.”

Neither one of them knew what to say. They sat quietly and waited for me to finish.

Connor wasn't the guy you knew before we started dating.” I said to Kadie. She silently stared back at me. “Yeah, our relationship was doomed. But, that's because we were in two different places trying to make it work. He was a great guy on paper, he just wasn't the right one for me. He wanted one thing, I wanted another. It's like two opposite ends of a magnet, as close as we tried to bring ourselves, we only managed to push ourselves away.”

There was silence in the room before Jaime broke it. “That was deep.”

So what does this have to do with Jonah?” Kadie asked.

Well...” I ran my finger around the edge of my glass.

Uh oh” Jaime sang in a whisper.

I took a big gulp of my wine before I told them about the night at Jonah's studio.

What!” They both cried in unison.

I think we uncorked this wine for the wrong person, Kadie.” Jaime said, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Guys, please. Don't make me feel even shittier than I already do.” I slumped myself between the couch cushions. “If you coulda just seen his face when I told him” My voice cracked and I quickly pinched the bridge of my nose to avoid the water works.

Oh, Lynn” Jaime got up from his seat and sat next to me, rubbing my arm. Kadie joined him.

Lynn” Her voice spoke lightly. “It's okay.”

It's not okay. I mean, I know it wasn't bound to last. We were pretty much over before it was really over. I had finally came to terms with it. I knew we weren't right for each other. But, I always thought we'd end it amicably. That we'd come to this agreement together. No harm no foul.” I took a deep breath before I continued “But then, I had to ruin everything. And I hate myself for it. I brought back the pain in his life that he'd been trying to get rid of for years. You should have seen him, Kadie.”

She tried to shush me as she wrapped me in a hug. “I know, Lynn.” She pulled herself away, but held onto my shoulders. “What happened, happened. You can't blame yourself.”

What happened with Jonah was wrong” Jaime joined in “But, maybe it happened for a reason. Maybe without it you and Connor would have continued to live a miserable life. Yeah, it was at Connor's expensive, but at least now you're not in a shitty relationship.”

Shitty doesn't even began to explain it” Kadie said to Jaime. She looked back at me “You shouldn't have to take such drastic measures to please someone. Even Adam noticed your personality change.”

Jaime shot a look at Kadie and changed the subject.“So, tell me about this night with Jonah.” He arched his eyebrows and smiled.

I forced a smile back. Even though I was still hurting, I masked my pain and continued to tell him about that night. He was trying to take my mind off the heavy conversation with some light gossip. It was a quality in Jaime I adored.

We sat and talked until the bottle of wine was empty, and then some more.

It wasn't a feeling that would go away so easily, but having Kadie and Jaime around to distract me was what I really needed.


  1. To quote the Beatles, ' I get by with a little help from my friends, I get by with a little help from my friends...' I liked this post's sadness but also its realness- Lynn's understanding that the relationship was doomed, but her guilt at the same time, and her friends' reactions- all of it is very real.

    Can't wait to read what happens to Lynn next!

  2. +10 points for the Beatles reference!

    Glad you enjoyed today's read. This comment made me happy :)

  3. This seems like the perfect reason to jet off to England. Just sayin...=]

    1. Totally agree time for a fling with a prince Harry look alike!

    2. Haha!! Lynn's gonna be on "I Wanna Marry Harry" lmao, now that would be a hilarious post! Thanks for the laughs :p

  4. I hate things ended with Connor but can't wait to see what's to come!'

  5. Lynn I'd love to tell you have my most favorite blog ever! You are consistent and stand by your promises even when I know on some days you're like "ugh fuck those bitches" haha kidding.

    But you are awesome thank you!

    1. This is so sweet! Definitely made me laugh :) I do have some shitty days sometimes but it's amazing readers like you that push me through it. I'm so glad you're enjoying the read (:

  6. I hope they pull her out of her slump! She is too good for this depression :) I love connor, but I'm kinda hoping she goes out & has a steamy, naughty, one night stand!