Monday, November 11, 2013

Home on the Range

Since Kadie has been in town I've had a refreshing calm come over me. It was nice having a piece of home in an unfamiliar place. And even better that the piece of home was my best friend.

When I first decided to move, Kadie was suppose to come with me. Just for a few days to help me settle in. But, last minute she wasn't able to come because of work. Kadie's part of a big PR firm in Dallas. The week I was leaving to come here, her boss had gotten sick and left her in charge of an event for that week. But, nonetheless she was here now. And perfect timing because I really needed a vent session.

The next morning we found ourselves sprawled out on my L-shaped sofa. I still had my hair done and makeup on from the night before. So unlike me. But after Kadie settled in I had to dig through my things to find her an extra pillow and blanket. Once I did I was exhausted and she had a long flight so we passed out for the night.

 “Before we talk about anything else. Tell me how Joshua's doing”

I genuinely wanted to know how he was. Even if I had fallen out of love with him I wanted to make sure he was emotionally okay.
  “He's holding up, really. He hadn't told me what happened until a few days later. I had to beat it out of him.”

I slowly let out my breath while staring down at my hands. I was feeling guilty. Joshua was really loud and
 outgoing so for him to be quiet meant that he was really hurt.

 “From what I understand, you caught him off guard. But honestly Lynn, don't stress over him. It's over.”

The way Kadie was talking sounded like she wanted to change the subject but I couldn't let me her think I was completely in the wrong.
 “Kadie, you know how he was acting. You know how he didn't give a shit about me anymore. I mean after five years I wou-”
  “Lynn I know, I know! I'm completely on your side about ending things. I loved you guys in the beginning but lately it was like pulling teeth being around both of ya'll at the same time. I'm glad you're not with him anymore, but I'm not too thrilled about the way you ended it. You could have given him a heads up.”

“That's the thing Kadie, I did. He just wasn't listening. I told him multiple times I wasn't happy anymore. That I wasn't getting the attention I needed. The relationship was all about him and what he wanted. I told him if he wasn't going to change that I would leave him. He thought I was kidding. Kadie, I'm still young, I don't need to settle for that bullshit.”

   “You're right. You don't. And I'm glad you didn't. As cute as ya'll were together, he just wasn't the right guy. He's turned into such a douche lord if you ask me.”

Even though we weren't together anymore something inside of me still felt defensive for him. It was okay if I said things about him, not anyone else. What I was feeling was wrong, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling it.

  "Yeah, but Kadie, he really did have a good heart. Despite our problems he made sure to take care of me. What if I never find a family as good as his? My life was made for me and I screwed it up by leaving him.”

Joshua's parents were the kindest people I had ever met. They were constantly spoiling me and telling me how great I was for Joshua. His family had a huge chunk of land in West Texas that had been passed down for generations. Joshua's mom always talked about how sooner or later the land would be Joshua's and he and I could build an amazing house there to start our new life. I always thought life would be so perfect. I had a great boyfriend, the feeling of love between his parents and I was mutual, we would soon inherit a huge property and live happily in a beautiful home. But the longer I envisioned this dream, the more I didn't want it.

 "Are you serious right now?” Kadie's angry tone snapped me out of my day dreaming. I realized what I was saying was crazy.

 "This is how I've been feeling. I hate that I left a man that loved me so much. But at the same time I know the life his family had planned out for me wasn't what I really wanted."

Right then I saw Kadie's face fall flat. She was suddenly nervous about something.

 "Kadie, are you okay? What's wrong?”

Kadie sat up straight in her seat. After she stared at the ground for a minute she mustered up the courage to speak.

  "I didn't want to have to tell you this but the way you're talking about Joshua is making me realize you haven't gotten your clarity. I really did think that you were over him since you were the one to leave him. But-”

Kadie looked over at me and saw my scared reaction. Right then she stopped herself.

What was she about to tell me that she didn't feel comfortable saying? This was so unlike Kadie. We were able to tell each other everything.
  “What? What is it?” I was starting to get impatient.
 “Before leaving to come here I went to go see Joshua. That's when he told me everything. But he also told me.” She paused again for a minute
  “Jesus Christ, Kadie!”

 “Lynn, he told me that he had fallen out of love with you. But Joshua's parents wouldn't give him his share of the family property if he didn't marry you. He was planning on divorcing you once the land was signed over to him.”

   Annnd just like that, my guilt was gone! I sat in silence trying to process what Kadie had just told me.

 “I'm SO sorry Lynn! I couldn't keep this from you, but I knew it would help you move on.”

  “What.The.FUCK!” I felt a sudden anger come over me. I was feeling so many emotions at once I didn't know where to start.

  “You know he got on a fucking flight here to stop me from coming? Kadie, I've literally cried myself to sleep thinking I made a mistake! I thought if he was serious enough to chase after me he was serious enough to change!” I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks.

Kadie jumped out of her seat and came over to sit next to me. She wrapped her arms around me to calm me down.

  “Lynn, it's okay. It's over now. He's not in your life anymore.”

   With a sudden realization I nudged Kadie away from me.

 “You! You were making me feel bad for how I left him! How dare you! You knew this whole time!”

  “Look, regardless of who it was Lynn, that's not the person you are. Don't stoop down to someone's level. Otherwise there won't be a difference between you and that person. End it badly with Joshua but don't just skip town to avoid your problems.”

Kadie was right. Joshua had always pushed me to a point that would make me retaliate and that wasn't me. No matter how crazy and out-going Kadie had been she always had my best interest at heart. She would always make sure I was the best possible version of myself. She kept me grounded. And for that I loved her.

I started to wipe the my tears from my eyes. After that burst of anger I was starting to feel relief. I turned towards Kadie and took her had in apologetic way.

  "I understand. And I know I would do the same for you. I'm just so glad Josh and I are over. I really needed to hear that. I felt a small piece of me holding on, but now I know I'll be able to move on.”

   Kadie rolled off the sofa and came up behind me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and gave me a kiss on my head.

  "Good, because I really need happy Lynn Lee back to show me a good time around the city!”

   I decided to forget about Joshua in general. We had broken up and I had already moved to a new city. He was old news and I was starting a new life. He couldn't stop me from anything now.

   My refrigerator was seriously lacking some major essentials so Kadie and I decided to grab breakfast at a diner down the street.

   As we looked over the menus I decided to fill Kadie in on Jonah, Sarah, and my other new classmates.

Kadie couldn't believe people like Henry and his friends actually existed.
 "I thought those were just characters on CW shows."

  "Yeah, right? So, how were you able to get off of work? Isn't this suppose to be party season?”

Right then our waitress came with our pancakes. I started lathering mine up with butter and cutting it into squares.

 "See, that's the thing...” Kadie put her fork and knife down and looked up at me.

 "I kinda got fired.” She picked up her utensils and quickly stuffed her mouth with a big bite. She was acting as if nothing was wrong.

  "What?” I had my utensils in either had. I put my fists down on the table so the fork and knife were pointing up.

 "Well, apparently it's against company policy to hook up with your clients. Who knew?”

"Kadie are you serious? Oh my god, who was it? Is it someone famous? Someone I would know?”

This was so unlike Kadie. She knew she was beautiful. She was tall, had long dark blond hair and a naturally fit body most girls would kill for. Kadie was always getting hit on by every guy but she knew when to keep her distance. Especially at work.

  "Maybe. He plays for the Dallas Cowboys. I've met him at a few events but this last one he was just too hard to resist. I was on company time when it happened so I got terminated immediately”

   The way Kadie was talking sounded like she didn't care too much. But I knew it was killing her on the inside. She worked her ass of to get this job.

  "Anyway, I didn't tell my parents or else I would have to move back in with them. There was no way I could continue to afford that high rise flat in downtown without a consistent paycheck. I told them I had to come to New York for business but I honestly needed to see you. Oh yeah, and figure out what to do with my life.” She said while rolling her eyes.

Just as we finished our breakfast my phone started vibrating. It was Sarah. She had texted me the details about the party her friend was having that night.

  "Well, I hope you brought your sluttiest dress, because we're going partying. No more Joshua, No more work commitments!”
 "Amen to that!”


  1. I just got caught up and I love it! I look forward to reading much more about Lynn Lee's adventures in New York. I think Kadie should move in with her and stay in NY. Can't wait for Wednesday's post!

  2. Cool, I check back and here are three posts. Totally loving Jonah! mum