Tell Me What You Want, What You Really Really Want

“Oh!”

Connor stepped back surprised. I was sitting in an empty exam room when he walked in. He'd been so busy this week that we weren't able to reschedule our dinner date. So, I took the matter in my hands and decided to show up at his office. I'm going to justify my psychotic behavior by saying I did it because I knew he was stressed and needed a break from work.

“Well, if you aren't the cutest patient ever.” He smiled as he walked into the room. Pulling out a chair from under his desk he rolled over to the exam bed where I was sitting. “What seems to be the problem today?”

“Just in for a full body skin check.” I winked at Connor which made him blush.

His eyes traced down to the hem of my dress which ended just at my thigh. Without breaking concentration his finger tips grazed my skin. He moved them back and forth softly. Until, eventually, his hand was pushing further, exposing more skin. “I can do that for you. I just need you to take this off.” Connor stood up from his seat. With his foot he pulled out the step stool that was attached to the exam bed. I stood up and was at perfect height with Connor. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I did the same to his shoulders. We leaned forward, forehead to forehead. The proximity of our bodies mixed with the silence that lingered in the air was enough to put a smile on both of our faces.

There was a knock at the door. Connor released his grip from around me and pulled his chair back to the charting computer to sit down. Taking a hint, I sat back down on the exam bed. He cleared his throat before he called out,“Yes?”

The door slowly opened as his assistant walked in. Her eyes slightly widened as she peeked through the door and saw me. She remembered me from the first time I came barging through Connor's office. “Dr. Cassidy, I'm so sorry! I didn't know you were with a patient.”

“It's okay Lisa.” His shoulders fell as he quietly sighed. “She's not a patient, just a friend. What's up?” He spun around in his chair so he was facing her.

“I wanted to give you your schedule for tomorrow. You have a lunch meeting from 12 to 1 and your reports are due by 3. Dr. Marion called and wants...” Lisa continued talking, but I'd completely zoned out. Connor's words kept lingering in my head. Just a friend. It was the first time I'd heard them aloud. I didn't know how I felt about it. On one hand I wanted to take it slow, on the other, Connor had really stepped up his game these past few weeks and I felt like we were at a point where we could move forward.

“Lynn?” Connor called out. I looked up and realized Lisa had already left the room. “Is that okay?” he asked.

“Is what okay?” He'd been talking, but I was so lost in my thoughts I hadn't even heard what he'd said.

Connor furrowed his brows in confusion. “Can you wait for me to finish up? It'll take half an hour, tops.”

“Sure” I smiled. I pulled out my phone, to play with, as I laid back on the exam bed. For the next half hour Connor went through charts and typed away on the computer.

He grunted as he finally finished. I looked up to see his head on the desk with his hands resting over it.

“What's wrong?” I jumped off the exam bed and walked over to Connor. I rubbed his back to comfort him.

He slowly lifted himself up and sighed again. “Nothing. Just tired of work.” He stood up and took off his white lab coat. He was wearing a lavender colored button up shirt and dark gray slacks. I followed him as he walked out of the exam room and into his private office where he dropped off his white coat in exchange for a messenger bag full of papers.

We took a taxi back to Connor's place. He made the driver drop us off a block before his neighborhood so we could grab some Chinese food.

As soon as we'd gotten inside Connor untucked his shirt and fell face first on to his couch. His voice was muffled as he spoke into the cushion. I laughed at the sight of Connor's defeat. “You're so exhausted. Maybe I'll come by for dinner another time.”

Connor quickly turned his head towards me, “No!” he yelled as he grabbed my arm before I could walk away. “I want you here.” He looked up at me with his big blue eyes, I just couldn't resist. He turned onto his back and scooted over on the couch, gesturing for me to lay next to him.

“I don't want to make the same mistake twice.” Connor whispered. I laid down facing him with my head resting on his arm.

“What do you mean?” I whispered back.

“I mean I don't want to make the same mistake I made with Jessica.” Connor looked over at me and then back towards the ceiling. Jessica was Connor's high school sweetheart. They'd gotten married when he graduated from medical school. He was so preoccupied with his work and never made time for Jessica, that she ended up having an affair and leaving Connor. She'd broken his heart so badly that it took him years to pick up the pieces.

“Do you ever wish you hadn't made that mistake with her?” My finger gently caressed the button on Connor's shirt.

“I did, at first.” He tilted his head as if he were going deeper into thought.

“What changed?” I asked quietly.

“Part of the healing process was realizing that she wasn't good for me. The flaws of our relationship were masked by the pain of her leaving.” Connor turned so that he was laying on his side, facing me. “I guess the important thing is that it made me realize what I really want.” He brushed a strand of hair off of my face and smiled.

It was the most casual we'd both been around the other. It was nice to share such a raw moment with him. Every time I saw Connor, I was learning more and more about him. I was impressed with the way he'd been slowly making progress. For him to put forth the effort by coming to Texas, and having me over for dinner even though he was clearly exhausted, made me realize he wasn't just in it for the sex. That he'd actually wanted to be with me. Even though I already knew this, it was still a moment of epiphany.

“What is it that you want?” I asked Connor.

“You know what I want.” He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in closer. I couldn't help but laugh as he did so. He smiled in response.

“Well, I want what you want.” Connor's smile slowly diminished as he sat upright.

“What are you saying? You...” His words slowly trailed off into silence.

“Today, when Lisa came into the exam room and you told her I was just a friend, I kinda hated it.” I followed Connor's lead and sat upright. “Not that I was expecting you to say anything else. But, because I want more than that.”

“So, you want to...” Connor slowly said before I cut him off.

“I want to be in a committed relationship.” We sat facing each other. Anyone who may have been entering the room at that time would have thought Connor and I were having a staring contest.

A few seconds had passed before Connor grabbed my face and leaned forward to kiss me.

“It's about damn time.”

**NOTE: As LSP sadly comes to an end (tear) I will be moving my blog posting time back to Tues/Thurs at 12pm. A lot of y'all, like me, are avid readers of LSP and wanted me to keep to a Mon/Wed schedule. Which was great at first, but as I previously mentioned, has been conflicting with my schedule. I'm only moving the dates back because I would rather give you all good quality reads, earlier in your day, as most of you work and need that break from a hectic work day. Changes will be in effect with the upcoming blog post on Thursday @ 12pm. Happy reading! :)**