Making Me Feel Some Type of Way

“Hey”

Connor's voice was calm and low as he walked through the front door. He gently placed his keys on the kitchen counter. It had been hours since he'd finally decided to come back home.

I sat on the floor of his living room with my knees close to my body and my back resting against the couch. I looked up at Connor as he walked towards me and gave him a sheepish smile, my poor attempt at acknowledging his presence.

He sat down, in the same position, both our eyes fixed on the blank T.V screen in front of us. Normally, the busy streets below us couldn't be heard, but today the depth of our silence was accentuating every sound.

“I'm sorry, Lynn.” Connor's voice was so quiet I had to look over at him to make sure his mouth was actually moving. Without looking, his hand slide across the floor and laid on top of mine.

“Connor...” I pulled my hand from underneath his and placed it on top. “I'm sorry, too.” He finally looked over at me.

“No, you shouldn't be. It was my fault.” He rested his arms on his knees and leaned his head against his hands. “I should have just been open with you. But, I wasn't ready to talk about it. And I don't think you're jealous, that just came from a place of feeling like I was being cornered. And you know my hot headed Boston ass can't handle being cornered.” I smiled at Connor's self description as I stared down at the space between us. “I know you were coming from a good place and I just had to walk away from the situation before either one of us said something else we didn't mean. I want you to know that I'm trying, Lynn.”

When Connor first left the apartment I didn't know how to feel. I was so aggravated that things had gotten so far. As time passed I realized that the things that had been said were petty. I suddenly started seeing myself in Connor's position and realized that, as much as it was both of our faults, I could have prevented the situation. The more time passed, the fonder I became of Connor. I hadn't realized how much my attachment to him had grown until the threads of our relationship began to pull.

“I really don't want to fight with you anymore, Lynn.” Connor's voice lulled.

“I know sometimes we fight, and it doesn't mean anything, but today when you left it made me realize that I really don't want to fight with you either.” Connor turned his body towards me and sat Indian-style. “And...” I paused to carefully choose my words while I turned towards him and sat in the same position. “The reason I never tell you how you make me feel is because it's indescribable.” I took both his hands in mine. “One minute I want to choke you, and the next I just want you to be the big spoon and cuddle.” Connor's laughter filled the room and lightened the mood. “Every time you look at me, I feel like the prettiest girl in the world. When our skin touches, chills run through my spine. There's nothing I like more than being around you, Connor. I'm so proud of everything you've accomplished. You make me want to be more ambitious with my future.”

“Shh...” Connor brought his hands up to my face. I hadn't realized the tears streaming down my cheeks until his thumbs lightly brushed them away.

He gently pulled me forward and kissed me. It was the slowest kiss filled with the most passion.

After a minute I pulled away and looked up at him, “Promise me something” We kissed again, this time Connor pulled me into his lap.

“Anything” He whispered between kisses.

He leaned his body back until he was laying on the floor, my body over his,“Promise me you won't leave me like that again”

He rolled over so I was pinned between him and the floor. “I promise” he looked in my eyes before he leaned down to kiss me again.

We spent the rest of our day talking, and talking, until the only way left to express ourselves was through the motion of our bodies.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Sunday after breakfast, Connor went into work and I went home to catch up on my studying.

Just as I opened my anatomy book my phone began ringing. It was Kadie. Adam was out for the day and she wanted to stop by.

An hour later she was plopped down on the couch in my apartment. “Lynn, what did you and Adam talk about the other night?”

My heart started beating faster, not knowing where Kadie was going with this. “What do you mean?”

“You know, when he walked you to the subway station” Kadie was playing with her nails when she looked up at me.

“Why? What happened?” I avoided the question, hoping Kadie couldn't see how nervous I was.

“Oh, nothing.” She turned back to look at her nails. “It's just, Adam's been acting weird since that night, and I thought he might have told you something.”

“Weird, like how?” I asked.

Kadie sighed and leaned her head back on the couch cushion. “Like, he never really cared what I was doing, but then suddenly yesterday he was all up in my business, making sure he knew what I was doing. I don't know, maybe I'm just the one being weird.”

“Maybe” Before I could say anything else Kadie's phone rang.

“Oh shit, it's Eva.” She answered her phone and walked away to the kitchen.

She was on the phone for a while so I decided to clean up the living room since I hadn't been home all weekend. As I was organizing the books on my coffee table Kadie walked back over to me. She was still on the phone. Her eyes grew wide and her jaw was dropped.

I couldn't help but laugh at her expression. I figured she was going to be working on a cool new project and was excited to share the news. A few seconds later she hung up her phone.

“Lynn!” I looked over at her, surprised she wasn't smiling. “Eva's sending me to LA for two weeks for a project.”

“That's great, Kadie!” I cheered, but she was still expressionless “What's wrong?”

“She told me I'm working with Jonah's team...”

I dropped the book in my hand. Kadie and I stood silently in the middle of the living room staring at each other.