That Awkward Moment

It was 7pm on Monday and the gang and I were wrapping up our study session. Sarah, Henry, Emma, Corey, and I got together everyday after class to review the day's workload and study for upcoming material. We almost always met up in the same study room in the library. It was a repetitive routine I'm sure I could do in my sleep.

I grabbed my books and started stuffing them into my book bag. There was a crunching noise coming from inside. I peeked in to see the New York Times magazine. It had been such a busy Monday, I had almost forgotten about the article I'd read.

“What's this” Sarah tugged at the magazine as she slung her bag over her shoulder.

“Remember that guy, Connor Cassidy, I told you about?” I handed the magazine to Sarah and continued to put my laptop away. Sarah nodded her head. “Well, turns out he's a saint”.

Sarah scrunched her eyebrows together in disbelief. “You're telling me the New York Times did an article on your pricky fuck buddy?”

I narrowed my eyes at Sarah signaling for her to lower her voice. We were walking out of our study room into the main library and people were startled by her inappropriate remark.

“What?” She whispered acting as if people were looking for no reason.

We quickly shuffled out onto the street and sat down on a nearby bench. Sarah flipped through the magazine until she came across his article. “Times' Top Five Doctor's in The City You Should Know”, she whispered the title to herself.

After a couple of minutes she looked up and rolled her eyes.

“You'd think the guy would have some decency.” She tossed the magazine on to the empty space of the bench between us.

“Kadie thinks he's just being an ass to me. But, I think he's just an ass that tries to do good to make up for it.” I stood up as I saw Sarah's driver approaching in the oncoming traffic.

“Well why don't we find out?” Sarah stood up and grabbed my arm. She pulled me as we ran towards her driver. We weaved through the stopped traffic and climbed into the car.

Sarah pulled out her iPad and did what any millennial girl would do: cyber stalk.

“Con..ner...Cas..sid..dy” She said as she typed out his name in the Facebook search bar.

“No...no..no” We scrolled through until we found a thumbnail picture that resembled him the most. “Who knew there were so many Conner Cassidy's?”

“That's him!” I pointed

She clicked on his name and his profile pulled up. After giving each other a quick look we went back to investigating.

“He has over 2,000 friends.” Sarah noted in a sarcastic tone as she scrolled down his page.

“Wait!” I held my hand over Sarah's, gesturing her to stop scrolling. “What is that?” I pointed to a picture and she clicked on it.

It was of Connor in Africa. There was a entire album dedicated to his trip. From pictures of him in a medical tent to pictures of him helping the locals build wells. Sarah and I scrolled through them in silence. Neither one of us knew what to say.

“Wow, looks like he's been traveling a lot” Sarah clicked on Connor's pictures revealing a plethora of albums titled with the country's name. “I think these are all pro bono trips, Lynn. Maybe he is a saint?”

“Look” I pointed to a comment someone left on Connor's wall. I read it aloud, “So happy you're back in the states! This past year without you has been crucial. You were deeply missed by everyone. Let's grab some beers soon.” Sarah and I looked at each other, dumbfounded.

Sarah began clicking away again. “Let's see... His favorite shows are Suits, White Collar, Breaking Bad, Walking Dead. Typical guy shows. Judging by his likes and the comments on his wall, I think he's just an ass to you.” Sarah concluded as she exited out of Facebook and shut off her iPad.

I folded my arms over my chest while letting all the new information about Connor resonate.

“So, what are you going to do?” Sarah leaned her body towards me, interested in what I was going to say.

“What am I going to do with what?” I kept my gaze down at my lap.

“You have a bloke in L.A and a bloke over here. You love one and you're shagging another.”

“I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.” I held my head in both my hands.

Sarah began rubbing my shoulder, “Hey, I'll admit, it's not a bad problem to have”

“It's just” I sighed, trying to think of the right words to say. “It's just, Jonah was gone for so long. Connor was just suppose to be a stepping stone back into the world of normalcy.”

"Oh, my dear, there is nothing normal about the arrangements between you and Connor."

Sarah's driver pulled up to the curb outside my apartment. I grabbed my bags and hopped out. As I started walking away Sarah rolled down her window and shouted, “Why don't you just talk to him?”

I turned around “Who? Connor?”

“Yeah, Connor. Just ask him what his deal is. What do you have to lose?”

I pursed my lips and waved at Sarah as her driver drove off.

I made my way upstairs and opened my apartment door. To my surprise there were boxes spread around the living room. Kadie stood in the kitchen with a bottle of Gatorade in hand.

“What's going on?” I kicked a box as I walked in.

“Hope you don't mind the mess. Adam's lease is ending in a couple of weeks so we're trying to find a place before then. I thought I'd slowly start packing up my stuff.”

I turned my back to Kadie to hang my coat on the rack. (and to roll my eyes of course) It was just one thing after the other. Why couldn't I just catch a damn break already?

I inhaled a deep breath and spun back around with a plastered smile on my face. “Of course I don't mind! Do you need help with anything?”

“I don't think so. I didn't bring much stuff with me. Adam has most of the furniture we're gonna be moving”

I dropped my bags and walked into the kitchen. Kadie went on to tell me about her day. I casually pretended to listen as I rummaged through the fridge. I was so hungry I couldn't think straight. I finally settled on leftover pasta and stuck it into the microwave.

Kadie and I spent the rest of the night catching up on shows we'd miss the past week. After she'd fallen asleep I went into my room to study until I eventually passed out too.

The next afternoon when I was in physiology my phone started vibrating. It was a text from Connor.

Where have you been? Haven't heard from you in a while. Come over tonight?

I caught myself smiling. I had no idea why. I continued to stare at my phone before I responded.

Sure. See you @ 7

Once I got out of class I headed down to the subway. I made my way to Connor's apartment and knocked on his door.

“Hey” He said smugly while moving back to let me inside.

“Hi” I smiled back.

When I walked inside his apartment it was like I was looking at it with a fresh pair of eyes. I was suddenly interested in what I would find. I saw a wall of photographs that looked like they were taken around the world. There was a few short shelves under the photographs that held multiple DSLR cameras and lenses.

“I didn't know you were into photography” I walked over to the shelf, tracing my finger along the lenses. I gazed up at the wall of photos and admired them.

“Yeah” Connor said unenthusiastically “Why don't we go over here” He lightly tugged at my arm, guiding me into the living room, where we normally sat.

I followed him over. He sat at one end of the couch and I sat at the other.

“Here” Connor leaned over and handed me a glass of wine.

“So” I stared at him hoping he'd say something. I felt unusually shy. Like, I had forgotten how to have a normal conversation

“I've had a really long day” Connor stretched his arms. He put his glass down on the coffee table and whispered as he scooted closer to me, “So why don't we...just...get this started...” Connor's hand ran up my thigh as he brought his mouth to my neck.

Before he could kiss me I pulled back. “Wait!” I pushed Connor away from me and stood up.

He covered his face with his hand and sighed. “What?”

“I think figure skating is coming on!” I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

“Are you serious?” He furrowed his brows.

“It's my favorite part of the Olympics!” I walked over to the opposite side of Connor and sat down. I had no idea what I was doing. Usually, when I would come over, Connor and I would get straight to business. But, for some reason I just wanted to be with him, without actually being with him.

“Lynn, if you're not going to do this then I think you should go” He said while walking in my view of the TV.

“Can't we just talk? Like we did last time?” I looked up at him with my puppy dog eyes.

“I told you. That was a one time deal.” He took the remote from my hands.

“Fine. I guess I'll see you later” I grabbed my bag and left Connor's apartment.

What the fuck was that? I thought to myself. I couldn't believe the way I was acting.

I walked out into the street. It was a little late so I decided to hail cab. When I sat inside I gave the driver Jaime's address.

I quickly called Jaime when we approached his block.

“Hey, are you at home?” I asked.

“Yeah, what's up?” he sounded confused.

“Open your door, I'm outside”

I heard a shuffling on the phone before he hung up. Jaime opened his window and looked down to see me stepping out of the cab.

“I'm buzzing you in!” He shouted.

I walked in through the main doors and took the elevator up to his floor. He stood waiting for me when the doors opened.

“Lynn, is everything okay?” he held both my shoulders.

“I think I'm falling for Connor.”

Moving Along

“Call me when you land”

I gripped Jonah's hand tighter before we leaned into a hug. We were standing outside his apartment yet again, saying our goodbyes. This time I was able to keep myself composed. There wasn't any snotty-nose-ugly-crying going on.

Jonah and I spent the entire weekend together (with the exception of Sunday after noon when he went to visit his family in Long Island.)

We stayed up all night on Friday talking, and well, doing other 'things'. It wasn't until the sun started rising that we'd realized what time it was. Our conversations and kisses slowed down into a quiet slumber.

Late afternoon on Saturday, when we'd finally woken up, the weather still looked pretty bad. It was cold and snowy and nothing looked more appetizing than the blanket we were wrapped up in. We decided to stay in and do some damage on Netflix.

On Sunday, Jonah insisted I come with him to visit his family. If he'd been in town longer I wouldn't have minded. But, I thought it would've been unfair of me to rob his family of those few hours they would have had to spend with him. So, instead, I stayed at Jonah's place and cleaned up while he was gone.

He came back into town Sunday evening. And that's when we decided to stop avoiding the elephant in the room.

“Jonah, I know I told you I love you, and I want nothing more than to be with you. But-”

“You want to see other people?” Jonah stopped washing the dishes. We'd just finished eating dinner. He turned the faucet off and wiped his hands on a dish rag. His expression was unreadable. He turned around and leaned his lower back on the counter while folding his arms across his chest. His hazel eyes looked down at the floor, defeated.

“Of course I don't want to” I fiddled with the drying rag in my hand finally placing it down. I stood in front of Jonah and leaned against the island. “But, I don't think it's fair of me to stop you. I can't give you what you want from across the country.”

Jonah continued to look down in deep thought. We stood in silence for a moment before he looked up at me. “So, let's just say, hypothetically, I was to go back to L.A and find a girl friend. I end up falling for her and she decides to move back with me to New York?”

“Then...” I stared at Jonah as he waited for my answer. I kept telling him to not wait for me, but I hadn't actually thought about it. Just imagining Jonah with another woman was making me feel uncomfortable. “Stay with her. If she's what makes you happy, then stay with her.”

“Really?” He raised his eyebrows

“Really.” I said firmly.

“Great!” He turned back around to face the kitchen sink. “There's this beautiful girl I can't keep my eyes off of. She's been teasing me but I've been holding back. I guess I can go for it now, huh?” He looked over his shoulder at me.

“Jonah!” I playfully punched him.

Jonah laughed and grabbed my arm. He pushed himself up against me while wrapping me in his arms. “I'm kidding” He leaned down so our foreheads were touching. “See, what I mean? It's not so easy is it?” He gently let me go.

“Of course it's not. But, it's something we both have to do.” I was stern with my words.

“Fine” Jonah took a step back and held up his hands.

Shortly after we had fallen asleep. And now we were here. It was just barely Monday morning. The sun was sitting low, hiding behind buildings, waiting to rise. The air was so cold every breath was visible. A cab driver had already pulled up and put Jonah's suitcase in the car.

“I love you” Jonah leaned down.

“I love you, too” I tip toed to meet Jonah half way. We kissed a slow kiss, the way lovers do. We held our gaze for a moment before Jonah got into the cab. There I was, yet again, waving goodbye to Jonah.

Once the cab had turned the corner I headed back to my apartment. When I walked inside Kadie was still there. She was already dressed for work. She had her iPad out reading an article while eating breakfast.

“Well, look who decided to come home” Kadie grinned as I walked through the front door. “How was you're weekend at Casa Del Jonah?”

“Oh you know” I put my bag down on the table and sat next to Kadie. “It was probably the most amazing time I've ever had with anyone...”

Kadie read the expression on my face “Until...”

“Until I basically told him to move on” I sighed and leaned my head on my hand. “Right after I finally told him I love him”

“Oh, Lynn!” Kadie put down her spoon and rubbed her hand on my arm sympathetically. “So, what's going to happen now?”

“I don't know” I looked up at Kadie, “He's not sure when he's coming back. We really can't go anywhere, relationship wise, until he knows.”

Kadie's phone started vibrating. It was one of those obnoxiously loud vibrations that shook every thing around it. Including my bag. There wasn't anything inside except for my tooth brush and some clothes. The strap of the bag fell over revealing the New York Times magazine I bought a couple of weeks ago. I had completely forgotten I had it.

I pulled it out of my bag to read. Kadie got up from the table to answer her phone. I flipped through the pages to find the article on Connor. I couldn't help but cover my mouth with each sentence I read. A few minutes later Kadie came out of her room.

“Lynn? Is everything okay?” She walked up behind me to see what I was reading. “Isn't that Connor?” She pointed at the picture of him.

“Oh, my God” I turned back to Kadie. “Why the hell did I just read this?” I slammed it shut and tossed it across the table realizing why Connor wanted to keep personal and pleasure separate.

“What happened?” Kadie stood up straight and furrowed her brows.

“It makes sense now” I said to myself as I remembered how Connor humbly lived in a tiny apartment. “He gives 75% of his earnings away to charities benefiting children"

“That is so sweet” Kadie said while taking a seat “But why?”

“Apparently, he was a premature baby with a bunch of health issues growing up and his family struggled to pay for his health care. He didn't want any other families to go through that so he became a doctor to help other families financially. It says he does a lot of pro bono work while also giving away most of his paychecks.”

Kadie and I sat in silence and stared at each other.

“Fuck” Kadie whispered. “Kudos to him!”

“I don't get it” I shook my head “He's such a asshole.”

“Maybe he's just an asshole to you because of everything you put him through.”

“Like what?” I questioned

Kadie dropped her shoulders and gave me a really look.

“You're right.” I looked off into space “He was so sweet the other day. He was so normal.”

“Perfect timing” Kadie pinched my side as she stood up. She started grabbing her purse to leave for work.

“Huh?” I didn't understand what she was referring to.

“You just told the guy you truly love to move on. And now you're falling for the guy you're casually sleeping with”

“I'm not starting to fall for Connor!” I angrily responded.

“Okay” Kadie whispered as she walked away “But, don't say I didn't warn you.”

The L Word

*You all asked, so here it is! Bonus post :) Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend full of love!*

My jaw dropped as I stared off in to the distance. Jonah was immersed in a conversation with his peers, completely unaware that I was standing across the venue staring at him. Kadie and I stood in silence. I slowly closed my mouth as I admired him from afar. He was wearing a fitted navy suit with a skinny black tie. His brown hair was slightly parted to the side in a very Jonah-esque manner. He began laughing, bellowing over, with a dimple on his cheek. I couldn't help but smile.

My brain waves must have been really strong, because suddenly Jonah turned around facing my direction. He looked right past me, admiring how beautiful the room was. His eyes met mine briefly before he turned back towards his friends again. A split second later he snapped his head back towards me. As if he couldn't believe what he'd just seen. His grin was gone. Jonah put his drink down on the table next to him and weaved his way through the hall towards me.

“Good luck” Kadie whispered in my ear before she walked away. I felt my body internally shaking the closer Jonah was getting. My cheeks were flushed and my eyes were just on the verge of tearing up.

Keep it together, Lynn! I inhaled a deep breath to calm my nerves just as Jonah approached me. He slowed his pace before coming to a stop. Without saying a word he wrapped his arms around me. And I did the same. It felt as if the world had stopped spinning. Like, Jonah and I were the only two people in the room.

Jonah released his grip from around my body and slowly pulled away. It took him a minute to finally find his words.

“How did you know?”

“I didn't.” I softly caressed the skin on Jonah's neck where my hands were resting. “Kadie wanted me to come tonight. We had no idea”.

Jonah's expression changed when he suddenly remembered that Kadie worked for Darlington.

“If I'd known-” He suddenly stopped and walked over to a table. He leaned forward to snag a flower from the centerpiece and walked back towards me. He handed me the rose. It was yellow with pink edges. “Will you be my Valentine?” Jonah smirked.

I couldn't help but laugh. I tried to take the rose from Jonah's hand when he grabbed my hand instead and pulled me towards him. Our bodies were pressed up against each other. His hands on my lower back and mine on his chest. I looked up at Jonah, noticing his new California tan. It complimented his brown hair and hazel eyes so well.

“No” I said playfully while flashing Jonah a smile.

He smiled back briefly before furrowing his brows. “I've missed you terribly” He leaned down and kissed me slowly. I felt my knees going weak.

“Okay, seriously, you two need to get a room” Kadie walked by with her clipboard in hand. She winked at me as she walked behind Jonah.

Jonah held my hand as we walked over to his group of friends he had been talking to earlier.

“Lynn, you remember most of these guys, right?” They were all writers from the show. I first met them when Jonah gave me the tour of his job. And a few times after that when we would occasionally bump into them while we were out.

The event was about to start so everyone grabbed a seat. Eva came out onto the stage and made her announcement. She talked about how thrilled she was about her new client and plans for the future of both companies. Shortly after, the CEO of the network came out to share some of his words as well.

Once the speeches were over dinner was served. I mean, technically, it couldn't even qualify as “dinner”. I'm pretty sure my stomach was grumbling even after finishing my meal. It definitely wasn't enough.

As the waiters were taking away our plates Jonah leaned over to whisper in my ear, “I have to go” he softly kissed my cheek and stood up.

“But, wai-” before I could even question him he cut me off

“Do me a favor. Grab your things and come to my apartment in an hour.”

I was getting up from my chair when Jonah's friend came up and started talking to him. I waited for a few minutes but the more time passed the more people started to crowd around him. He turned back to look at me and mouthed, “I'm sorry”.

I grabbed my clutch and tried to find Kadie and Sarah. They were both sitting at a table filled with Darlington employees.

“Well, well, well” Sarah and Kadie jokingly chanted as I approached them.

“Where's Jonah” Kadie asked.

“I don't know, he just got up and said he had to leave. He wants me to meet him at his apartment later”

Sarah chimed in “Well, that isn't shady! He didn't say where he's going?”

“Nope” I pursed my lips and then continued, “Any way, I'm gonna go grab some things from the apartment before I head over.”

“Perfect! Adam was planning on coming over after work to celebrate V-day. So, it's a good thing you won't be there” Kadie smiled and Sarah and I grimaced.

We said our goodbyes and I headed back to my apartment. I was running around like a mad man making sure I got all the essentials. I slipped off my dress and changed out of my mismatched underwear into some lacy lingerie.

Before putting my dress back on I sprayed a cloud of perfume in the air and started running through it. I did it a couple of more times. I'm sure if anyone had been watching they could have easily used this moment to prove I was crazy. I pulled my dress back on and grabbed my bag.

I texted Jonah to let him know I was on my way but he texted back telling me to wait a while longer. I sat on my bed defeated. What could he possibly be doing that was more important? I walked back into my room and laid down on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling. There was a faint knock on my window. It was snowing, so I figured it was ice pellets hitting the glass. But then, the knock got louder and louder.

Being the scaredy cat I am I grabbed my heaviest anatomy book and slowly crept up to the window. I pulled back my curtain and looked outside. There, in the snow, stood Jonah. He was bundled up in a beanie, scarf, gloves and a coat.

“Grab your shit, Juliet, let's go!” Jonah shouted. I laughed as I grabbed my things before heading down stairs to meet Jonah outside. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders to keep me warm.

“I thought I was going to meet you at your place?”

“You didn't think I was going to make you walk there, in this cold, all by yourself did you?” He held me close as we walked down to the main intersection to hail a cab.

When we pulled up to Jonah's place I opened the front door. The apartment was empty with just a few furniture pieces that had been left behind when Jonah moved. The lights were turned off but the apartment was lit by candles. There was a sheet laid out in the living room with Chinese food containers, a bucket of ice with champagne, and a huge bouquet of flowers.

I covered my mouth with my hands. I was at a loss of words. Jonah came up behind me wrapping his hands around my waist and nestling his mouth on my neck.

“Is this what you were doing the whole time?” I turned my head to face Jonah.

He smiled. “I didn't think I was going to see you tonight. I was waiting for tomorrow. This is the best I could do last minute.”

“This is amazing, Jonah, you really didn-”

“Shh” he held his hand up and walked me inside. He took my bag off my shoulder and put it down on the ground. Jonah picked me up in his arms and sat me on the kitchen counter. He leaned his arms on the counter with his body in between my legs.

“I didn't know you still had this place” I rubbed Jonah's shoulders gently

“Yeah, I never sold it. Thought It'd be nice to have a place when I come into town. Plus, my sister stays here every now and then when she has to come into town. So it worked out.” He shrugged.

“I ran into Casey” I whispered.

“You did?” Jonah whispered back with a smile, letting me know that he knew.

I nodded “She told me you were moving back.” I balled up my fist to make a pretend microphone, “Can you confirm these allegations made about you, Jonah Cohen?” I pushed my fist forward towards Jonah.

“I can not confirm or deny such rumors. I have no comment at this time” He shielded his eyes as if a swarm of camera flashes were going off in his face.

We both laughed. It felt nice to have him back. Someone who understood and reciprocated my goofiness.

“Well?” I waited for him to answer.

“It's a little complicated right now. I'm pretty much in charge of everything at the Late Night show now. It's cutting into time I need to create a new show. Our CEO has given me a deadline for it, but at the same time he keeps adding more things to my plate.”

My face fell flat and defeated. Jonah could tell I was upset. He picked up my chin in his hand.

“Hey” he said soothingly, “I'm always here. I told you I want you, Lynn. I don't care about the distance.”

I knew I couldn't give Jonah the response he wanted. As badly as I wanted him, I knew our current arrangements weren't going to work out. Instead, I stayed quiet and smiled.

I gave Jonah a quick kiss. “Grab all the blankets you have and bring them here.”

Jonah rolled his eyes, hesitating to leave, but came back a few minutes later with a pile of blankets. We laid a few of the blankets down for us to lay on. Jonah grabbed a couple of chairs and placed them on either side of us with a blanket draping over them to create a fort.

“Jonah, there was something I didn't get to tell you before” I was leaning on my elbow facing him. He was laying on his back with one hand behind his head and the other on his chest.

“What is it?”

I mustered up the courage to say it without crying, “You told me not to say it until I meant it.”

Jonah suddenly realized what I was about to say and sat up.

“And the truth is, I didn't realize it until you left. I had been hurt so many times that I was afraid to admit it. But, there's no body else I feel this way about except for you. I love you, Jonah”

We stared at each other for a moment. My stomach was twisting into a million knots. Even though Jonah had already told me he loved me, I was still anxious for his reply. Instead, he got up and walked around the apartment blowing out the candles until the room was only lit by the moonlight reflecting off of the white snow.

Jonah walked back over to me and took his shirt off before laying down. His hand traced my jawline, moving down to my neck and eventually pushing off my dress strap. His body hovered over mine. He lowered his mouth to the base of my neck, breathing on it before he kissed it. Again and again, slowly working his way up. He stopped when we were eye to eye. He cupped both his hands around my face and whispered, “I love you, too”

Lights, Camera, Action

Have you ever experienced that moment when something you've been dying for finally happens? When you're so excited that you completely blank on any occurrences that may have happened before or after?

That's how I felt.

It was Monday morning and I was sitting in class. The auditorium-style room was filled more than usual as we had a guest speaker. A tiny elderly woman, in a dark gray suit, spoke about her time as a pro bono doctor in the Middle East. The stories she had to share were fascinating. I would occasionally see Sarah wiping a tear from her eye.

“Oh my God” Sarah whispered under her breath,“That's amazing! This is exactly why I'm in this field.”

I snapped back to reality as I heard everyone clapping. I had been lost in my thoughts, again. Ever since I had gotten a text from Jonah letting me know he was coming into town, I was a zoned out mess.

I started packing up my book bag. It was already time for our mid-morning break. Sarah, Henry, and I would always go to a small bakery across the street from school to eat a late breakfast.

“I'll have the croissant sandwich...” Sarah said in a perfect french accent “With a side of your fruit mix please.” She turned her head back towards Henry and I, “How about you two?”

“Just a coffee, thanks.” I wasn't feeling very hungry. I walked over to an empty table and sat down. I pulled out my phone and looked at Jonah's text again. I couldn't believe it had already been a couple of months since I'd last seen him. Time was flying by.

Sarah and Henry walked over to the table with their trays of food. “You've been looking at that bloody text all morning.” Henry said abrasively.

“You guys just don't understand” I took my coffee from Sarah and put away my phone. “It's like if you and Jebrone were just at the peak of your love and suddenly he moved away.”

“Too soon!” Henry stabbed a honeydew melon with his fork.

Sarah giggled, “You did it to yourself”

“Oh bugger off” Henry whimpered.

Jebrone had found out about Henry's interactions with Jaime while they were on a “break” shortly after they had gotten back together. Needless to say, Jebrone wasn't having it and ended things with Henry. It made for some awkward encounters between the group.

We headed back to class after we finished up.

The rest of the week had rolled by without even noticing. It was Thursday night when I had gotten a call from Connor. He was making dinner and wanted me to come over. I was having one of those days and decided that it couldn't hurt to stop by.

“Hey!” Connor yelled as he opened his door. I was completely caught off guard by his change in attitude. He'd always been a witty, sarcastic kind of guy.

“Hi” I said quietly as I walked inside. He could tell by the look on my face that I was concerned for his well being.

Connor laughed, “It's Thursday, I'm making steaks, and I have wine straight from Italy.” he said in a way that almost sounded like he was explaining his good mood.

“Great!” I took off my coat and walked over to the kitchen. “I'm a little confused though?”

“About what?” Connor started pulling out glasses to pour wine into.

“I thought we weren't going to mix personal and pleasure?” I traced my finger around the rim of my glass.

Connor let out a sigh as he uncorked the wine. “I know. It's just...” He waited a minute before finishing “I don't know a lot of people in the City yet outside of my associates. And I didn't want to bring work home with me so...”

I held up my hand to make him stop. I knew where he was getting at. I had mixed feelings about this new vulnerability I was seeing in Connor. It was like puppy dog syndrome. He was breaking our rules and yet I couldn't get mad because he was, well, too cute.

“Wait” Connor set the bottle down. “It's not like you came here strictly for business anyway”

I held up both my hands accusingly, “Guilty”

“So let's make an exception for tonight.” He raised up his glass waiting for my response.

“Fine” I gave in and clinked my glass against his.

I helped Connor saute some veggies while he finished up on the streaks. We set the dinner table and sat down to eat.

“This is amazing!” I was shocked at how good the steaks were. It was cooked perfectly and was flowing with flavor.

“These veggies aren't too bad” Connor winked as he ate a piece of broccoli.

“Do you like cooking?” If Connor was going to give me a one day pass, I was going to use it to my full advantage to learn more about him.

“Well, I picked it up when I was in med school” He ate another bite before continuing, “I couldn't afford to eat out, so I was forced to work with what I had. It turned into a hobby I guess”

After we finished dinner I helped Connor clean up. We talked a lot about our families and I gave him the rundown of places to go in the City.

I had an early morning class on Friday, so after cleaning up, I headed back home. I was glad we spent some time together without fooling around. Don't get me wrong, the sex is great, but it was nice to see a different side of Connor.

When I got back to the apartment Kadie was already home.

“Hey, K. How was work?” I flung my book bag onto the bed as Kadie followed me into my room.

“Well, we finally signed the contract with the network. But Eva still won't tell us who it is. She's having a press conference type of party where she's planning on revealing it.”

Surprised, I raised my eyebrows “Wow, it must be a major company”

“Must be” Kadie walked over to my closet and pulled out a dress. “She said I could bring a few friends. I'm going to be working on the party all day tomorrow so you can meet me there” Kadie handed me the dress “And wear this”

It was the purple high-low dress I had bought the day Jonah and I went on our first date. I smiled as I stared at it, feeling nostalgic.

Remembering Jonah I pulled out my phone from my purse and texted him.

T-1 day! When will you be free this weekend?

I took the dress and hung it off of a hook on the back of my door.

“I'm gonna go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow at the party. Text me when you get there” Kadie pulled out a necklace from my jewelry box and hung it with the dress before she left.

Half an hour had passed before Jonah replied

I can't wait :) I'm coming in Friday evening. How bout Saturday?

I couldn't help but smile as I texted him back

Sounds perfect!

I wanted Friday to quickly pass. I was so anxious to finally see Jonah. To smell him, feel him, run my hands through his hair. I couldn't take it anymore.

After class I came back to the apartment to shower and get dressed for Kadie's work party. If it were up to me I would have came home and fell asleep. Anything to make Saturday come quicker.

I changed into the outfit Kadie pulled together for me. Sarah was coming too, so she offered to have her driver pick me up.

“I hate these things” Sarah said unenthusiastically as I climbed into the car.

“Tell me about it. I'm just going to see what all the excitement is about”

We finally made it the venue and saw a step and repeat surrounded by paparazzi and news anchors. I couldn't quiet see what was going on because of the crowds of people.

“My mum will do anything for the press” Sarah rolled her eyes at the crowds and pulled my arm to lead me to a side entrance.

When we got inside I was completely amazed by the decor. There was a small stage nicely set up for speakers. The ceiling is the room went up a few floors, and there were beautiful chandeliers hanging down. The space was filled with big round tables with the most gorgeous flower centerpieces.

Sarah and I couldn't help but stop and stare in astonishment.

I saw Kadie from across the room. There was a crowd of people in front of her. She started pushing through them, and bumping into tables and chairs, as she tried to make her way to me. I could see her mouthing “Oh my God” as she raced over.

Sarah and I laughed at the sight of how ridiculous Kadie looked. When she finally made it to us she stopped to catch her breath.

“Lynn!” Kadie yelled “I just found out and you will never believe whose network it is” Just as she was about to say it, I stole the words right out of her mouth.

“Jonah”

She looked defeated that I ruined her announcement. “How'd you know?” She looked up to see my eyes staring behind her. There in the background stood Jonah.

Trust Issues

“Lynn, I'm so glad you're home!”

The sound of the front door opening had woken Kadie up. She was lying on the couch with a blanket. It looked as if she was waiting for me.

“Yeah. I think we should talk.” I kicked off my shoes and left my things at the door. I walked over to Kadie and sat down next to her.

“I'm sorry, Lynn. I should have included you more in my decision to move.”

“No," I grabbed Kadie's hands and held them in mine. “I'm sorry I over-reacted. I should have been more supportive. I know what you've been through and I'm just glad you found someone you can trust.”

Kadie grabbed my hands back. Her eyes glazed over as if she just remembered why she had trust issues to begin with. I leaned forward to give her a hug.

Growing up, Kadie was very close to her father. He was a business-man that was always traveling. When they were together they would always have a great time. But, it was when he wasn't there, that would tear Kadie apart. Eventually he stopped showing up to Kadie's soccer games. He would make promises to make it up to her, but then never show. Until one day he was completely gone. She never understood why. She was too young at the time. All she knew was that her father, the man she admired, was no longer there for her.

It wasn't until she was much older that Kadie learned the truth. Her mom did a good job of covering up the real story until she was old enough to know. Which was that Kadie and her mom weren't good enough for their father. That son of a bitch had another family on the side. Even though Kadie's mom kicked her husband out of their house; Kadie always thought of it as her father choosing the other family over her.

Kadie's daddy issues lead to some questionable decisions in her dating life. She craved the attention she wasn't getting from her father. As quick as she would get into a relationship, she would end it. She couldn't bare to have someone leave her again.

“I want to apologize too.” Kadie sounded like she was getting choked up. She cleared her throat and continued, “I'm sorry about being judgmental about the whole Connor thing. It wasn't my intention. I just feel like you're my little sister and I have to protect you.” She pulled her hands away from mine and pushed her blonde tousled hair off of her face.

I felt a pit in my stomach when I looked at Kadie. I had turned something that should have been a happy moment for her into something she was having to apologize for.

“You don't need to apologize, Kadie.” Her crystal blue eyes jetted back towards me. “I know what I'm doing with Connor isn't right. But that's a mistake I need to make. And when I'm butt-hurt from making that mistake? That's when I'm going to need you to go into big sister mode. For now, I just need my best friend.”

Kadie cracked a smile, “Deal” I held onto her shoulders before we leaned in to a hug. It was almost as if the pit in my stomach had gone away. Fighting with Kadie was a foreign concept to me. And I was glad for it to be over.

“So...” I got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Gatorade and last night's left overs. “Have you two picked out any places yet?”

“Not yet” Kadie yelled from the living room. She wrapped herself back into her blanket and turned on the TV. “I want to be somewhere near work on the Upper West Side. But Adam wants to be in Greenwich”

I walked back over to Kadie and sat on the opposite side of the couch. “Oh wow! Do you think that's something you could afford?”

She turned her head towards me. “I've been making significantly more since working at Darlington. So, I've saved up quiet a bit. Plus, with this new client we're about to sign, I'll be making a lot more.” Kadie crossed her fingers.

“Any idea who the network is yet?” I curiously asked Kadie.

“No idea” She turned her head back towards the TV.

The rest of the afternoon Kadie and I caught up on some of our shows. Our DVR box was at full capacity with recordings that we hadn't had time to watch.

I had gotten a text from Sarah late in the day asking if Kadie and I wanted to come to a party that night. Jebrone had signed another artist to his label, and they were throwing a celebratory bash. Kadie and I had so much fun the first time we didn't hesitate to respond. And after the day we had, we needed this.

I did my make up and curled my hair. I decided to go with a peachy nude lip and subtle smokey eyes. I threw on a white flow-y chiffon top and leather leggings.

Kadie straightened her long blonde hair and pulled it over to one side. She was wearing a plum colored peplum top with dark jeans.

When we were finished getting ready we headed out to the party.

As we stepped out of our cab we saw a sea of people trying to get inside the venue.

“I guess Jebrone decided to promote the party this time” Kadie whispered in my ear.

The first party we went to seemed like an exclusive group of people. This wasn't what we were expecting to see.

Just then Sarah walked out and over to the bouncer. Kadie and I shuffled through the crowd towards her.

“Kadie! Lynn!” Sarah shrieked when she saw us. “They're with me” She told the bouncer as she signaled us to come inside. The almost 7 foot tall and heavy built bouncer opened the door for us.

“What is going on?” I shouted over booming music.

“Turns out the guy Jebrone signed is friends with Big Sean and a few other rappers. So when they heard the news they decided to turn the party into this” Sarah pointed at the craziness that was going on around us.

The amount of people in there was unbelievable. I wasn't so much into the club scene, so I followed Sarah over to the lounge area. Kadie on the other hand had already immersed herself into a crowd of dancing fools.

“Where's Jebrone?”

“He's in the VIP room with the guys. You want to go up there?” Sarah asked before she pulled my hand to follow her. We climbed up a staircase made of industrial metal.

I felt a vibration in my pocket. “Hold on” I called out to Sarah as I pulled away my hand.

I looked down at my phone and froze.

“What?” Sarah looked back at me “What is it?”

It was a text from Jonah.

Coming into town this weekend. Are you free? 

Friends With Benefits

It had been an hour since I was pacing outside of Connor's apartment. I kept replaying Kadie's voice in my head. I finally gave in and knocked on his door. I knew what I was doing wasn't right. This isn't the person I am, but dammit, I really needed to relieve some stress!

Connor opened his door smiling, happy to see me. I stormed into his apartment dropping F bombs and throwing my arms in every direction trying to explain how frustrated I was.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down!” Connor grabbed both my shoulders and squeezed them. “Why don't you go sit on the couch and I'll make a couple of drinks for us” He turned me around and nudged me towards the living room.

I went to go sit down when I noticed a magazine flipped open. It looked like Connor had been reading it before I knocked on his door. I pulled it towards myself realizing it was a New York Times magazine. The page that Connor was reading was an article about him and his new office he just opened in the city. I was surprised and wondered what was so special that a well known magazine would run a story on him.

Just as I was picking up the magazine Connor came by with drinks in hand. He placed them on the table and took the magazine from my lap. He closed it and tucked it away in the coffee table's bottom shelf.

“What's that all about?” I pointed to the magazine.

“Huh?” he grabbed a drink and handed it to me “Oh, nothing.”

“The New York Times has an entire page article on you, and you think it's nothing?” I sat up straight and looked at Connor questioningly

“It wasn't about me. It's about the new building that my office is in. I guess I'm the best looking doctor there, so they used me as a model.” He half smiled and took a sip of his drink.

I squinted my eyes at Connor not sure if what he was saying was true. Instead I changed the subject back to my problems. “I just don't get why she's in such a hurry to move in with him?”

“Who's in a hurry to move where?” Connor seemed confused. I guess he hadn't caught any of my ramblings as I came in through the door. Before I could answer he put up his hand to shush me, “Ah! Forget I asked. I don't think we should mix personal with pleasure.” He leaned in, breathing on my neck, before he kissed it.

My eyes closed at the touch of his lips on my skin. I felt a chill run through my body. I leaned away from Connor,“This was obviously not a one night thing. And I have a feeling it's not going to stop after tonight. Can we just set rules now?”

Connor dropped his head and pulled away from me.“This isn't Friends With Benefits” He said while sighing

“I'm shocked you even know that movie” I picked up my drink and took a sip without breaking eye contact.

“A movie about sex with Mila Kunis, I mean really, come on!”

I shrugged. “Point taken”

“Fine. You want to set rules?” Connor picked up his glass. “Rule 1: No mention of personal shit”

“Okay” I put my drink down and added on “Rule 2: No falling in love. I'm not looking for a relationship and I don't want anything past what we're doing.”

“Couldn't agree more. Rule 3: We're free to see other people outside of this. No getting jealous” he narrowed his eyes at me

“Deal” I stuck out my hand

“Deal” Connor took my hand and shook it. Our eyes met as we looked up from our hand shake. He pulled my arm so that we were now forehead to forehead. I slightly pushed his shoulder causing him to lay down on his back. He pulled my body over his and just like that we were at an agreement.

By the end of the night we were left laying on the couch. Our bodies still entangled. Connor reached over head to grab a throw. He threw it over us while we held onto each other. We spent the rest of the night cuddling and kissing. It felt so good which is why I didn't question it. I was surprised Connor didn't try to immediately run. But, after the day I was having, being in his arms felt comforting.

The next morning I woke up to an empty apartment. I found a note on the coffee table. Connor left it letting me know he went out to the gym.

I still had an urgency to vent about my night. I knew I couldn't talk to Sarah about it because she was a common friend of ours. I didn't want her to pick sides on issues. So, I pulled out my phone and texted Jaime. We met when my parents came into town. Even though we hated each other at first, Jaime really opened up. He's brutally honest, which is why I would always text him when I needed clarification. He was good about putting things into perspective. And, most importantly, he isn't afraid to call me out when I'm wrong.

A few minutes passed before Jaime texted me back.

Let's meet for breakfast

I took a quick shower and changed into my clothes. I grabbed my coat and my purse and headed out to see Jaime. Connor's apartment was a few blocks away from NYU, so we met at a breakfast cafe in the middle.

On my way over I walked past a news stand. I noticed they were selling the new issue of the New York Times. Intrigued by the article on Connor, I bought a copy.

When I got to the cafe Jaime still hadn't arrived. So, I pulled out the magazine and flipped it open. Just then I heard Jaime's voice.

“What's going on?” He approached the table with his arms open for a hug.

“I don't know. I feel like things have been such a mess lately.” I closed the magazine and stuffed it into my bag before I got up to hug Jaime.

A few minutes later a waitress came by to take our order. I started by telling Jaime about Kadie and Adam. How they'd just barely met and were already planning on moving in together.

“Can I be honest?” Jaime pushed his coffee away from himself. “I don't think it has anything to do with how long they've known each other. I think it has to do with Kadie leaving you.”

“Kadie and I have been friends through many distances. We went to different colleges, studied aboard in different countries, and we've had different friends. Plus, I moved here when she had no intentions of coming. I'm not afraid of losing her to distance.”

“But, you're afraid she's leaving you for something that you want. Face it, Lynn, you wish it was you and Jonah that were moving in together.” He pulled his coffee back towards himself and took a sip.

“Well shit” I dropped my fork in my plate. I started thinking about what Jaime said while I stared off into space.

“You need to apologize to her. If it's a mistake she's making, then it's hers to make.”

“You're right” I finally caved, and admitted.

“Of course I am!” Jaime huffed.

We both laughed as we continued to eat our breakfast. After having a break through with the whole Kadie situation I thought I'd get Jaime's opinions on Connor.

“Kadie thinks Connor's bad news. I know he is, but I'm not planning on having a relationship with him.”

“So what's the problem?”

“Kadie thinks something like this is going to hurt me”

“Lynn, the same goes to you about making your own mistakes” Jaime sighed “You're young and you're in med school. I'm almost done with my second year and I can tell you that it does not get easier! If you can have a non-committed non-relationship, then go for it! Have fun!” Jaime nudged my shoulder teasingly.

Jaime was right. I needed to stop making a fuss of things and start going with the flow.

Round 2

It was Saturday morning and I had woken up to the sun pouring into my room and the smell of french toast. Despite how cold it was and how much I wanted to stay wrapped up in my blanket, I jumped out of bed and ran for the kitchen.

“Kadie!” I yelped while throwing my arms around her. It had been a few days since I'd seen Kadie. She was working late this week, so by the time she'd come home I would already be knocked out from a night of studying.

“Lynn! My baby!” Kadie hugged me back. “I made your favorite. Go clean up and tell me about Casey!”

“Alright, mom!” I smiled and rolled my eyes at Kadie.

The night that I ran into Casey, I texted Kadie letting her know what was going on. Now that it was the weekend we were finally getting time to catch up on the details of everything.

I went back into my room to change out of my pajamas. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, made my hair, and then came back to eat breakfast.

I grabbed a couple of waffles and a french toast and sat with one knee up at the kitchen table, waiting for Kadie to sit down.

“So, tell me! What is she like?” Kadie eagerly called from over her shoulder as she was making a plate for herself.

“First of all, she's gorgeous! I guess good looks run in the family” I shrugged my shoulders and started cutting my french toast into bite size pieces. “She's very well spoken and so sweet. Honestly within the first few minutes of talking to her she made me feel like we'd been friends forever”

Kadie walked over to the kitchen table and sat down with her plate “How did  you run into her again?”

I took a huge bite of my food to avoid answering the question. I hadn't told Kadie anything about Connor. I wasn't planning on having a relationship with him and like Connor said it was a “one night” thing. What Kadie doesn't know won't hurt her, right?

“We, uh, we bumped into each other in the street” I quickly looked down at my food to avoid eye contact. I could see Kadie staring at me accusingly.

“Oh, that's so random” She tilted her head as if she didn't understand and slowly put her fork and knife down.

“Yeah, I dozed off in the subway, so I ended up missing my stop and had to get off at the next one.” I got up from my chair and walked over to the fridge “You want some OJ?” I pulled it out, trying to change the subject, and began pouring some for myself.

Kadie leaned back in her chair and folder her arms “No, thank you” She stared off into space as if she were lost in thought “So is that where you two ran into each other?”

I took a big gulp of my orange juice before I refilled the glass “Yeah, apparently she owns a few boutiques around the city and she came into town to check on them. When she saw me walking by she ran out to stop me because she thought I looked familiar, I guess from some pictures Jonah may have shown her.” I walked back over to the table and sat down.

“Hm, that makes sense” Kadie concluded. She sat up straight and began eating her food again.

I sighed with relief that Kadie hadn't caught me in my lie. Just as I was releasing my tensed up shoulders, Kadie looked up at me “You're not telling me something”

I tried to play it cool, “Not telling you what?”

She picked up a piece of french toast with her fork and ate it. We silently stared at each other until she looked away “Nothing, never mind.”

I quickly changed the subject again and we started talking about Kadie's crazy week at work.

“Eva is in negotiations with a client and if we settle on an agreement our company will be the official PR reps for this big time network company.”

“Ooh, that sounds amazing! Any idea who the network is?”

“Eva wouldn't say. She said legally she isn't allowed to until we're officially hired” Kadie took my empty plate and stacked it onto hers “But, she did say that if we do get the client we're going to be busier than ever. This network has multiple events in a month. Which means more mula for mama!” She shimmied her shoulders as she picked up the plates from the table and took them to the sink.

After breakfast Kadie and I decided to run some errands. Adam, Kadie's boyfriend, was coming over for dinner that night and she needed a few things from the grocery store.

“So how are things going with you and Adam?” I asked while we browsed through the pasta aisle.

“Things are going good. They're starting to get a little serious...” Her voice drifted off as she turned away from me

“Serious how?” I walked to the other side of Kadie

“Serious, like, he wants us to move in together”

“What” I couldn't help but raise my voice. The shopping basket handles that were resting on my forearm slid down to my hand. “You two have only been dating for a couple of months, Kadie. Don't you think it's moving a little too fast?”

“Lynn, please” Kadie gestured for me to lower my voice “We want to take this thing to the next level. And we think that would be moving in together”

“So, then you're just going to leave me?” The palm of my hands were facing up as I waited for Kadie to answer my question.

“I just want you to be happy for me. I finally found a guy I like. I want to make it work with him” She sighed and looked at me defeated.

I continued walking down the aisle “Fine. We can talk about this later”

We grabbed what we needed and walked back to the apartment. Once we put all of the groceries away I went into my room and dedicated the next few hours to studying.

It was about 5PM when Kadie knocked on my door again “Lynn, dinner's almost ready, you wanna come help me?”

I opened my door to respond “Don't worry about me. I'm going to Sarah's later. I don't want to intrude on your dinner with Adam” I folded my arms across my chest and leaned back on my door frame.

“Don't be silly, Lynn. I made enough food for the three of us. At least stay for dinner” Kadie yelled from the kitchen.

Just then there was a knock on the door. I opened it, inviting Adam inside.

“Hey Lynn! How's it going” Adam handed me a bottle of wine.

“It's okay. Could be better” I looked unimpressed as I glanced at the wine bottle even though it was aged and expensive. I put it on the kitchen counter and walked past Adam to pull out plates for dinner.

“Hey babe!” Kadie kissed Adam. The two of them continued to talk while I set up the table for dinner. Once everything was out we sat down to eat.

“So, Lynn, did Kadie tell you we're planning on moving in together?”

“Yeah” I responded in a condescending tone “Don't know how good of an idea that is” I mumbled before stuffing pasta in my mouth.

“Lynn” Kadie whispered while punching my leg under the table.

"What was that?" Adam looked up at Kadie and I fake smiling at each other

"I was just telling Lynn to uncork the wine you brought so we can have it with dinner" Kadie looked back at me.

I picked up my phone from my lap and put it on the table as I got up. Kadie came in closer to me and whispered threateningly “Do not do this right now, Lynn!”

“Whatever” I whispered back. My phone started vibrating as I walked away. When I turned around to grab it I saw Kadie's face peeking over at my phone with her jaw dropped.

“Connor?” She practically yelled in shock “I knew you were lying to me about something!” She picked up my phone and held it up showing me the text message.

Can't stop thinking about Wednesday night. Round 2 tonight?

“Lynn Lee Barnes, you better have an explanation for this!”

I snatched my phone from Kadie's hands. “It's none of your business!” I texted Connor back as I walked away from her.

“Who's Connor” Adam asked as he watched Kadie and I angrily stare at each other.

“No one. I'm leaving. You two have fun” I grabbed my purse and coat and headed out of the apartment.

“Lynn, you DON'T want to do this!” Kadie shouted as I closed the door behind me.