Pride and Prejudice

“I think that's everything”

Connor looked around his apartment. He liked to be prepared for his trips. There was still another 48 hours before he'd be leaving to the Asian continent for a two week charity event.

“You're so weird” I mumbled under my breath. Zipping up his suitcase, I hauled it to the side of the living room.

“What?” Connor smirked. “It's crucial to pack everything when you go to a third world country.” He said matter-of-factly.

I brushed my shoulder against his chest as I walked by, hoping it would ignite a reaction for him to finally wrap his arms around me. Instead, I got nothing. I knew I needed to give him his space, but I'd forgotten what his warmth felt like and I was yearning for it.

I rolled my eyes and reciprocated his smile, pretending everything was okay, before I laid down on Connor's couch.

I was exhausted from running around the city. Since Connor still had work to tend to I made it my mission to find him everything on his list of things he needed for his trip. It was my way of proving to him I was still an amazing girlfriend despite the, very serious, fact that I didn't say 'I love you' back and wanted closure from a recent ex, with whom I'm choosing to maintain a friendship with. I guess you could say my summer vacation was starting out brilliantly.

His smile vanished as he sat in the chair across from me. Stretching his arms over his head, he seemed weary. There was a silence that filled the air. A week prior, I would have been worried, wondering what was wrong. But, since then, silence had become a regular tenant in our relationship. The night Jonah and I finally called a truce, I went back to Connor's place to apologize for my behavior. The thing I like about us, is that we're both so passionate. We're always getting into small arguments that mean nothing. It was just our way of knowing that the other felt strongly about a matter. A simple apology would take place and we'd be over it faster than a Kardashian marriage. But, something felt off about this time. Connor accepted my apology half-heartedly and had barely spoken to me since. Our conversations were suddenly shortened. Laughter was faked. And smiles were just a way to avoid conversations about how things weren't the same anymore.

“Are you excited?” I asked. Connor's attention snapped from the ceiling to me.

“Yeah” he nodded. His eyes slowly traced back their path to the ceiling. “It's a lot of different emotions, really.”

“I bet” I turned over on my back and placed my hands behind my head. I could see, from my peripheral, Connor looking back down at the silhouette of my body. His eyes lingered for a moment before he stood up from his chair. I felt a fuzzy feeling growing on the inside. I sucked in my cheeks to hid my smile. I was finally getting the physical attention from Connor that I'd been longing for. I began slowly arcing my back to entice him. I finally looked over at him. Our eyes stared back at each other.

And right then he made a bee line for the kitchen.

I sighed, defeated, and dropped my back down.

He yawned as he reached for a bottle of water. “I'm so exhausted. I can't believe it's already 11”

That was my cue. Every night this week he'd found some way to go to bed early. It was obvious he was only doing it so I'd go back home for the night.

I covered my face with my hands and mentally envisioned myself screaming. Why was I taking this behavior from Connor? At first I took it because I put myself in his shoes. I knew what I'd done was wrong. But, wasn't a week of torture enough? I picked up my things, said good bye, and walked out the door before waiting for his response.

I got off the subway on a random stop. I found myself staring at the pavement as I walked down a poorly lit street. Walking around aimlessly always seemed to help me clear my thoughts. There was still a couple of restaurants opened. I watched as people held onto their bags of leftovers and climbed into their cabs.

The vibrations from my phone jolted me back to reality. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw a text from Jonah. I smiled as I read it.

Did you watch today's game? Finally getting a chance to catch it. These refs are dirty...

Since we're both soccer enthusiast, we'd been texting each other occasionally about the recent FIFA games. Something I hadn't been able to do with Connor. He was more of a baseball guy.

Nope! Running errands for Connor, so I missed it.

Quick response. You must not be with him?

You're a smart man. Currently wandering around the 40^th block.

You're just a few streets away. I'm at the office. Swing by and we can watch the game.

I stared at my phone in hesitation. With the feelings I was recently having towards Connor, and my freshly resurrected relationship with Jonah, I didn't know if this was a good idea. But, I responded any way and told him I was headed over.

I turned the corner of the street and headed down a couple of blocks. The building where Jonah worked had tight security 24 hours a day. So, he came outside to meet me, letting the guards know I was with him.

“So, do we hug, or handshake?” Jonah asked as he wiggled his hand. His face was scrunched in confusion.

“Oh, I don't know.” This was definitely going to take some getting use to.

Jonah held out his hand with his palm facing me. “Here, how bout a hand hug?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “Sounds fair” I placed my palm against his and we wrapped our thumbs around each others hands. It was so ridiculous we couldn't help but laugh.

“Shall we?” Jonah gestured for me to walk into the elevator with him. We rode up to the 16^th floor where his new office was. “So, Connor's not going to care you're here, right?” He said softly as we waited for the doors to open.

I looked over at him surprised. “I'm my own woman. I don't need his permission.” I said in a stern voice. It wasn't that I was irritated with the question, more so with hearing Connor's name.

“Aw, snap” Jonah sang in a funny accent. We walked out of the elevators as he pulled out his badge from his pocket. He scanned it, causing the double doors in front of us to open.

“Wow” I gasped as we walked into the hallway. There were stacks of posters and signs with Jonah's name on it. The hallway was lined with pieces that would soon be apart of the new show's set.

“Pretty weird, innit?” He grimaced as he walked past a life sized framed picture of himself. It was an ad for his new show with a tentative starting month. “I hate walking down here”

“Are you kidding?” I stood back and stared at the poster. “This is amazing. I would love to have my face plastered everywhere.”

Jonah laughed as he continued to walk down the hall. “You wanna see the set?”

“Uh, duh!” I scurried behind him as he opened another set of double doors. We were standing in a dark room until he pulled the curtains back exposing the main stage. “This is so unreal” I whispered loud enough for him to hear.

“I'm thinking I want my introduction to be Carson-esque. Something like, “Hereeeeeeeeeee's Jonah!'” He walked out from the curtains and pretended to swing a golf club. “Not sure how well it'll go over with legal though” He joked.

“Not well, I'm sure.” I walked past him, taking in the view, knowing damn well this would be the only time I'd be on a TV set in front of a camera (even if it wasn't actually on). Everything was still under construction, but it was easy to see where everything would be. To my right was where Jonah's desk would be. The left was the band stand. And straight in front of us, behind a row of cameras, was the audience. The auditorium style seating area looked large, but only a few rows of chairs had been installed. Everything else was covered in clear tarp.

“Come here!” Jonah called out, startling me. I looked over to see him sitting in the audience section. I tip toed over wires, shimmied past cameras, and made my way up the stairs to where Jonah was. “You wanna see something cool?” He asked as I walked down the aisle and sat next to him. I was briefly distracted by how comfortable the chairs were. They looked a lot stiffer.

“What? Like this wasn't enough?” I pointed around the room. “This is all yours.”

Jonah pulled out his phone from his pocket and began calling someone. “Hey, go to my office and plug my laptop into the main screen wires. I'm on set.” A few seconds later he hung up the phone.

“There's people still here?” I asked curiously.

“Yeah, it's normal for some of us to stay late, or some times even overnight, to work out the kinks of the show. Comes with the territory I guess.” As he was talking a huge screen, next to Jonah's desk, that I thought was a wall, turned on. It caught me by surprise. Jonah smiled at my expression. “You have to admit, this is probably the best possible way to watch the game.”

“I honestly can't handle how awesome this is.” I scooted forward in my chair and watched.

We cheered, and cursed, and kicked and screamed until the game was over. We'd only watched the last thirty minutes. But, for those thirty minutes I'd completely forgotten about my problems with Connor. Until Jonah and I were left to sit in silence. It's like when a certain scent reminds you of a memory. Lately silence had been reminding me of Connor.

The tension in my face grew and Jonah was quick to notice. “What's wrong?” He laughed, not knowing why my mood had suddenly changed.

“Huh?” I snapped back and shook the expression from my face. “Oh, nothing.”

“That face was screaming more than 'nothing'”

I sighed. I wouldn't have said anything, but I left like I needed to vent. With Sarah and Henry being out of town and Kadie busy with her new project, I felt like I didn't have anyone to talk to. So, when Jonah asked, I didn't think twice. I had a classic case of word vomit.

“Things aren't working out with Connor.” I turned away, hoping that it would help if I wasn't looking directly at Jonah. “We're just at two different places. He wants way more from me than I can offer. I'm trying so hard to make it work, but I just don't feel like the same person anymore. I've gone into oblivion.”

Jonah sat quietly. He began to speak, but then stopped, choosing his words wisely. “Is it worth it? I mean, do you see it going anywhere?”

“I did.” I slightly turned myself back towards him. “I thought I could see a future with him. And then he told me he loved me.” Jonah raised his eyebrows. “But, I just couldn't find myself to say it back to him. I don't know if I ever will. He's a great guy, but I think I'm finally realizing that I was overcompensating his good qualities with his faults.”

“That's deep” Jonah half whispered. “I think you should talk to him.”

I looked over at him, wondering if he was serious. “Not just for your benefit?”

“Lynn” He cupped his hands over mine. “It sounds to me like you aren't happy. And honestly, I really do just want you to be happy. Even if it's working out your problems with Connor.”

“Really?”

Jonah leaned in towards me. We were both staring down at our hands that were laying one over the other. “You honestly want to know what I want?” He whispered. Before I could say anything his hands let go of mine. They were suddenly wrapped around my face, pulling me in closer to him as he kissed me. And my first reaction wasn't to pull away.

 

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For those of you interested in a Book Club for the summer, We will be starting one soon! For more details head over to http://ramblingsofaserialrambler.blogspot.com/ 

Truce

“Is everything okay?”

Jonah asked as he watched me leave Connor's apartment. I stood with my face against the door as I gently closed it. After everything that happened with Connor that night, and my unexplainable behavior, Jonah was the last person I wanted to see. He had been standing down the hall outside of Dina's doorway. There was a tall olive skinned girl with dark luscious hair standing in front of him. She looked a lot like Dina. Maybe her sister, or cousin.

I sniffled and cleared my throat. “Yeah, I'm fine.” I said in that deep voice you use when everything isn't okay. I collected myself once more before I headed towards the elevator. I could see Jonah in my peripheral watching before he pulled the girl aside and did a slow jog towards me.

“Hey” he said softly as he tugged at my shoulder.

I flinched away. “Really Jonah?” My sharp voice caused him to hold up his hands as he took a step back.

“I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You don't look so good.” His apologetic tone grew quiet.

I covered my face with my hand, shaking it back and forth, before I sighed. “I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me.” I took a deep breath. “I'm fine, really.” I faked a half smile and proceeded to the elevator.

Jonah stood in place for a few seconds before he turned back to Dina's apartment. I pushed the button for the elevator and waited. The girl standing outside walked into the apartment and he followed behind. Just as he was about to close the door, I called for him.

He peeked over the door, questioningly. “I could use some coffee. You wanna join me?” I asked as the elevator door slid open.

“Are you sure?” The look on his face turned into concern. His eyes jolted towards Connor's door.

“Yeah” I nodded my head.”Of course.”

He gestured for me to wait as he grabbed his keys off a nearby table. A few seconds later we were on an awkwardly silent elevator ride down to the main lobby. I knew I needed to talk to Jonah about everything that had been going on, but I didn't know how to bring it up. We continued walking onto the street and down the corner to a tiny little coffee shop. I laughed, on the inside, as I realized it was the same shop I'd spent the night talking to Jonah's sister, Casey.

As we approached the shop, a couple walking down the street stopped Jonah. “Oh my God, honey, that's Jonah Cohen!” The young girl said to her boyfriend. “Congratulations on the show! Do you mind if we get a picture?”

Jonah smiled at them, “Of course not” I watched from the sidelines as the three of them took a selfie.

“You're going to do amazing!” the girl cooned.

“Yeah, we can't wait for the show to start!” Her boyfriend said in equal excitement.

“Thanks, that means a ton!” Jonah said before they walked away.

“So, is this a thing now?” I asked in a whisper.

“I hope not.” He whispered back while holding the door to the coffee shop open for me.

The weather in the City was finally enjoyable, so we ordered our drinks and took a seat outside. “So...” Jonah looked around at the people walking by.

“So...” I responded. Neither one of us knew what to say. “Was that a relative of Dina's I saw?”

Jonah nodded his head. “Her sister. She came by to grab some stuff from Casey.” I knew she looked eerily familiar. Besides a few distinctions they could of been twins.

A moment of silence flooded over our conversation again.

“Is everything okay?” Jonah asked. “I mean, with you and...” his eyebrows twitched. I stared at him for a second before I responded.

“Yeah it's fine.” I shrugged my shoulders “Just a rough patch.” I smiled, sheepishly. “You know how those are.” I said rhetorically, but for some reason Jonah decided to answer.

“No, I don't” He sang back in a slightly joking manner. “I'm sorry for what I said that morning. I feel so stupid. I knew you were with someone and I shouldn't have put that thought in your head. It just slipped.”

“It's fine, really.” I shook my head. “It didn't bother me. I think I was more upset by the way you left. Without explanation.”

Jonah rubbed the back of his neck before he sighed. “I'm not gonna lie. It was kinda hard seeing you with him that night.” His eyes jolted up “Not that I'm not happy for you or anything. It's just...you know...”

“No I don't know...”

“I was just expecting-”

I cut Jonah off abruptly, “You were just expecting what? For me to wait for you?” I waited for Jonah to respond, but he stayed quiet.

“Well you did move on kinda fast” He said in a sarcastic tone under his breath.

“What?” I sat up straight, leaning over the table. “I didn't expect to meet Connor and fall for him the way I did.” I caught myself off guard as I spoke those words out loud. It was verbal confirmation on how I knew I felt, but just needed to hear out loud. “You left without knowing when you'd be back. We gave each other our blessings, Jonah. You can't honestly tell me you're surprised.”

“I was just expecting for things to be normal between us.” His voice was slightly louder, as if to correct me. I slouched back into my chair waiting to hear what he had to say. “Put the romantic aspect of it aside, what we had” His hand gestured between the two of us, “meant everything to me.”

A part of me melted over his words because I felt the same way. No matter where we were going in our lives I always hoped we'd remain friends. There was this connection between us that was unexplainable and on a different level. “Jonah, you'll always be my friend no matter what.” My fingers intertwined one another as I wrapped them around my cup. “I think we just need to figure out how to make this work.”

“It's not the same, Lynn” Jonah shook his head. “I can't treat you the way I did. It's different now.”

“It doesn't have to be.”

“Yeah, and how do you think your boyfriend's going to feel about that?” Jonah mocked my posture and leaned over on the table. “You really think he's going to enjoy you spending time with me?”

“Why wouldn't he?” I squinted my eyes, questioningly. “It's not like you're giving him a reason otherwise.” Trying to lighten the mood, I bite my tongue and smiled, teasing Jonah.

“Oh, ho, okay.” He leaned off the table. “I see how it is.” He stuck out his hand for a shake. “Let's just call it a truce then.”

_______________________________________________________

Don't forget to check out my personal blog http://ramblingsofaserialrambler.blogspot.com/

Breaking Point

“Well??” Jaime shouted in suspense. “What did you tell him after he confessed his love for you?”

The night before Connor came over to my place to celebrate my school year ending. Whether it was planned or not, he ended up dropping the L bomb. The night had gone down hill so fast that the only way for a pick me up was going to brunch with Jaime the next afternoon.

“I didn't tell him anything.” I poked at my waffles. My head rested on my fist. I was emotionally drained.

Jaime pretended to choke on his coffee. “Wait, what?” He put his cup down and gave me a stern look. “The Greek God in the shape of a man you've been shagging for the last few months finally tells you he loves you and you give him nothing? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Leave it to Jaime to put it nicely.

“I didn't completely leave him hanging, J.” I put down my fork and stared back at him.

“Well...” Jaime shrugged his shoulders waiting for my response.

“There was an awkward moment of silence. So, I grabbed his face and rushed into a kiss.”

“Oh, my, God” He mumbled slowly as his hands slid from his head, over his eyes, and down to his mouth.

“Ugh, Jaime.” I moaned. “You don't understand. Old Lynn would have said 'I love you' back to him without thinking about it, just to make him happy.”

“Who the hell is old Lynn, and why isn't she here?” He threw up his hands, asking rhetorically.

“You really think I should have said it to him?” I folded my arms and sat back in my chair.

Jaime sighed when he saw the look on my face.“I know I'm being a little harsh on you. But, imagine what you're putting him through. He's trying hard to make it work with you and you can't even tell him how you properly feel.”

“It's not that I don't love him. It's just” I stopped to choose my words “I don't know if I have everything figured out yet.”

“Well if you want my advice” Jaime pulled out his wallet as a waitress approached our table. I tried to stop him from paying for my meal, but he hushed me by putting his hand up and giving his card to the waitress. I lipped thank you to him as he continued talking. “Figure out what you want as soon as possible. It's not fair to leave him hanging.”

Our waitress came back to have Jaime sign the receipt. We grabbed our things before we walked out of the restaurant. Jaime was on his way to his shift at the hospital so we said our goodbyes.

I was a couple blocks away from Kadie's place and decided to stop by. It gave me some time to think on my walk over to her place.

“Lynn!” Adam greeted me as he opened the door. “You're just in time. Kadie and I were about to start a Game of Thrones marathon.”

“Hey Lynn” Kadie came prancing out of her room. She looked happier than usual.

“Hey!” I smiled back. “You look like you've got a pep in your step” I winked at her as she pretended to shy away.

“I finally got a call from Eva.” She smiled so big she began covering her mouth with her hands. Her eyes kept shooting back to Adam.

“Oh my God! That's awesome!” I put my things down on the counter and leaned against it.

“I told her I'm not coming back.” She couldn't keep her excitement in. She was bursting at the seams. I stared at her with a blank express. “Well after we talked....” She looked over at Adam and grabbed his arm. “Adam and I looked into opening our own PR company. And I think we're going to go for it!”

“That's amazing, K!” I was genuinely surprised. Kadie had always been an ambitious person, but this was a huge step she was taking. “Are you sure y'all will be able to do it?”

“Well” Kadie's voice went down four octaves. “Adam has tons of contacts and clients that would follow him. And I have enough experience in the event industry. Plus, I haven't completely burned my bridge with Eva.”

“I'm so happy for you guys” I leaned in and gave them both a hug at the same time.

We parked ourselves in their living room. Kadie and Adam already had snacks put out on the coffee table. They didn't play around when it came to binge watching TV shows.

Four episodes into the marathon I decided to call it quits. Connor had been working that day and I wanted to head over to his place by the time he'd get home.

I decided that in order to tell Connor how I really felt, I needed to clear things up with Jonah. I wasn't sure how Connor would react. But, I finally mustered up the courage to talk to him about it.

–-------

“Hi” I greeted him as I walked into his apartment. He gave me a weak smile. It'd been awkward since the night he was at my place.

I followed him into his bedroom where he was putting some of his things together for his trip. I sat on his bed and watched him walk across the room. “How was your day” I asked, trying to make things seem as normal as possible.

“It was okay” Connor paced back and forth. He seemed like he wasn't fully there.

“So I wanted to talk to you about something.” I quietly said as I fiddled with my fingers. I knew what I was about to say wouldn't make Connor happy. “I feel like now that Jonah's in town I really need to get some closure with him.”

Connor's back was to me. He had been going through a bag of things, but stopped suddenly when he'd heard what I said. I saw his chest rise and fall before he continued doing what ever it was he was doing.

“Okay” Connor said in a low tone. Still leaving his back turned towards me.

I was shocked by his response. He didn't even try to question it. “What do you mean, 'okay'?” I asked peevingly.

He finally turned around. Avoiding eye contact, he walked over to the stack of clothes sitting next to me. I placed my hand over the stack, forcing them down, until Connor finally looked at me.

“Do I want you to see him? No. But, I got my closure from Colleen before we started dating, so it would only be fair...” He moved my hand off the stack of clothes and picked them up.

A taunting emotion came over me that I was unfamiliar with. I felt irritated that I wasn't getting a reaction out of Connor. It was almost as if his irrational behavior would give me the confirmation I needed. I could see that he was holding back. So, I intentionally pushed him for no reason.

“So you're telling me you're okay with me going to meet Jonah, by myself, to talk? Aren't you afraid something might happen?” I knew what I was doing was wrong. But, I still couldn't stop myself.

“Well then let it fucking happen, Lynn” Connor's voice grew louder “At least you'll be with someone you love, right?”

“There it is!” I crossed my legs as Connor and I stared at each other.

“This is what you wanted?” He said angrily. “Well, here it is! I'm doing everything you want me to and I still can't seem to get your respect. I'm giving you everything, Lynn, and it's getting exhausting.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. He let out a deep breath to calm himself.

“I really just need some time to myself.” Connor's voice was low again.

I immediately felt remorseful. I couldn't figure out what I wanted and I was unconsciously taking it out on him. I made Connor go to a place emotionally that I didn't want him to be in. His words had strung and set me back into place.

“Connor” I covered my mouth. It was as if I was just realizing what happened. “I'm so sorry” I stood up from the bed and walked towards him. He held up his hands and backed away.

“I think you should leave.” His voice barely whispered.

Celebrate Good Times

***Don't forget to check out my personal blog  http://ramblingsofaserialrambler.blogspot.com/ Enjoy today's double feature!"***

“Is it really over?”

Sarah, Henry, and I stood outside of our classroom after we'd given our last exam.

“It's...over” I whispered. We stared at the floor with our brows furrowed. Breathing heavily as if we'd been holding air in our lungs. The realization slowly came over us. We turned to one another. The smile on our faces growing rapidly.

“It's over!” Sarah squealed as she jumped with joy. Henry and I followed, the three of us eventually ending up in a hug.

The double doors behind us opened slightly. We turned around to find our professor's assistant glaring at us. “There are students still testing. Please keep it down.” She whispered in a nasal tone. We giggled at each other and scurried out of the building.

“No more study sessions, no more late night cramming, no more early morning classes!” I spread my arms and looked up at the sky. It was like I was seeing it for the first time. I never remembered it being so blue. Maybe this is what freedom looked like?

As we approached the end of the street Sarah and Henry's driver pulled up to the curb. The two of them stood by the door, each waiting to say good bye. “Are you sure you don't need a ride?” Sarah asked.

“No, it's fine. You two should get going”

“I'm gonna miss you, Lynn!” Sarah wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. Sarah and Henry were leaving for London the next morning and wouldn't be back until the end of summer “Please, come visit us!”

“Oh” Sarah had practically pounced on me. I took a step back to catch my balance. “I'm going to miss you guys, too! I'll try my hardest to visit.”

“You promise?” Henry asked as he pushed Sarah away to give me a hug.

“I promise!” I gave him a good squeeze before they both jumped into the SUV. We said our final goodbyes as they drove away.

It felt so surreal knowing I wouldn't have to be on campus for the next couple of months. I'd been so consumed with school I didn't even know what to do with myself.

I grabbed a snack from a street vendor and headed on my way back to the apartment. First thing was first, I gathered all my books and hid them in the back of my closet. The sight of them made me shudder on a normal school night. I didn't even want to know the reaction I'd have if I'd seen them while on vacation.

I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning and taking a shower. It wasn't until the late evening when I'd gotten a call from Connor. He wanted to celebrate my year ending and asked if he could stop by.

“Congratulations!” He yelled as I opened the front door. He was still in his dress shirt and slacks from work with a bottle of champagne in hand. “You've officially finished your first year of med school!” His arms wrapped around me and carried me in, closing the door behind us.

I pulled out a couple of glasses and met Connor on the couch. He popped the champagne bottle open and poured it out. We clinked our glasses before he pulled my legs over his lap. I nestled myself into his shoulder. It was exactly where I wanted to be after a long and exhausting week.

“So, how does it feel?” Connor asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“It feels...amazing!” I leaned in a gave him a kiss “Do you remember your first year?”

“Oh God.” Connor stared off in the distance, as if the memories flowed back to him. “It was bad, but it wasn't the worst. At least you'll have summer to recuperate.”

“I know!” I happily cheered. “I can finally catch up on all those things I've been wanting to do since I've moved here.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Like...going running in Central Park.”

Connor's head fell back as he laughed out loud.

“What?” I pushed his shoulder teasingly.

“What else?”

“I don't know. Maybe go back home for a few days.” I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head. “Sarah and Henry invited me to visit them in London, who knows where the summer will take me.”

Connor smiled. “Well, I have some good news of my own.” I straightened my posture and looked over at Connor, giving my full attention. “The charity project me and the other doctors have been working on has finally gotten approved.”

“Oh my God! Congratulations!” I gave him in hug. The last few weeks Connor and his colleagues had been working endless hours trying to get the detailing right. I was so happy they'd finally gotten everything figured out and impressed with how passionate he was about the project. “So, give me the details!”

“Well” Connor cleared his throat. “It's going to be a two week long project.”

“Okay” I nodded my head. “Go on...”

He looked at me before he sat up, putting his drink on the coffee table. “And I'm leaving next week.”

I stared at him for a second. I had known Connor's charity work was going to take him on a trip to Asia, but I didn't think it would happen until much later.“That's so soon” I tried to sound excited, but it didn't come off that way.

“I know, it's the only time that worked for all the sponsors. I didn't think it would happen so fast either.” He said apologetically.

“I'm sorry, Connor. I should be way more excited. This is such an amazing opportunity. You've got a kind soul, my dear.” I leaned in and gave him a kiss. Connor took the glass from my hand and put it on the coffee table. He pushed me back onto the couch as his body climbed over mine.

He began kissing me from my jaw down to the base of my neck. “I'm going to miss you.” He mumbled in between kisses. “I wish you could come with me”

When Connor first told me about his project I considered going with him. I thought it would be a great experience and would help to shape me as a future doctor. But, since he was leaving so soon we both knew it wouldn't be enough time for me to get my paper work and shots in time.

I grabbed his face with both my hands and pulled him up until we were eye to eye. “I'm going to miss you too. But, what you're doing is heroic. You're going to be helping so many people. Those two weeks are going to fly by before you know it.” I smiled reassuringly.

Connor's eyes stared straight back at me. “I...” He paused for a moment before he spoke again. “I love you, Lynn.”

My heart stopped for a moment and I'm pretty sure I forgot to breath. I tried to say something, but it wasn't coming out. Did he really just say what I think he did?

Weight Of Living

“We booked our tickets!”

Sarah threw her bag onto the desk in front of her. I snapped my head up from my laptop. Today was only the second day out of the entire year I'd come to class before Sarah. Henry trailed in behind her. He, like myself, wasn't a morning person.

“Where are you going?” I asked as I pulled my headphones out of my ear. My brain had consumed itself with thoughts when I'd ran into Jonah that morning. I tried listening to my 90's playlist in hopes to give my mind some rest. In case you're wondering, it didn't work.

“Henry and I are off to London for the summer” Sarah nudged his ribs with her elbow. He flinched from his sleepy state and gave her a half smile.

I slammed my laptop shut “What? You're going to be gone? The whole summer?” My body was completely turned towards them.

Sarah couldn't understand why I was so shocked. “Yes, of course.” She had been pulling her things out of her bag, but her actions grew slower and slower as she spoke. “We always spend summers in London.”

“Do you have to go?” I straightened my posture “I mean, this will be the first summer I'm here. What am I going to do?”

“Lynn” Sarah said apologetically, “I wish I could. It's the only time I get to spend with my family back home. Plus, I feel like I still need to sort things out with Poppy.” Her eyes wandered off. When Poppy was busted with drugs, she was immediately sent back to Paris where her family enlisted her in rehab. Everything happened so fast Sarah didn't have a chance to get the answers she needed.

“It's alright, mate.” Henry patted my shoulder. “Something tells me you'll be fine without us.”

“And if you're not...” Sarah spun back towards me, “It will be a great reason for you to come and visit!” Her voice was back to it's normal peppy tone.

The room fell silent as our professor walked into the auditorium. It was our last week of classes before we'd officially be done with our first year of medical school. The fear of exams had briefly occupied my mind from my problems outside of class.

That evening when I'd gotten home I was surprised to see Kadie's things packed up. For the past week they'd been tossed around the living room, where she was living.

“What's going on?” I asked as I walked into the apartment.

“Oh, hey” Kadie looked over her shoulder and smiled. Her eyes went back to her phone. “I think it's time I move back.”

“Kadie!” I stood behind her and shook her shoulders. “Did you finally fall off your horse and make up with Adam?”

“Shut up” Kadie managed to laugh between words. “It's kinda getting hard to live without him, I guess.”

I smiled at Kadie and she knew exactly why. It was the first time she was showing emotions towards the opposite sex. She'd always put a guard up. Even if she really liked a guy, she'd do anything to stand her ground. But, Adam was different and she was finally realizing it.

“Don't look at me like that!” She grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at me. I caught it in my hands and walked over to take a seat.

“Somebody's in loveeee” I teased in a singing voice.

“Speaking of love, what's going on with Jonah. Did you ever get to talk to him?” Kadie tried changing the subject from her to me. I felt the smile vanish from my face.

“Why'd you reference Jonah to love and not Connor?” Even though I knew Kadie was just kidding, it annoyed me a little that she didn't take my relationship seriously. Like it was just a game I was planning and both Jonah and Connor were at my disposal.

“Come on, Lynn.” She rolled her eyes. “You're obviously not over Jonah. He's back in town and it's freaking you out. That can only mean one thing.”

And that's when the weight of the world finally collapsed my shoulders. I dropped my head into my hands and began sobbing. I didn't exactly know why. Maybe it was the pressure of classes ending? Jonah being back in town? Trying to figure out if Connor and I were on the same page? Or maybe I was just fucking tired.

“Oh my, God!” Kadie's voice shrieked as she leaned over to lift my head up. “Lynn! What's wrong?”

“I don't know” I struggled to speak as I choked back my tears. “Everything, really.”

“Hey” Kadie scooted in closer to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “It's okay, Lynn” her voice lulled me from hysterics. “I'm here. You can always talk to me.”

I felt my face burning as I wiped the tears from my eyes. I took a deep breath to calm myself before I vented. I went on to tell Kadie everything that had been going on. From the changes I was uncertain of in Connor, to the wondering words Jonah had left me with that morning.

Kadie sighed, figuring out where to start. “I know I tease you about Jonah, and I'm sorry, but that's all it is. You're with Connor. The guy is trying, whether it's for his own self betterment or for you. You need to give him the respect he deserves. Talk to Jonah, get the clarity you need, and move on. You have to figure this out before you lose both of them.”

I cringed at Kadie's last few words. I knew she was right. I had to set things straight with Jonah. He couldn't expect me to put my life on hold while he was continuing his. It wasn't fair to me, or to Connor.

I cleared my throat and jetted off the couch. I went into the kitchen to grab a cold drink. It was the perfect remedy. My eyes were numb and I felt emptied from emotions. Even if I hadn't addressed my problems, the after math of crying always sent me into a state of relaxation.

“Do you want me to stay here tonight?” Kadie followed me into the kitchen. She leaned her hips against the counter top.

“No, I'm fine. Really.” I took another sip of my drink. “I think I'd been holding everything in for too long. I just needed a good cry.” I forced myself to half smile, letting Kadie know I was okay.

She gave me a look. She'd been holding her phone in her hand. She turned it towards her and began dialing.

“Kadie, what are you doing?” I asked as I watched her put the phone to her ear.

She lipped the word nothing and waited for who ever she was calling to pick up.

“Hey, it's getting kinda late. I think I'll just come tomorrow morning.”

“It's only 8pm” Kadie didn't know, but I could hear Adam's voice through the phone.

“Alright, I'll see you then.” She smiled and hung up her phone. “So, do you feel like Chinese or pizza?”

“Kadie” I sighed “You really didn't have to do that.”

“You're always there for me, Lynn.” She smiled as she scrolled through her phone for the delivery number.

I went back to the living room and snuggled myself into the couch cushions. Kadie eventually joined me. I noticed her resume along with a stack of papers on the coffee table. I was so consumed with my worries I'd forgotten to ask about hers. “Haven't heard from Eva yet?”

“It's been a week, I'm starting to get the hint.” Her lashes fluttered. “I've been applying to other companies just in case.”

“You should just start your own PR firm. That way you can't get fired.” I joked as I grabbed for the TV remote. Kadie let out a laugh at my comment.

“Yeah, sure. Like that could ever happen.” She took the remote from my hands and started flipping through the channels.

I was mindlessly talking at this point. “I mean, Adam's a lawyer who deals with celebrities. You're in PR. It kind of works out perfectly doesn't it?”

I hadn't even realized what was going on until Kadie stopped on the golfing channel.

Her head slowly turned towards me “Lynn, I think you might be on to something...”

That Awkward Moment

“Hey, baby.”

Connor smiled as he rolled over, stretching his arms in the air, before wrapping them around me. It was Friday morning and I stayed the night over at his place. We laid chest to chest with our legs intertwined. I was praying to God I looked as beautiful as he did in the morning. I kept rubbing under my eyes to make sure my mascara, that I was too lazy to take off the night before, didn't smudge all over my face. Why do guys have it so much easier?

“Hi” I lowly whispered back. “You're up early.” I peeked over Connor's shoulder to see the dark sky outside. There wasn't a sign of a sun rise. I relaxed, knowing I had plenty of time to get ready before class started. Connor on the other hand had the day off.

“Internal alarm clock, I guess.” He leaned his head down to give me a kiss. Just as he was near my lips I turned my face away. “What's the matter?” His brows furrowed in concern.

I laughed embarrassingly as I pushed myself away from him. “I feel gross. I haven't even brushed my teeth yet.” I jumped out of bed and almost stumbled over as I looked back at Connor. He was laying on his back with both his hands behind his head. His body, as perfect as a Greek god's, was peeking through the sheet he was wrapped around in.

He caught me doing a scan of the scene I was missing out on. “Come on, you know you want to.” He gestured for me to lay back down. For every second I stood silently debating, he slowly pulled the sheet exposing more and more of his abs.

“Ooh, you're so evil” I playfully teased him. “But, you're underestimating my will power!” I smiled and turned back towards the bathroom.

After I'd showered and gotten ready I went into the kitchen to find Connor making breakfast. He had his cell phone lodged between his shoulder and ear. “Alright, ma” His accent was more prevalent when he talked to his family and friends back in Boston. “I love you, too” I smiled at how adorable he sounded.

“Hey, look at me, I'm from Bahs-tan” I teased Connor with my impersonation of his accent.

“I do not sound like that” He smiled as he spoke without the accent knowing he was guilty. He handed me my plate and we both sat at the breakfast table. If there were one thing about Connor, he really did a great job at spoiling me. I wouldn't be surprised if I'd gained weight since we'd gotten together.

“That was too good for words” I took both of our plates to the sink once we were finished eating. Connor followed behind. I put the dishes away and turned towards him to give him a kiss. We stood with our arms wrapped around each other, staring into each other's eyes.

“I'm so glad I met you” Connor whispered as he broke the silence. We kissed again before we ended in a long hug.

“Shit!” I looked over at the time. “I've gotta go!” I picked up my bags, said goodbye and headed out the door.

I pressed the down button on the elevator, but it was taking too long. I debated on taking the stairs, but I could already envision myself gasping for air by the time I'd gotten to the bottom. So, I waited instead. A few seconds later the elevator dinged, letting me know it was ready. I began walking to the door as they slid open.

Once I was inside I heard someone running to catch the door before it closed. “Wait!” The familiar voice called out. I pressed the button to allow the door to open again. I couldn't quiet put a face to the voice, but I knew I'd heard it before.

I stood in shock as the doors had finally opened and revealed Jonah standing there. He was dressed in a button down shirt tucked into slacks with his suit jacket folded in his hands. We stared at each other, without saying a word, until the door began closing again. He stopped the door with his hand and walked in.

“Lynn!” He smiled, snapping back to reality. “What are you doing here?”

I smiled nervously. We still hadn't gotten a chance to talk, so bringing up Connor just felt awkward. “I, uh...”

“Did you move here?” He asked, trying to finish my words for me. I shook my head. Jonah had gotten the hint and laughed, “Oh, your boyfriend lives here.”

“Yeah” I looked at the elevator screen displaying the floor number we were passing. I could have sworn it was going slower than usual. “Wait, why are you here?” I turned towards Jonah questioningly.

“I didn't tell you? I sold my apartment.”

“What?” I was surprised he would get rid of such a nice place.

“Yeah, I guess it was too big for just one person. I might have been a little gluttonous when I bought it.” He smiled.

“...So you moved here?” I asked, trying to figure out why we were sharing an elevator.

“No, no, sorry. Dina's out of town on vacation, so Casey's house sitting. I've been staying with her until I find a new place.” I'd forgotten Jonah's sister's best friend and business partner lived on the same floor as Connor. I saw his eyes check the elevator screen quickly as he nervously spoke. “Probably should have done that before I moved back, but I wasn't planning on coming back so soon.” His hand rubbed the back of his neck.

There was a silent sigh of relief between the both of us as the elevator finally opened to the main floor. We walked out onto the street where the awkward silence followed us. There was so much we had to talk about, but neither one of us knew where to begin.

“Hey, so...” Jonah said at the same time I had started talking. We both laughed. “You first” we said at the same time again. “So...” Jonah managed to continue, “about the other night. My friend had put the whole dinner together. I told him to reach out to you, but I talked to him and I guess he'd forgotten.”

“No worries” I smiled. It made sense now why I didn't know. “But, why didn't you tell me you were coming into town?” Jonah looked around trying to figure out what to say. “I thought we were good enough friends...”

“I wanted to surprise you” His voice was louder than mine as he cut me off. “I came so soon because I wanted to surprise you. But I didn't know you were...” He stopped talking when he finally looked at me.

I was at a lost for words. I could tell by the expression on his face that he'd felt bad for revealing his secret. He rubbed his forehead as a black sedan pulled up to the curb. He looked at me again before he got in. “Bye, Lynn.” He shut the door behind him and the car drove off.

Troubled Waters

“Wait a second”

Jonah reached out to shake Connor's hand. Meanwhile I was standing next to the two trying to remember the disappearing spell from Harry Potter. Connor's hand stopped in mid reach and pointed at Jonah instead. He squinted his eyes as if he'd just remembered something. His head slightly cocked towards me and asked, “Isn't he...”

I snapped back from my outer body experience and cut Connor off. I could tell by his face that he'd remembered Jonah from the night of the dinner fiasco. “Yeah! He's from the Late Night show.” I tried my hardest to fake a smile. He caught my drift and smiled back.

Connor continued to shake Jonah's hand as he let out a laugh. “Nice to meet you, man!” For him, this was the moment he was waiting for. The man I'd left him for that night was now on the other end of the situation. “This is fucking mad!” Connor laughed nervously again as he thought of the situation we were in.

Jonah, still standing with a straight face, let go of Connor's grip. He looked uncomfortable. I mean, who wasn't? The moment was equally awkward. I tried to lighten Jonah's mood by explaining Connor's reaction, “He's a huge fan of the show” I lied.

He smiled sheepishly before his friend came wobbling over. “Dude, what's the hold up? We're all waiting for our shots!” He nudged Jonah towards the bar.

“Do you guys want to join us?” He asked. Connor and I looked over at the rowdy table. We'd have to be drinking the rest of the night to catch up with them.

“Appreciate the offer bro, but I've got an early morning tomorrow.” Connor responded in a friendly suave tone. I turned towards him surprised.

“Yeah” I agreed, “We just came for dinner. Y'all have fun though”

“Congrats on the show” Connor shook Jonah's hand once again. “It was nice meeting you”

“Thanks, man. It was my pleasure.” As Connor walked away behind the hostess, Jonah turned towards me and tipped the bill of an imaginary cowboy hat on his head as he winked.

I put both my pointer fingers up as imaginary pistols and pretended to shoot him. “Pew! Pew!” I whispered. The smile on Jonah's face grew. “You better get going” He nudged his head towards Connor. “I'll see you around, kid.” Jonah turned back around and disappeared into the crowd surrounding the bar.

The hostess sat us in a secluded area of the restaurant away from the horde. Connor cleared his throat as he picked up his menu. He began to look over his options for dinner. “Thank you” I said quietly as I picked up my menu to do the same.

“For what?” Connor asked without looking up.

“For being nice. I saw your face, you remembered him from that night” I put my menu down to look at him. He was fully concentrated on figuring out what to eat.

“Of course. Why wouldn't I be nice to him?” He smirked. “It's not like he was the one to do anything to me...” Connor finally looked up.

I sarcastically smiled back. “Look, just so you know, I had no idea he'd be here. I mean, I knew he was moving back to the City, but I thought it'd be later in the month. He didn't even tell me he was already here.”

“I'm starving” Connor mumbled as he looked around the restaurant. “Where is the damn service when you need it?”

“So” I folded my arms on the table and leaned in “Why aren't you upset about this?” I pointed towards Jonah.

Connor laughed and sat back in his chair. “Is there a reason I should be upset?”

“One, because you're you. And two, because if this was reversed I would be hella pissed.” I whispered loudly across the table.

“Really? I didn't take you for the jealous type.” He jokingly furrowed his brows, but then noticed the unamused look on my face and continued. “The guy moved back to the City for work. I can't be mad at him for that. Like you said, you didn't know he would be here. We were bound to run into him, right?”

Realizing that Connor had a point, I nonchalantly agreed. “Right”

“Besides” Connor leaned forward and grabbed my hand. “You're here with me and you look absolutely beautiful.” I smiled back.

I was glad to be put to ease with Connor being so understanding. I had been waiting for Jonah to come back to town since the day he left. Now that he was home, and I was with Connor, I didn't know how I felt about it anymore. All I knew was that my relationship with Connor was growing, and I was genuinely happy to be with him.

After dinner we decided to walk off our meal since we were only a few blocks away from my apartment. Once we'd gotten to my door I searched through my clutch for my key. I felt Conner's hands wrapped around my waist. He leaned down and kissed my neck. I laughed as his stubbled facial hair tickled my skin.

We both stopped and looked at the end of the hall when we heard a noise coming from an apartment door. We stood silently for a minute. Connor looked back at me with widened eyes, as if we were doing something we shouldn't have been. I quietly hushed him and pulled his face towards mine. He took a step forward, pressing my body against the wall. He lifted up my leg, wrapping it around his waist, and began grinding his body against mine while we continued to make out.

“Whoa my God!” I heard Kadie's voice yell. She'd opened the door so fast we didn't even have time to process what was going on. “I'm so sorry!” She stepped back behind the door ready to close it again. “I thought I heard something out here, but I guess it was just you two. Sorry!” She was talking a mile a minute.

“It's okay” Connor said as he pulled himself off of me. “I have to go anyway.” He leaned down and kissed me again.

“Come inside” I whispered, tugging at his arm. I could see Kadie from the corner of my eye tip-toeing back into the apartment.

“I wish I could babe. I have reports to finish before tomorrow.” He began fixing his shirt.

After we said our goodbyes I went into my apartment to find Kadie sitting on the couch.

“So, someone had a fun night, huh?” She winked, playfully.

“Uh, more like the opposite.” I threw my clutch onto the table and sat down next to her. Kadie's expression was begging to know what had happened. “We ran into Jonah. Apparently his home coming party was at the same place we went for dinner.”

“What?” Kadie's voice boomed through the apartment. “Jonah's already here? He wasn't suppose to come back til next month.” She spoke out loud to herself.

“Yeah, well he is. And Connor's surprisingly not phased by it at all. Which you would think would be a good thing, but for some reason it's making me nervous.” I grabbed a pillow and covered my face with it.

Kadie sat upright leaning towards me“Wait, you're not having second thoughts about Connor are you?”

“No. No, of course not!” I uncovered my face. “I mean we have our highs and lows, but that's what makes us special. I like Connor, a lot. But, I'm not going to lie, when I saw Jonah my knees went weak for a second...”

Kadie giggled “LA did him good didn't it?”

I nodded my head agreeingly “It's like that scene from that one vampire series, when they get bitten they become even more flawless than before.” We bellowed over laughing as we thought about it.

Kadie added, “I mean honestly did you think he could get better looking than he already was? He legit looks like a  fucking A-list movie star” her laughter slowed as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “I don't know, Lynn. I don't know how you're going to do it.”