Therapy and Hot Cocoa

“So, what do you mean, you're falling for Connor?”

Jaime settled down next to me on his couch. He liked keeping his apartment unusually cold, so we both sat wrapped up in a blanket.

I came running to Jaime's after Connor kicked me out of his apartment. I mean, I voluntarily left, but still. I was feeling a million emotions, from confessing my love for Jonah to being confused about Connor. Not to mention school. It's as if the school gods know when your personal life is getting harder and they deliberately make your course work even more vigorous to remind you what's most important.

Once I spilled my guts to Jaime, he invited me into his apartment. We came inside and he made both of us a cup of hot cocoa. I was completely taken back by how warm and comforting Jaime was being.

“Seriously, what the fuck could you possibly mean by that?”

Ah, there it was! The brutally honest Jaime I knew.

“I don't know, Jaime.” I was frustrated by all the thoughts in my head. I took a sip of my drink to calm myself down.

“I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure I heard you say you told Jonah you love him. So...” Jaime lifted up his shoulders, waiting for me to respond.

“What?” I grumbled angrily.

“Why the hell do you think you're falling for Connor? Answer the damn question!” Jaime put his drink down on the coffee table and sat up straight.

“Because” I rolled my eyes. “Before, I didn't know Connor that well. And now I'm learning so much more about him. He seems like such a great guy. It makes me want to have something more than just a physical relationship.”

“Okay” Jaime huffed. “Now, before I give you my opinion, tell me why you told Jonah you love him?”

“Here's the thing, Jonah is one of those guys that no matter if we're together or not, I will always love him. It just took him leaving for me to realize it. You know how they say, you don't know what you got til it's gone? I didn't realize how perfect Jonah was and how much I loved him until he left.”

“But...”

“But, what's so frustrating is that, even though I love Jonah, I can't help these new found emotions for Connor.”

“Do you want my honest opinion?” Jaime leaned over to pick his drink back up.

“Well I didn't just come here to have cocoa and gossips like a couple of broads.” I mumbled.

Jaime smiled like a proud father, as his witty personality had obviously rubbed off on me.

“You're not falling for Connor.” He insisted.

“I'm not?” I was confused and it came off obvious in my tone.

“No, and let me tell you why.” Jaime took a quick sip of his drink. “When we have new people come into our lives we get so caught up in learning about said person, that we confuse curiosity with love-like emotions.” We both grew quiet as he stared at me.

I opened my mouth to say something but then stopped myself.

“Think about it” Jaime said, “You only started thinking he was a decent guy when you two talked over dinner. But, it wasn't until you snooped on his FaceBook that you started to feel these emotions for him.”

“True” I whispered.

“Which I'm totally against” Jaime narrowed his eyes at me. “You should never cyber stalk, Lynn. It's only going to set you up for disappointment. No one is ever the way they portray themselves online. Let's be real, you fell for the guy you thought Connor was.”

I was having an epiphany. “This is exactly why he didn't want to mix personal with pleasure. He knew I would end up getting attached.”

Jaime shrugged his shoulders, “He's a clever little bastard”

I sighed as I rubbed my temples. “What am I suppose to do now?”

“You're a good girl, Lynn. I know I give you a lot of shit about it, but you don't have to prove anything to anyone. End it with Connor.”

I took the last few sips of my cocoa and placed it onto the side table before leaning into Jaime's shoulder. “I'm glad you turned out to be one of the good guys.”

Jaime and I spent the next hour lounging around talking before I decided it was getting late. I grabbed my things, thanked Jaime for being so amazing, and headed back to the apartment.

Kadie had plans to eat dinner at Adam's that night, so I came home to an empty place. Literally and figuratively. I looked around to see that Kadie had done some more packing. Half her stuff was missing. It was bitter sweet. I hated that she was leaving, but I was genuinely happy she found someone she could see a future with.

I pulled out my cell phone and speed dialed the pizza place down the street. It's normal to only have restaurants on speed dial, right?

Once my pizza was delivered I sat in the dark apartment, with only the kitchen lights on, eating at the table by myself. I looked around and remembered all the memories Kadie and I had in the short six months we lived together. The night Kadie first came into town. The the random dance parties the two of us would have. Who was going to binge watch Girls with me? I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wiped it when I heard the front door unlocking.

“Hey, Lynn!” Kadie sang cheerfully as she walked in. She had a hand full of binders and bags. She walked over to the couch and dumped everything.

“Hey, how was dinner?” I tried talking while devouring my food.

Kadie ignored my question. “What are you doing eating in the dark?” She said while turning on the living room lights. “Were you crying?”

“No.” I lied as I stuffed another bite in my mouth.

“Lynn! What's wrong?” Kadie walked over to sit next to me.

“Everything” I said, defeated. “You were right about getting involved with Connor.”

“I'm sorry, Lynn. I know I've been judgmental lately. I don't know what's gotten into me. Is that why you were crying?”

I shook my head.

“Then, what is it?” Kadie rubbed my shoulder.

“I was just remembering everything you've helped me through since you've been here.” My voice started shaking. I chugged down my bottle of water to clear my throat. “It was just weird seeing the apartment so empty again. I feel like you just moved in and now you're leaving. I need my Ace, Kadie.”

“Aw, Lynn!” Kadie gave me a side hug, “I think you need to remember that it wasn't just this move I helped you through. It's life in general. You'd be so lost without me!” Kadie jokingly said.

We both laughed before Kadie continued, “I'm still here, Lynn. No matter what you need.” She grabbed both my shoulders. “You're always going to have your Ace!”