Thursday, April 24, 2014

Matters of The Heart


I rolled over to see an empty space on his side of the bed. Last night, after the whole fiasco at Kadie's place, I ended up crashing here. We spent most of the night talking. I filled him in on Poppy and how she was going after Kadie. It was getting late and I didn't feel like heading home, so Connor convinced me to stay.

“Connor?” I called out again, louder this time.

I looked around the room. The bathroom door was open with no one inside. I put on my Hello Kitty socks to protect them from the cold wooden floors and jumped out of bed. I walked into the empty living room. There was no sight of Connor, even in the kitchen. I figured he went out for his morning run and headed back to bed.

Just then I felt arms tightly wrap around me. I yelped, not knowing who it was. My body slowly relaxed when I heard Connor softly laugh. His breath just hitting the nape of my neck. “Are you that easily frightened?” He spun me around so we were facing each other. His hands resting at my waist.

“You didn't answer me.” I rolled my eyes. “I thought you were out”

He leaned down and kissed me before he walked to the bedroom. “I just got back from my run”. I stood where he'd left me. I quietly watched as he took off his shirt and threw it on the ground. He shimmied out of his shorts and stood naked with only his boxers on. His sweaty body glistened in the sunlight that was pouring into the room. Connor stopped just at the edge of the bathroom door. “Are you gonna join me, or what?” He flashed a smile, revealing his pearly whites.

I slowly walked towards him. “I actually need to head home” I said, teasingly.

Connor held onto the door frame as his expression intensified, obviously playing along. “What?” He shook his head and walked towards me. “Oh, hell na! You bes' getcho ass over here!” he shouted in a weak attempt at a country accent. I started laughing uncontrollably. Connor picked me up and laid me on to the bed.

I sat leaning on my elbows as I wiped his sweat off of me, “Gross!”

Connor's face lit up as he smiled. I knew he was up to something. “Oh really, you think that's gross?” He laid his body on top of mine. I could feel the wetness all over.

“Ew!” I tried shouting between my laughs.

Connor, who was laughing along, lifted his body up as if he were about to get off the bed. “Now you have to come with me,” He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. We began kissing passionately as he removed my clothing. When I was finally naked, he wrapped my legs around his body and carried me into the shower.

“You know, I don't think I give you enough credit.” I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around myself as I stepped out of the shower. Connor followed my lead. I turned my head to see him smiling at me through the foggy mirror.

“You really don't” He turned around and leaned against the bathroom counter.

I walked over and stood between his knees, wrapping my arms around his neck. We stared into each others eyes and suddenly I'd forgotten what we were talking about. “I...I...” I stammered.

“See!” Connor let out a slight laugh before he kissed me. “You're so cute” he stood up straight and turned back towards the sink. He grabbed his facial scrub and began washing his face. I walked back into his bedroom and changed into my clothes.

“Hey, do you mind grabbing my cream from my side table?” I heard Connor call out from the bathroom. It'd dawned on me that if I opened the drawer, there would be no denying the fact that I'd seen the pictures. Connor and I were having an amazing morning and I didn't know if I wanted anything to off set it. Just as I pulled the drawer open, I heard Connor's voice again, “Actually, don't!”

I looked up to see him standing at the door. He'd already changed into his t-shirt and shorts. My eyes shot between him and the photographs. I couldn't play it off anymore. He walked over, avoiding eye contact, and grabbed a small container of lotion from his drawer before shutting it.

“What was that?” I asked.

“What was what?” Connor acted confused.

“That picture of you with a woman.” I followed Connor to the edge of his bed.

He looked up at me, as if I'd seen something that wasn't there, and continued to rub lotion on himself. “Those?” he nudged his head towards the drawer. “Those are nothing.”

So this was how he was going to play it. Irritated, I walked over to the drawer and pulled out the pictures. I walked back over to him and put them in his hands. I made sure the picture of him kissing the woman he was with was on top. “This doesn't look like 'nothing'”

“These are old, Lynn!” Connor stood up and tossed the pictures on his bed before walking away. I followed him into the kitchen, where he was rummaging through the fridge.

“Connor, I'm not upset. I just want to know why these pictures are in your bedside table?” I leaned against the kitchen counter as I watched him.

“Why does it matter? I said they're old. Just drop it.” His voice was growing more and more irritated.

“I can't just drop it. When I see pictures of my boyfriend...” I stopped for a second to realize it was the first time I was referring to Connor as my boyfriend, and I quickly became upset that this was the context I was using it in. “...kissing another woman, regardless if she's an ex or not, I'm going to want to know why he still has them.”

Connor stopped what he was doing and looked straight at me. And then he said the five words that are equivalent to the shot heard round the world. “Why are you so jealous?”

I was about to say something, but stopped. I squinted my eyes and stood up straight. “What?” I asked harshly. He threw out his arms as if he were waiting for an answer. “What the hell did you just say?” I slowly walked towards him.

“I want to know why the fuck you're so jealous, Lynn.” He lightly tapped the back of one hand against the palm of the other as he spoke.

I stopped walking when I was a couple of feet away. My tone was just as harsh as before, but I lowered my volume. “I'm sorry if you think I'm being jealous. But, what you're doing is not fair, Connor.” I folded my arms across my chest. “You knew that I wanted to take it slow to make sure we were both in this together. I didn't want this to happen.” I pointed between the both of us.

“We can never have a conversation about feelings without you getting so defensive! If it's so hard for you to tell me things, why are you even with me?” I stood looking up at Connor. His eyes were fixed on the ground. I sighed, annoyed, when I didn't get a response out of him. “You told me you were ready. Obviously not. Once a playboy always a playboy.” I walked away back into the bedroom.

That seemed to set it off with Connor. “Playboy?” His voice boomed through the room. “You think I'm a playboy? You know, that's your problem, Lynn. Why can't you just accept that I'm with you because I like you? It's like you want to find it impossible to trust me just because of the way I look!”

He took a breath to calm himself “You want to talk about suppressed feelings? Then why don't you explain why you can't look me in the God damn eyes and tell me how I make you feel?” His voice grew quiet with each word as he referred to the moment we shared in the shower. I felt a jolt through my body. Connor was right. I'd never thought twice about it until he said it aloud. I couldn't even give him the pleasure of telling him how much I actually liked him.

He turned around to leave the room. Just as he got to the doorway of the bedroom he turned back towards me. “I didn't want to tell you this because I didn't want you to feel sorry for me. Those pictures...” He pointed towards the bed where they were still scattered. “Are of Jessica. She died in a car accident with her boyfriend a few months after we divorced. I still loved her at that time and that's why it took me so long to get over her.” I felt my heart stop for a moment.

“When I told you I went back to Boston to patch things up with Colleen, I also went to go see Jessica's mom. She was my mother-in-law after all. She never knew why we divorced, so she assumes I still have a place in my heart for Jess. She found those pictures and gave them to me for my memory. When I saw them, it was honestly the first time I didn't feel anything.” Connor got quiet as he ran his hand through his hair. “You were the only reason I went and got closure.” I felt my face burning with embarrassment. Like I'd let Connor down. He cleared his throat and continued casually, “anyway, when I got back home I tossed the pictures in my drawer and forgot about them.”

I stood up from the bed and walked towards Connor. “I'm so sorry” before I could give him a hug, he lifted up his hand to stop me.

“I really just need some space right now.” He walked over to the kitchen counter and grabbed his keys. “Don't wait up for me.” his voice echoed as the front door closed behind him.


  1. Over pictures? Really? Connor is whiny baby. Why is it so hard to just tell her about the pictures?? Geez. And why should she apologize? She didn't do anything wrong. She asked a question and he totally blew it out of proportion. She didn't let anyone down. Connor needs to get a grip. So much hiding and deception is a recipe for disaster.

  2. OMG I totally need a Bonus Point this week because i don't think i can't handle it until Tuesday!

    ^^^ as per anonymous above me i think you are definitely right ? He just trying to make her feel Insecure about the relationship. it is sad that he can not open up to her .

    Waiting on you Lynn for my extra Post.


  3. Where did he go? And I understand him...guys don't like the drama they try to avoid it no matter what, even if they don't realize its worst if they don't tell us

    1. In this situation, he created unnecessary drama by not just telling her. He knew she saw the pictures, at that point, just tell the truth. It drives me crazy!!

    2. Don't you just hate the way guys act in situations like this?! :sighs: boys will be boys, I suppose...

    3. Anonymous I agree, I find that some guys (don't want to stereotype) find that's its easier to think short term and not deal with the drama. They don't think long term lol and yes Lynn Lee, I feel ya ;)

  4. Ohhh Connor... I definitely think he overreacted a bit. All Lynn did was ask him to explain the pictures. She didn't ambush him or yell at him. She even told him she wasn't upset and just wanted to know the truth. I get maybe he wasn't ready to tell Lynn the whole story about Jessica, but there were a lot of ways be could have gone about the situation instead of accusing Lynn of being jealous. How was she supposed to know where those photos came from and why they were in his drawer?

    It might be a sensitive topic for him, but Lynn didn't deserve that reaction. Though, I did feel bad when Connor said that Lynn never tells him how much she really likes him. If that situation was reversed, I'm sure Lynn would be pretty upset if Connor never gave her the pleasure of telling her how she makes him feel.

    - Holly

  5. I feel like they both overreacted. She shouldn't have accused him of being a playboy, but he shouldn't have run out of there. I like them together! I hope we get a good makeup story next!!

  6. Connor is being rediculous!!! He could've avoided the whole fight by opening up to Lynn when she asked the first time.
    I hope Jonah moves back soon!


    I agree, Connor blew it outta porportion. But lynn should discuss her feelings as well. He shouldnt of left her like that. She will be a mess!

  8. I don't know, it might all have something to do that these two really don't know each other at all and their relationship is 80% sex-based. I mean, how long after he showed up in TX did they jump into bed together? I know I'm in the minority, but I just don't see anything in common between them beside medicine and, thus far that hasn't even been brought up in conversation.

  9. I don't think Connor was wrong for the way he acted. Sure, he could have told Lynn when she asked. But she took it too far by pressing him for an answer and calling him a "playboy."

    I refer to myself as a "walker outer-er" too so I can understand why Connor left after the argument. Some people need space to process how they feel when they're angry; otherwise, they are likely to say something they might regret. I'll leave with the quickness so as to keep the argument from escalating. I see it as a means to advoid conflict, others think it's childish. To each his own.

    1. I agree, they both were being a bit childish and have a lot of growing to do, as a couple. And I wish I was the "walker outer-er" type. I always say things when I'm upset and then think, "Ugh, why didn't I just walk out?" lol it's a struggle. :p

  10. They're both being children. Walking out is fine, but you should try and not blow it out of proportion first. I'm a walk away first, talk after the emotions have cooled person too but wow. How funny that a guy's first reaction is to cause avoid drama. And they say we're the dramatic ones.

    ...and am I the only one that wants to know why the lotion was in the bedside drawer? I probably am but just wanted to throw it out there. :)

    1. Best observation ever!! LOL!! Why was the lotion in the bedside drawer? Why not on the night stand??

    2. hahaha! You guys are killing me! I just KNEW someone would catch that.

    3. I totally noticed that, too. Lotion and pics of his ex.....mum

    4. Oh so I guess I wasn't lol (:

  11. Oh we need a bonus post.... I can't believe they had a fight like that but maybe they can patch it up, I understand why Lynn wanted to know more about them I mean it's her man with a woman she didn't know that was Jessica so she had a right to ask I feel.. I can't wait to see what happens, I hope they have some hot make up sex!!

  12. Please post a friday post! Cant wait till tuesday!! Love the blog!

  13. Poets and HeartbreakersApril 24, 2014 at 11:10 PM

    Ohh man! You know it's too perfect to be true when everyone is smiley and happy! It's completely normal for Lynn to ask about those pictures. Not that I'm the absolute judge here, but I'm sure I would have done the same thing. Can't wait for the make up::)!

    Check out my new and similar blog on romance and sex! Let me know what you think!

  14. That was an amazing post. That means a lot coming from me because I NEVER comment! I felt as if I was in the room while all of this was happening - heart beating fast and all! Hopefully they can both calm down and come back together with a clear mind. I really like Connor and Lynn together! Can't wait for the next post!:)

  15. I've followed the blog since the beginning but I've never commented 'till now, and I have to confess I do it to congratulate you on such a great blog, but also to beg you for a bonus Friday post! (pleasepleaseplease). Greetings from Bogota, Colombia :)


  17. You guys know I love spoiling you. But, I'm sorry, I didn't plan an extra post for this week :/

  18. Its nooooon wheres my crack.....i mean post at!? Lol