Thursday, February 5, 2015

To The Bride and Groom

“Don't worry. It's going to be fine, I promise!”

Jonah's hands caressed the sides of my arms in hopes to calm me down. I was a nervous wreck. I didn't want to give a speech. I mean, I did, just not in front of so many people.

“You're right, you're right!” My eyes were glued to the floor space between us as I whispered to myself. “I can do this. It's no big deal!”

“There you go!” Jonah gently shook my shoulders so I would look up at him. “You've got this!”

“Lynn!” I snapped my head around to the sound of Mark calling out my name. He looked worried as he approached us “I can't figure out how to connect the video to the projector.”

“Oh” I was caught off guard. I didn't have any idea either. “Can you take this please.” I handed my drink to Jonah and followed Mark to the corner of the wedding hall where the projector system was hooked up.

The past couple of days Woody, Mark, Lacey, Rebecca, and I had been anxiously putting together a fun little video for Kadie's wedding. We were planning on surprising her with it. There were pictures of us growing up with video clips of us sharing memorable stories involving Kadie.

“The video is playing on the laptop, I just can't get it to play on the projector.” Mark said as he wiggled around some random wires.

“Let me see” I took the laptop from him. Before I could do anything Woody, Lacey, and Sarah were crowded around me.

“What's going on?” Sarah asked.

“Yeah, tell the clueless blonde what's going on.” Woody rolled his eyes. “Obviously the video isn't playing on the projector.” He gave her a look of disgust.

Sarah's jaw was slightly dropped and her brows furrowed. She stared at Woody for a moment to emphasize her annoyance before she turned to me. “Can I try? I've had to do this before at a few of my mom's events.”

“Sure” I slid the laptop over to her.

“You can set up a wireless connection” After a few key strokes she stopped and grunted. “I always use Mac's so I'm not sure if I'm doing it right on here.”

“Give it to me” Woody took the laptop from her before she could say anything. “So fucking spoiled” he whispered under his breath. He began going through the control buttons hoping something would pop up.

Rebecca, who was tapping her toe with crossed arms in the corner, finally spoke up. “I'm pretty sure that's not how you do it, Woody.”

“That's the webcam you idiot!” Sarah aggressively pulled the laptop back from Woody.

“Guys! Guys!” I finally inserted myself between the two and took the laptop back. “I will figure it out. Just go back to doing whatever it was you two were doing as far away from each other as possible, please. For everyone's sake.”

“Lynn, I'm just trying to help. I'm sorry if your short little friend here is getting in the way.”

“I've had it up to here with you!” Sarah's hand leveled off just above her head. But, even then it only came up to Woody's chin on his tall frame. He laughed at how childish she looked which only angered her more before she puffed out her chest and stormed off.

“Can't you just be nice for like, one minute?” Rebecca scorned Woody.

Woody continued laughing. “What? You want me to be nice to that over privileged posh British girl? Please!”

Lacey spoke under her breath. “Wow, Woody, I didn't think you knew such big words.”

“Just cause I'm a good Christian country boy with a Southern accent don't mean I can't speak well.” That was such a typical Woody line. Saying something that was so unlike him to make everyone feel bad. But instead it always made everyone roll their eyes and sigh.

“Please!”I held up my palm. “Just go away!”

Woody whispered a few profanities before he finally walked away. I tried checking the wires again, with Mark's help.

“Excuse me” I heard a voice directed towards me. I looked up to see the wedding coordinator. “We need to start the speeches soon. Is everyone ready?” I felt a pit in my stomach. For a brief second I'd completely forgotten about the speech. I grimaced as I finally nodded my head.

“We'll be there in just a few seconds.” I assured her before she walked away in the distance talking into her headset.

“We're gonna have to figure this out later, Mark.” I finally gave up. “There's a back room where we put our stuff, you can just put the laptop there for now.” I handed it over to Mark who was frowning.

“Okay” his voice was low as he walked away.

I inhaled a deep breath than exhaled. My eyes were closed as I shook my hands trying to mentally prepare myself. Rebecca, Lacey, and I headed over to the dance floor in the center of the room.

As we were weaving through tables I felt a hand pull my shoulder back. It was Daniel. He looked so different in a suit and tie compared to his usual band t-shirt and skinny jeans that he normally wore. I gave him an up-and-down look and noticed that he still managed to wear his black Converses with his suit.

I smiled and pointed. “Nice shoes”

“We wouldn't be The Kicks without them, right?”

We leaned in for a hug and as we did I looked around his table realizing he didn't bring a plus one. “How have things been going with Lauren?”

Lauren was Daniel's best friend since college. The two of them were inseparable. They knew just about every one of the others secrets. It was weird if you asked me, but I guess that was reason enough for Daniel to fall for her.

“Well, you see...” He rubbed the back of his head and nervously looked around. “It didn't quiet work out like I hoped.”


“Definitely” He nodded with guilt. “With the label being here in the city I can barely find the time to fly back to London.”

“Well, hey!” I tried cheering him up “The girls here are fucking gorgeous and you're a British guy that can sing. I don't feel too bad for you.” We both laughed.

“I'm sorry to interrupted.” Rebecca weaseled her way in between us. “I just wanted to tell you that I absolutely love your song. I hear it all the time on the radio! I can't believe you're really him. You're Daniel from The Kicks!”

Daniel looked like a combination of happy and confused. “Yes, yes I am. And you are?”

“This is my old friend, Rebecca, from back home.”

“Well hello, old friend Rebecca.” Daniel's voice lulled. He knew exactly what he was doing.

“Ohhh my God, Lynn, he just said my name.” Rebecca's fingers were clawing into my arm. “He just said my fucking name.”

Daniel laughed. “Oh God, this'll never get old!”

I rolled my eyes and apologized on Rebecca's behalf. “Come on Rebecca.” I pulled her hand and tugged her along after me.

The wedding coordinator saw Lacey, Rebecca, Mark and I approaching the dance floor and asked for the music to be lowered. I could hear myself gulp. I picked up a microphone and looked across from me to see Kadie and Adam standing on the other side.

Kadie's palms were facing up as she mouthed, “Where's Woody?”

“I don't know” I lipped the words back to her as I shrugged. I turned around and asked Mark and Lacey the same question knowing that Rebecca didn't give a rat's ass. Neither one of them knew, but the wedding coordinator was punching us on time, so we had to continue on without him.

“Can I have everyone's attention please?”

I held a glass of champagne in one hand and the microphone in the other. I felt naked standing in front of the crowd. There were hundreds of people. Most of them people I didn't know. They stared at me as their volume went down to whispers and then eventually silence.

“Hi” I cooed.

Jonah's face lit up with a big smile. His elbows were propped up on the table as he casually leaned forward. One hand lightly traced the edge of his tumbler glass and the other slightly covered his mouth to stop him from laughing. He knew how nervous I was. That public speaking wasn't my thing. It made it that much more funnier since it came with such ease to him. After all, he stood in front of audiences for a living.

“For those of you who don't know, my name is Lynn and I'm Kadie's maid of honor.” I heard a woo from the distance. It was of course Jonah cheering me on. A few others joined in for encouragement. I nervously laughed and shot Jonah a look of embarrassment. “Kadie and I have known each other since we were in diapers. We've been there for each other through the good, the bad, and the ugly. And by ugly I mean the time when Kadie decided to get a perm.” The room filled with laughter and I felt slightly at ease. “I've watched Kadie go through some tough times. She'd come out of these situations that much stronger and that much more shielded. I've always known what a beautiful soul she has, but I was afraid no one else would have a chance to experience it like I did. And then along came Adam...” His groomsmen began cheering for him. “I still remember the night these two met. Adam came into the restaurant looking like Don Draper, as if he already knew Kadie's weakness. Of course being as stubborn as she is, Kadie still wasn't budging. She was guarded and convinced that even the most suavest of men couldn't break down her walls. This is when I knew Adam was the one for Kadie. Because he patiently waited like a true gentleman. And for any man that can stand Kadie's bullshit, I'd say he's a winner.”

I paused for a second assuming it would be filled with laughter. But instead the room was dead silent. I looked around the room to see everyone's jaw dropped. What I said was obviously a joke, I didn't think people would take it so seriously. I scrambled through my notes to skip towards the end of my speech. My hands were shaking. This was exactly what I was afraid of. This feeling right here.

“Lynn” Mark nudged my shoulder. I turned towards him to see his eyes glued to the projector screen behind us. “ I think the connection for the laptop finally went through. ....”

I gasped at the webcam video playing of Woody and Sarah wildly making out and grinding on one another in the back storage room. “Oh...shit


  1. haha!!! i knew all that arguing had to have been sexual tension!

  2. hahahah oh my god as soon as you started writing about the computer issues and the webcam, I had a feeling that would happen

  3. Absolutely hilarious!

  4. Ha! Nice. Glad they were caught making out and not fighting.

  5. YES! I had a feeling! That's funny stuff, and her toast was great. mum

  6. Hahahahahaha.....Oh my God! this post has certainly made me laugh out loud........well, I knew that aggressive jesting had some chemistry brewing

  7. Aha, I was right! LOL. I've liked when Lynn's friends from home are incorporated in the story line, it seems to bring out a different side of her. It shows good writing because it's almost like you know the character in real life

  8. Over the past couple of days I've read this blog from beginning to end and im sad that I'm caught up now! I love your writing and the characters of the blog!